Tag Archives: Teleprompter

Dr. Obama’s orders: Get the measles vaccine

Dr-ObamaOriginally posted at American Thinker

Employing a time-tested Cloward-Piven tactic, President Obama has created another crisis and, right on schedule, has also come up with a brilliant solution.

In an interview with NBC’s Savannah Guthrie where the president bragged about turning the White House into a distillery, shared his opinion on deflated balls, and advised against cheating, “If you break the rules, then you break the rules” (as if he should talk), Dr. Obama advised parents to “get your kids vaccinated.”

This is a man who, expressly for the purpose of philosophical and political expediency, has deliberately placed the children of America in danger by exposing them to diseases long eradicated from our midst.  In Obama’s sick, twisted world, and in an effort to foster fairness, he has knowingly allowed illegals into this country who are infected with illnesses that have put everyone, but most especially vulnerable children, trapped in classrooms or visiting theme parks like Disneyland, at great risk.

Here parents take their children on a long-anticipated vacation, and instead of coming home with just a memento from Space Mountain, they come home with a raging case of red measles.  Or, worse yet, you send your kids off to school, and they step off the school bus with a respiratory virus like Enterovirus D-68, which has killed 15 Americans, most of whom were children.

And who’s responsible?  Unfortunately, it’s the person now advising us on how to prevent contracting the illnesses he’s at fault for exposing us to.

Here’s what the expert on everything who really knows nothing had to say to a gushing Guthrie on the subject of vaccines:

I understand that there are families that in some cases are concerned about the effect of vaccinations. The science is, you know, pretty indisputable. We’ve looked at this again and again. There is every reason to get vaccinated, but there aren’t reasons to not.

Right about now, the bigger concern is what other dangerous policy or self-serving maneuver the guy giving the medical counsel has up his sleeve.

Not only that, but having a climate-change fearmonger who denies that the Taliban are terrorists lecture us about the indisputable findings of anything, let alone vaccines, is laughable.  Moreover, who is the “we’ve” Obama is referring to as having “looked at this again and again”?  Himself and Valerie Jarrett?

On the subject of measles and vaccines, Obama finished up by advising:

You should get your kids vaccinated. It’s good for them, but we should be able to get back to the point where measles effectively is not existing in this country.

“Is not existing in this country”?  Somebody, please, plug in the Teleprompter.

So, according to Obama, get your kids vaccinated, because the person exposing them to deadly viruses insists that “it’s good for them,” which is kind of like Bill Clinton, a visitor to Jeffrey Epstein’s “Underage Sex Island,” advising parents on how to protect their children from sexual predators.

How infuriating is it that the president has set the eradication of measles back 14 years by knowingly reintroducing a virus that hasn’t really been on the CDC radar since the year 2000?  Then, to make matters worse, he places the onus back on Americans to take the responsibility for getting the nation “back to the point where,” as Obama eloquently notes, “measles effectively is not existing in this country.”

Barack Obama and the Roosting of America’s Chickens

indexOriginally posted The Blacksphere

Currently, many Americans are coming to the conclusion that despite the hoopla, Barack Obama is a failed president.

However, the truth is, that as far as personal achievement stories go, and judging by Obama’s unstated goal of demoting America, he’s a smashing success.

According to author and British journalist Con Coughlin, in his article entitled: US government shutdown: Barack Obama is presiding over the end of America’s superpower status, The Daily Telegraph’s Defense Editor believes that Barack Obama is overseeing and personally responsible for the “end of America’s superpower status.”

Coughlin cites “President Barack Obama’s obduracy over his flagship healthcare policy” and the inability for Republicans and Democrats to reach a federal budget agreement as the impetus behind the shutdown.

The real reason for the shutdown? Republicans believe that sending Americans on a “train wreck” called Obamacare without removing the “glitches” endangers lives and adds to a veritable debt mountain at a vulnerable time in America’s economic history.

Obama’s immature, obstinate response to those concerns? “I shouldn’t have to offer anything” to the negotiations, he declared.

Coughlin further points out that, although Obama has assured the world that the US military will continue to function, and despite White House chefs continuing to cream Michelle Obama’s cream-less creamed spinach, the shutdown comes just weeks after the president’s slipshod handling of the Syrian crisis.

Having one debacle after another is a blow to Obama’s already shaky status, and a humiliating spectacle on the world stage.

Put into perspective and expressed in a somewhat less-than-British way, the wheels are coming off the Barack Obama ‘Hope and Change’ bus.

Not to mention Russian bear Putin stepping up in the role of “main power broker in the Syria crisis.” Mr. Coughlin maintains that Vladimir taking control of America’s unruly child “has severely damaged America’s standing as a major global player.”

Coughlin correctly stated that “There was a time not so long ago when the world looked to America for both political and economic leadership.” However, things have changed, and the author rightly points out that “thanks to Mr. Obama’s inability to provide decisive leadership on either front,” the world can no longer take America’s leadership for granted.

Yeah, but has Con Coughlin ever seen Barack Obama cut a rug with Ellen DeGeneres? Heard him croon a few bars from Al Green? Read flawlessly from a Teleprompter? Give a rousing speech? Throw a baseball? Or more importantly, has he observed how tough Barry can get when denying elderly WWII veterans confined to wheelchairs access to the WWII Memorial?

Shouldn’t his abilities in those varied venues count for something in the world community?

Anyway, according to Con Coughlin, “In short, the longer the Obama presidency continues, the more America’s status as a superpower ebbs away.” That’s certainly true.

But on the upside, “the longer the Obama presidency continues” the more excited Barack Hussein Obama becomes that his plan to expedite “America’s chickens” coming “home to roost” is a smashing success.

Ut Oh! Where’s President Knucklehead Smiff’s Scripted Remarks?

knucklehead_smiff_toy_0031-300x225Originally posted at The Blacksphere

This week the nation found out two very important things:  If you heckle Michelle Obama, she’ll shut up and leave; and if you don’t give Obama written remarks, she has nothing to say except “Uhhh…Uh…Uhhh…People!”

In San Jose, California, prior to arriving at the Sunnylands China-US diplomacy summit, Mr. Obama (who’s going stag for the weekend) sauntered out to the podium at a Democratic fundraising event to say a few words about things like the NSA scandal.  Once there, he found out that if someone doesn’t tell him what to say, he doesn’t know what to say.

Not only was the trusty Teleprompter missing, but the Paul Winchell Obama aides had forgotten to provide President Knucklehead Smiff with his remarks.

Standing there like a big doofus, Obama said, “My remarks are not sitting here. I’m uhhh….people….oh goodness….uhhhh…folks are sweating back there right now.”

No – the one who was sweating it right there was the big shot whose only aptitude is looking from side to side to read off a pair of Teleprompters, like a bobblehead or a tennis spectator.

Stuttering and stammering Barack Obama being viewed as some sort of eloquent orator is like a person who can barely scramble an egg being promoted as a world-renowned chef.  It’s bogus!

[youtube]http://youtu.be/S-uPwsbSwlM[/youtube]

Anyway, while a group of people stood around behind him giggling uncomfortably, to bide time Obama shifted around, smiled, and mumbled these inspiring words: “Uhhh…um…ah…um…uhhh” – until some lackey who nearly tripped over their own feet stumbled out with a script so that the most knowledgeable, insightful, articulate speechmaker in the history of the world knew what it was he was supposed to say.

Two Sides of a Vanity Coin

Originally posted at American Thinker

It’s both pathetic and eye-opening to see a spectacular legend sitting on the floor wrapped in a blanket, reviewing fuzzy images of himself on TV.  In recently released images, a pre-mortem Osama bin Laden, remote in hand, looks like a homeless guy in a squalid shelter, not a terrorist mastermind planning and driving tactical decisions from a Pakistani command and control center.

The compound in Pakistan where al Qaeda’s operational chief was killed by US Navy SEALs delivered “the largest trove of intelligence ever obtained from a senior terrorist leader.”  From the captured cache officials released five very enlightening “video clips of bin Laden taken during the raid, most of them showing the al Qaeda leader, his beard dyed black, evidently rehearsing the videotaped speeches he occasionally distributed to his followers.”

 The videos expose Osama bin Laden’s nefarious plans, half-truths, and pre-recorded messages, which “condemn[ed] US policy and denigrat[ed] capitalism.”  As an added bonus, the video also revealed evidence of bin Laden’s vain personality quirks.  One of the terrorist mastermind’s idiosyncrasies appeared to be a disproportionate obsession with personal image, which is a trait eerily similar to his foe and ultimate deliverer of justice – a guy with a similar name who “jealously guards his [own] image” while reading off a Teleprompter.

No sane person would argue that the most significant benefit from the confiscated videotape is intelligence.  However, an unexpected profit gained from the collection is insight into a President who, like Osama, somehow morphed into a mythical being but whom, upon closer inspection, is slowly turning out to be nothing more than mortal flesh.

Both Osama and his rhyming foe Obama have been buoyed along with religious fervor by cult-like followings. In both cases, the foundation upon which the adversary’s iconic status has been built is based on philosophical ideas, alleged oratory skill, and reputations cultivated by fictional imagery rather than tangible reality.

Although Barack’s popularity was gained for reasons different from the homicidal activities that catapulted bin Laden to the height of notoriety, as it turns out the guy who finally gave the thumbs-up to kill the al Qaeda mastermind also happens to be equally concerned with physical appearance and public perception.

A larger-than-life phantom up until the very end, Osama evoked worldwide fear; yet in one segment of the confiscated videos he is seen to be a feeble, gray-bearded, vulnerable old man, subject to the cold, holed up in a disheveled room, wiling away the time by watching videos starring himself.

One official said: “The videos make clear that bin Laden remained active in al Qaeda’s terrorist propaganda operations, especially in shaping his own image. It is improbable that this kind of footage would be anywhere but with bin Laden… [who]… jealously guarded his image.” The only thing missing was a couple of Greek columns.

Nevertheless, it’s obvious that President Barack Obama would never be caught sitting on the floor of an untidy room, shivering beneath a blanket and watching a CRT television set featuring reruns of his INVESCO Field speech.  However, 7,000 miles away from Pakistan in Washington DC, in Barack’s world he makes certain to be tightly scripted and avoids media disasters through fastidious styling and assistance from a high tech Teleprompter.

Osama’s surprising obsession with how he looked was showcased on the tape when the fearsome commander of worldwide terror’s scruffy beard showed up gray in one shot and black in another.  The same sort of self-consciousness would be on evident on a time-lapse display of Barack’s short-cropped hair change from Monday morning black to Friday afternoon salt-and-pepper. Barack Obama’s ongoing albeit subtle weekly transformation helps the world better understand the sort of Narcissistic obsession that gripped the al Qaeda leader who, when not planning to blow up the world, was carefully dying his beard.

Terrorist tendencies aside, concern for outward appearance and public image takes up residence in a certain type of person, and both Osama and Obama embody the trait. So, after 10 long years, Osama bin Laden, a man who practiced speeches, loved watching videos of himself, and whose chest hair sometimes didn’t match his chin hair, in an ironic turn of events, was justly relegated to the annals of history by a equally big-headed nemesis decked out in designer duds.

Even still, the world is well aware that Barack Obama adheres to diametrically opposed philosophical goals from his now-deceased archenemy from Abbottabad. Yet who would have thought bin Laden, living in compounds and caves among goats, camels and fellow terrorists, actually rivaled Barry in the narcissism department?

 In the area of egotistical conceit, the duo’s pervasive self-absorption extends far beyond ideology and political leaning, because both men share a surprising character trait: prior to bin Laden’s assassination, rivals Osama and Obama were like two sides of a vanity coin.

Cartoon by Richard Terrell of Terrell Aftermath

Barack’s ‘Idiot Board’

Originally posted at American Thinker blog

Don’t be surprised if Barack Obama challenges Walter Mondale to a Hamilton/Burr-style duel.  Former Vice President Mondale insulted two of the President’s most cherished possessions: the teleprompter, as well as Barack’s esteemed personhood.

Walter Mondale called teleprompters “idiot boards,” which offended defenseless teleprompters everywhere. Moreover, the twofold insult implied that idiots rely on “idiot boards,” an affront applicable to a certain President who relies heavily on electronic devices when speechifying.

Idiot is defined as: “foolish or stupid person. A person … having a mental age below three years and generally being unable to learn connected speech or guard against common dangers.”  If a teleprompter is a board for idiots, was Mr. Mondale implying Barack Obama is an “idiot?”

The elderly Walter isn’t the only one noticing Barry’s inability to speak without hauling along a scrolling security blanket. The President’s most ardent goose bump-riddled fans are also beginning to disparage Obama’s electronic facade. Chris “thrill going up my leg” Matthews, who just two years ago swooned every time Obama spoke, sounded like a jealous lover discussing the Obama teleprompter addiction:

You know sometimes I really support the President on a lot of his views, in fact all of them but I have to tell you, if he doesn’t get rid of that damn teleprompter. It’s like an eye-test, he’s just reading words now, it’s separating him from us. You go to a meeting with him I’m told at the White House, he hauls out the damn teleprompter and he reads it to them, why even bring people into the room, just have the teleprompter… I sense it’s getting in between him and us.

Unlike Chris Matthews’ unapologetic denigration, Walter Mondale attempted to tone down the “idiot” observation by clarifying for CNN’s Wolf Blitzer: “I think he — he’s very bright — as a matter of fact, brilliant. And I think he tends to — and he uses these idiot boards to read speeches on television and I think he loses the connection that he needs emotionally with American voters.”

How exactly does Walter Mondale assess the intellectual acumen of a person who rarely utters a word without a script?

As far as the empathy issue goes, Barack’s odd habit of looking side to side may have worked in front of 76,000 INVESCO Field sycophants.  However, at a small press conference consisting of 30 some-odd reporters, incessantly pivoting from right to left causes one to resemble a wooden bobble head doll.

During the CNN interview, Mondale intimated that Barack was an idiot with an empathy deficit.  In response, Wolf Blitzer asked the former VP to expound on why he thought Obama lacked emotional connection with the American people.   Beholden to root around for another “he’s very bright” compliment to moderate his short-on-rapport critique, the polite Mondale replied, “I’ve seen places where he’s done it. The Milwaukee speech, I thought was terrific. I think some of these backyard events are terrific.

It wasn’t purposeful, but Walter’s comments implied Barry is self-assured only when stirring up audiences in labor union T-shirts and requesting chili pepper doggy bags, but wavers if addressing sixth grade students.

According to Walter Mondale, Barack is a brilliant idiot, outstanding at extending sympathy, but only when sipping sweet tea in backyard focus groups.  As a result, Obama’s electronic Siamese twin has been saddled with the undue burden of having to come up with a brilliantly empathetic retort to Mondale’s insightful assessment of an unfeeling man, unable to express inner conviction without the direct assistance of an “idiot board.”

QE II Conga Line

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All 40 songs loaded into the Queen’s IPod, by the esteemed First Couple, are integrated into a parody recounting their visit to Buckingham Palace.

Obama and Michelle were so excited about their visit with the Queen of England that they wanted to leave her with “Memories” she would never forget. Realizing they overlooked buying her a proper gift they were relieved when they found Sasha’s IPod, unopened, aboard Air Force One. Connected by satellite to ITunes, the first couple still had time to insure they didn’t appear to be hippies straight out of the Age of “Aquarius,” so they used the transatlantic flight time to load the pink IPod with specially selected mp4’s for the Queen.

Not wanting to make the same mistake they made with Gordon Brown-Nose they wanted to make sure their gift had a message that was more than just, “The Sound of Music.” The Narcissist-in-Chief felt that the choices should have educational value, instructing Her Royal Highness in his brilliance, rhetorical skills and abilities, justifying him in her eyes, as leader of the free world.

Downloading began with, “I Dreamed a Dream,” which he felt encapsulated the spirit of his extraordinary life. Michelle felt that the Queen’s IPod should be filled, …not as it was…but as it should be.” They were sure their inspiration would insure the Monarch, “On a Clear Day” the ability to, “See forever and ever more,” but it had to be in the way they wanted her to see!

Both Barry and Michelle made choices that spoke of “Hope and Change like “Yes We Can, ” by Will.i.am. They wanted to let Liz know that, “The Impossible Dream” had come to pass in their lives. And thanks to the “People” of America, who were “Once in Love with (Billy) (Amy) asked (Where’s Barry)(Charley ),” as a result of that question, “The Best of Times” have been instituted in the colonies, which are now affectionately referred to as the United States of “Camelot.”

Palace officials reported to the BBC that the Duke of Edinburgh expressed little or no interest in meeting with the Obama’s because he had prior plans to go carriage-driving. Buckingham Palace staff overheard yelling prior to the official visit and Philip saying, “I’m Telling You, I’m Not Going.” He followed up with “I’d rather be placed in the chokey then spend the afternoon with those two roister doisters! He was also overheard mumbling to himself, “I know, I know, “If I Loved You” I would go” and “I’ll see you, ’Tonight’. Finally, Philip relented telling his Queen, “If Ever I Would Leave You— it wouldn’t be in springtime and it certainly wouldn’t be at the mercy of those three…him, her and that thing he drags around with him anywhere he goes.”

Barry requested that, “Seventy-six Trombones in the Big Parade” be played when he and his lovely bride crossed the threshold into the Queen and Duke’s presence but had to settle on entering arm-and-arm with Michelle and one of his twelve teleprompters to the tune of, “You’ll Never Walk Alone.” Not being properly set-up, Barry stumbled and seemed to forget the Royal’s names, stuttering, “Um, um, ahhhhh, ah, ah, um.” Michelle elbowing her husband with her perfectly toned arm, covered up by a whimsically unbuttoned J. Crew sweater said, “Try to Remember,” you big goof ball!

The first song in the IPod playlist was “Getting to Know You” suggested by the ever captivating and tony Michelle Obama, who broke into “Hello Dolly” upon entering the Duke of Edinburgh and Queen Elizabeth’s private living quarters. When the Queen reacted to Michelle’s salutation with a perplexed look on her face, Michelle being sensitive and astute changed to one of the Queen’s favorites and in her best Charles Braswell voice segwayed into, “Mame,” which was met with the Queen dropping her handbag to applaud.

It was reported that the Queen, at one point, whispered to Philip who “Sent in this clown?” Later it was clarified that what she really said was, “I’m glad they’re in town!” The Duke was greeted by Barack doing his own rendition of a show tune favorite, “If I Were a Rich Man. Barry wanting to exhibit his limitless creativity to the royal couple, while remaining friends with Reverend Wright, left out the, “Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum” and inserted in its place a few carefully situated James Brown inspired “OOUHS” and integrated some fancy footwork from the late superstar, inviting them both to join in by asking, “Shall We Dance?

Barack Obama commented on the Queen’s lovely salmon-colored outfit and clutch, to which the Duke responded, “Yeah but, “I’ve Grown Accustomed to Her Face.” Leaning in to Barry’s uncomfortably over-sized ear, the elderly Philip shared that immediately following tea he’d be shuffling off to have a little rendezvous with a chambermaid named, “Maria” and planning to get, “…ripped to the tits” taking advantage of the “Seasons of Love” while he still could. Winking and asking Obama, “If you know what I mean Bloke?”

After the President shared that he had met with the Chinese, the Russians and David Cameron without nodding off…Prince Philip asked whether it was difficult for him, being a black man, to  “…tell the difference between them?”

Michelle wanted The Reflex by Duran Duran on the IPod but decided instead on “Diamonds are a Girl’s Best Friend” in honor of the Queen’s crown collection. Michelle, always thinking ahead, figured it would be a great “ice” breaker and make it easier for her to request trying on and wearing the Queen’s tiara to dinner with Gordon Brown-Nose and Jamie Oliver at Fifteen. It was reported that Michelle grabbing the Queen and pinching her face and calling her a “Cheeky monkey” didn’t help her cause.

The Queen ruffled Barack by implying that “The Party’s Over (the Bells are Ringing)” as the explanation for his plummeting poll numbers. Michelle and Barack both nervously chortled at her comment and reassured her that “Everything is Coming Up Roses” and that she shouldn’t believe, “All that Jazz.” They told her that Washington D.C. has been miraculously transformed and the people of America are truly, “One” and looking forward to a bright and glorious “Tomorrow.”

Michelle excused herself and went to the powder room to stare at her biceps. While she was gone Her Majesty sat in a yellow satin 16th century Queen Anne arm chair and perused the IPod while Barack was practicing with his teleprompter. Reading questions like, “Are there raisins in these scones?” and “I prefer drinking Obama tea , which is African Red Bush Rooibos…with herbs and the flavor of Hawaiian fruit. Would you like a sip?”

While flipping through the videos of her trip to the United States, Liz bellowed out to Barry, interrupting him mid-sentence while he was practicing saying, “This tea is a little too hot for my taste,” by asking why “Oklahoma” wasn’t included. He answered her, after first checking the teleprompter screen, “You’ve never been to Oklahoma.” He assured her that on her next visit to the states either on “A Clear Day” or maybe even, “Some Enchanted Evening” he will have Marine One fly her over Tulsa where she could get a close up look at the Golden Driller.

Michelle was somewhat put off when the Queen of England asked her why her eyebrows were so high and why they were shaped so sharply like a “V.” The Queen shared that she thought that it might be some kind of “Chicago tattoo thing!” If that weren’t enough, Liz then asked why one of Shelley’s eyes always looked smaller than the other when she smiled?

Michelle was very touchy feely with the Queen’s staff while waiting for the next cue on what to do. She noticed one of the maids crying. Michelle found out her name was Argentina. Michelle told her, “Don’t Cry for Me Argentina” I get to wear Michael Kors after lunch.

Michelle continued with the hands-on, non-royal protocol with Queenie herself. To get her back for the eyebrow comment, all six-feet of Michelle picked up the diminutive Queen swung her around once, knocking an urn filled with the late Queen Mother’s ashes off the fireplace mantle .

Grabbing the Monarch around the waist, Michelle appeared to be leading her in a specific direction in the same way Tom Cruise ushers Katie Holmes around. The British press was confused because it seemed as if the Monarch was hugging Michelle in return but it was later reported that she was trying to escape.

Much to Lizzy’s surprise, Michelle removed the Queens clip-on earrings and licking the earplugs of the IPod, placed them directly into Elizabeth’s ears. The playlist was queued up to I’m On Fire by Bruce Springsteen. Wanting to expose the Queen to Washington culture and it being Wednesday, Michelle, remaining true to White House tradition, began organizing a slow-shuffle Buckingham Palace conga line. The group did the conga all through the Royal living quarters.  Throwing her head back in wild abandon and really getting into the chugging-train beat, the Queen later breathlessly said, “With that wild girlfriend of mine…I Could Have Danced All Night.”

Leaving to return to the Ambassador’s residence in Regent’s Park after all the fun and frivolity, Michelle and Barack extended their hands for the royal couple to kiss, bidding adieu and feeling “As If We Never Said Goodbye. Noses pressed up against the dark glass of the Presidential Hummer, Shelley and Barry disappeared from the shadow of Buckingham Palace enclosed and safely sheltered in, “The Music of the Night” and having officially changed the name of the G-20 to the itz2-la84US Summit.

Copyright 2009 Jeannieology. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed

Erin GO’Bama

image4871617x1In Style Magazine sent a crew right over to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue yesterday morning to do a story on the new level of panache that has permeated the White House. Apparently, in an effort to reenact the same atmosphere as the South Side of Chicago’s green river, the North Side of the White House lawn’s fountain had its frothy water dyed green in honor of St. Patrick’s Day. Not since John F. Kennedy has such innovative flair and cutting edge class resided at the people’s house.

When asked why the First Lady decided to institute this ground-breaking tradition she said, “This is America not as it was…but as it should be! For eight years, that fountain has flowed with crimson water symbolizing American’s who have been lost or injured in George W. Bush’s illegal war, now it’s time for a Change and I’m initiating that Change by bringing some new color to this White House!”

The First Lady expressed excitement when sharing that the red, green and black, which she plans to have in the fountain on Kwanzaa, will require a little more creative forethought.  The fashion forward icon assured the press corps that she had full confidence that her White House staff will work out those details as the Kwanzaa season approaches.

The day was celebrated with all things Irish. Michelle came to breakfast in the same emerald green kia milla haute couture sleeveless dress, she donned for the White House Stevie Wonder celebration, paired with  green suede Chukka boots, lined in politically correct faux fur. Of course the First Lady was wearing Tom Binn, her favorite Irish designer’s jewelry and in honor of that famous Irish President Ronald Reagan, chose Binn’s fabulously controversial Ronald Reagan piece.

Giggles prevailed with Sasha and Malia and the White House staff when Barry O’Bama showed up at breakfast in shamrock boxer shorts, Irish twill Donegal cap and black patent leather shoes with over sized gold buckles. Michelle requested that her usual morning grits be green and that Irish Oatmeal cake be served for dessert in place of the usual family favorite HuckleBarry Cobbler.

It seems as though there was more than orange juice served for breakfast because in good fun, Barry O’Bama thanked himself when introducing Irish Prime Minister Brian Cowen. The Prime Minister was a few lines into his own address when he realized he was repeating Barry’s speech off  the teleprompterChuckling in a heritage-boasting Irish belly laugh Mr. O’Bama returned to the podium and explained to the puzzled audience that the St. Patrick’s Day leprechaun hat he had placed on the teleprompter slipped over the script and screwed the whole thing up.

Barry must have been taste testing the contents of a small fountain, which Mrs. Obama asked be duplicated for her scheduled cocktail reception, prior to the event. The replica was filled with “green sparkling wine from a Californian vineyard.” The green libation, together with her favorite creamed dishes spinach and broccoli soup, made the occasion Irish in every way. Mrs. Obama prepared a short speech to offer heart-felt apologies to the Irish Prime Minister for her daughter Sasha’s culturally insensitive attitude toward all things green. She explained, Sasha still does not like the broccoli soup. To kids it’s green and it’s horrible.”

The President, with a lampshade on his head, from the old Bush family living quarters, joked “about the free-flowing bar and warned guests not to wear lampshades on their heads in front of the cameras.” Barry’s playful antics were met with jovial hilarity from Irish “Chieftain” Brian Cowen, who had still not fully recovered from the teleprompter incident earlier in the day.

The American Taoiseach spoke about his own Irish heritage and how his family, on his mother’s side, came from a small Irish town called Moneygall (which explains why he has the absolute gall to take our money the way he does).  Falmouth Kearney, O’Bama’s great, great grandfather “was born in County Offaly, before immigrating to the US in 1850. In spite of her husband’s obvious ethnic pride, Michelle refused to recognize great-great grandpa Kearney. It appears that when Michelle’s ancestors were escaping on the Underground Railroad, there is evidence that Falmouth was a slave owner just five years after arriving on American shores.

Cowen presented the O’President with a Waterford Crystal Bowl filled with shamrocks, which the First Lady asked to be tossed into the salad by the White House Chef in an effort to show solidarity with the Irish.   Immediately following lunch, Nancy Pelosi showed pictures of her “Irish” grandchildren, Sean, Liam and Ryan, while the Corrigan Brother’s performed, There is No One as Irish as Barack O’Bama. Speaker Pelosi tearfully acknowledged the absence of the greatest Irishman of them all, Teddy Kennedy. She then offered a toast of Guinness and had the attendees forgo the traditional conga line to participate in a short  Irish step dancing class in his honor.

Leprechaun teleprompter incident aside, a good time was had by all. It was Guinness, politically correct gay-llic pronunciation, green soup, sea-foam green in the fountain and an AIG greenback scandal in the news. Even Erin GO’Bama was feeling the luck of his 3% Irish and counted on the future possibility of finally finding his Pot-O-Gold on the other side of a brightly colored socialist rainbow, brimming over with the money of every American tax payer.  So clink those icy mugs of beor ghlas and pile your plate with shamrock and radicchio salad its party-time at the Green Behind the Ears White House.

Copyright 2009 Jeannieology. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed

Teleprompter Thespian

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Washington DC was abuzz with interest after the White House press core reported people outfitted in Shakespearean garb going in and out of the Oval Office. There was a flutter of activity when someone yelled, “Thou mangled boil-brained harpy!” right before Nancy Pelosi appeared in a nearby corridor scurrying on her way to the Capitol for a meeting with Brad Pitt. The reporters concluded that the Elizabethan outfits were an effort to make a statement to the British and specifically to Gordon Brown that we sincerely want to remain in close relationship with our English allies.

Meanwhile as that “…mangled boil-brained harpy”– I mean Speaker Pelosi, was being shuttled to the Capitol for her appointment with New Orleans aficionado the adulterous, Achilles of compassion Brad Pitt, originally from Missouri, she recharged her cell phone so that she could exercise, “…bragging rights to her children and grandchildren. All a twitter and frenetically “Twittering” away,  Madame Speaker happily cloistered herself with the actor in a closed door summit willingly submitting herself to the “The Power of Pitt.” Soon after she emerged a bit tussled and flushed across her upper chest and the lower parts of her face where blood still circulates.

With Shakespearean actors at the White House and Benjamin Button in the Brumidi corridor of the Capital building, there was definitely something thespian-like afoot in our nation’s capital.

A person who spoke under total anonymity confided that both Brad and the Elizabethans were called to address Obama’s teleprompter dependency saying that, “Barack Obama doesn’t go anywhere without his teleprompter.  He feels its bad luck, it’s kind of like his baby blanket. He is addicted to it and needs to be ‘prompted’ in order to speak publicly.” They said that recently, he was unable to give a six-minute tribute to Abraham Lincoln without his teleprompter. The highest IQ to ever heat up the Oval Office needed to have his deepest feelings about his political soul mate technologically fed to him?   In fact, a White House housekeeper reported that she even saw a portable teleprompter in the First Couple’s bedroom with the words, “I told you before, I did put my socks in the hamper, damn it!”

Obama seems to be intimidated even when endorsing his economic stimulus package, which he has been reiterating ad nauseam for months. His technical team admitted that “After the teleprompter malfunctioned a few times last summer and Obama delivered some less-than-soaring speeches” it became evident that if he was going to be able continue to convince the whole nation to blindly and mindlessly accept his policies he needed to be able to wing it without his tattered security blanket and rubbery pacifier.

That’s where Brad Pitt comes in. When he “slipped out a side door” of the Capitol and took an “elevator to the basement subway” he had with him a complete copy of the teleprompter text for the next few months. Pitt had been asked to memorize the script, return to Washington DC and give a private performance to the President and members of his closest inner circle. Brad is attempting to demonstrate to Obama that it can be done.  Reminding him of Martin Sheen, he exhorted the President that he too can believably emote and speak about things he knows nothing about and still convince a whole nation of mind-numbed robots that he knows what he’s talking about without a crutch, crumb of knowledge or conviction.

The President is encouraged about the prospect of Pitt’s help. It was reported that he was, “training to wean himself off of the device while on vacation in Hawaii. But no such luck.” His test flight was after the death of his Grandmother, Madelyn. To test the progress of his teleprompter detox, he set up undercover in the Borthwick Mortuary in Honolulu.  With three enraptured technicians as his audience, he was still unable to get through the first 30 seconds of homage to Granny Dunham.

Obama and his staff are counting on Brad to be a personal presidential Lee Strasberg and be on call to coach the Commander-in-Chief through some very important speeches in the near future. In fact, Obama is so desirous to have Mr. Pitt available, if he is needed to make a statement at the spur of the moment, that a portion of the White House has been cordoned off to accommodate Angie and the six kids. Sasha and Malia are thrilled and Angelina is happy because Zahara has felt out of place lately in their racially imbalanced family.

In the meantime, those Shakespearean actors in the Oval Office were representatives from Memorize Shakespeare, a Toronto-based company that “has launched a product …to help actors learn their lines by listening to them.” Memorize will be working in conjunction with Mr. Pitt. Obama met this group in Cuba where he spent time before his Inauguration touring clinics and getting policy ideas from Castro for his Health Care initiative.

The group has agreed to make an exception to their rule and allow Brad Pitt to tape the speeches complete with inflections and emotion in the appropriate places so that Obama can utilize their product Scene Partner to learn what to say without a teleprompter. In order to do this, “Obama” will be the character that Obama will be learning. He will download the “Obama” character as enacted by Brad Pitt and Pitt will become Obama’s scene partner as Obama learns to play himself.

The way it works is that the lines are split into short segments to not overwhelm the actor. At the end of each sector of speech, a bell rings and the actor repeats the section. According to Scene Partner their “…actors read the text with only the appropriate rhythm. Obama chose September by Earth Wind and Fire for the rhythm he wants to represent the cadence of his speech, after realizing it was a standout tune for his Wednesday night conga line.

“The actor learning the lines is not forced into a particular style or encouraged to mimic another actor.” Except in this case, Brad Pitt will personally coach the President on punctuation and emotion encouraging believability in every word he says. In the meantime, President Obama has loaded the lines, recited by Brad Pitt, onto his Ipod. Things like, “…wait, it must not wait, and it will not wait another year” and “…that’s why I pushed for quick action”, or “With the deficit we inherited, Hope, Change, Yes we can and nobody messes with Joe!” Each statement followed by the clanging of a bell similar to the “Market” bell, which rings at the opening and closing of the Stock Exchange to remind the President of the importance of his position.

An alternative plan has been outlined in case the President should find it impossible to memorize his lines without a teleprompter. In cases of emergency, Obama will ask the cameramen to pan out while he is speaking and will lip-sync directly from the words of Brad Pitt. This will ensure that his message of hope and change continues to get out. The tempo of Obama’s left-right head movement tends to cause dizziness, which hopefully will throw the listeners off so they won’t notice that his lips don’t match the words.

Mr. Pitt’s agreement to work together with Mr. Obama hinges entirely on the guarantee that he promise to nationalize Pitt’s “Make  It Right New Orleans” campaign.  Ambassador Pitt’s request has been met by the President first glancing toward his teleprompter and then giving the actor the sincere assurance that he plans to “nationalize” anything and everything he possibly can.

Copyright 2009 Jeannieology. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed

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