Tag Archives: Nicolas Maduro

Did Hugo Chávez Pick the New Pope?

120103020208-chavez-praying-story-topOriginally posted at American Thinker

Recently Mahmoud Ahmadinejad predicted that Hugo Chávez would return on the clouds with Jesus on Resurrection Day. Then, Venezuela’s left-wing “president in charge” and hopeful successor to Hugo Chávez, Vice President Nicolás Maduro, gave Hugo credit for convincing Christ to influence the papal conclave to choose a South American pope. Immediately following the white smoke puffing from the Vatican chimney, Nicolás did some puffing of his own, only his was emanating from a bodily orifice bearing no resemblance to a chimney.

Based on his comments, Nicolás Maduro apparently thinks the room-temperature despot is sitting at the right hand of God, still fulfilling the calling of dictator. In the mystical eyes of Maduro, a follower of the late Bhagawan guru Śri Sathya Sai Baba, Chávez is also a “spiritual saint and miracle worker.” The late president of Venezuela is proving so potent a force that at his funeral he actually got Mahmoud to lose his head and commit “haram” by hugging his grief-stricken mother, Elena Frias de Chávez .

Nonetheless, Maduro, who must be smoking something other than Venezuelan cigars, said, “We know that our commander has risen up there and is face to face with Christ.” That comment, which wasn’t a joke, prompted laughter in the crowd Nicolás was addressing. In Maduro’s opinion, Hugo was such a great persuader that when the conclave in Rome was having difficulty choosing a pope, Hugo “got to Christ,” pulled Him aside and whispered in His ear, and thus “influenced things so that a South American pope was chosen.”

And that’s not all. According to Maduro, “One of these days [Chávez] is going to call a constitutional congress in heaven to change the church in the world, so that the people, only Christ’s pure people rule in this world.” That sounds more like Mahmoud’s vision for Islam than Jesus’ vision for a fallen planet the Bible says is destined for destruction by fire.

Besides, if Hugo Chávez is so persuasive that he was able to move the hand of God to install Argentine Archbishop Jorge Mario Bergoglio as Pope Francis I, how come he couldn’t persuade the Almighty to cure his terminal pelvic cancer and allow him to oppress Venezuela for another 14 years?

Everyone knows how Hugo’s story ended. Therefore, in death as in life, Chávez is so highly esteemed that there were plans to call in a taxidermist — of sorts — to preserve Hugo’s body so that he can be put on exhibition in Caracas. That way, Chávez can lie in state in a manner similar to dead dictators he has admired, such as Kim Jong Il, Hồ Chí Minh, Stalin, Lenin, and Argentine megalomaniac Evita ‘don’t cry for me’ Perón.

Based on Maduro’s assessment of the sainted Hugo Rafael Chávez Frías, one would think the nation of Venezuela was in possession of an incorruptible corpse. Now we come to find out that after leaving St. Hugo’s body on display in a military academy like some sweaty salami sandwich that’s been sitting in the sun too long, embalming experts who were called in are of the opinion that Chávez’s carcass may have passed its sale date, so to speak.

Russian embalming specialists had expressed their willingness to drain Chávez’s blood from his tissues, remove his organs, pump him full of embalming fluid and submerge his sorry ass into a bathtub filled with formaldehyde, and then put the lid on it, wrap it in a white cloth, and basically pickle him in a room with “precise temperature and humidity conditions” for six months.

The Russians were even willing to instruct the Venezuelans on the upkeep, temperature and humidity requirements, the “bacterial threats,” the need for a sterile sarcophagus, the twice-weekly inspection, and the need for Hugo to be submerged every year and a half in the embalming solution for one month, then dried off, gussied up, and plopped back out on the display bed.

Now we come to find out that because Chávez was distracted by telling Jesus who His pick for pope should be, he forgot to transmit the directive to the people in charge of his preservation that if his corpse was going to be dressed up and put on permanent display, “precautionary steps would have to have [been] taken much earlier.” In other words, once again, from the smell of things, there’s something rotten in Caracas.

Nuking Hugo

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Originally posted at American Thinker blog

Forget “Abraham, Martin and John,” now we have Hugo, Jesus and Mahdi because Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is convinced that Chávez will return to the earth with the redeemer of Islam, 12th Imam Mahdi’s personal deputy Jesus Christ.

Extolling Jesus as Mahdi’s deputy is unusual coming from a man that despises Jews, which is precisely what Jesus the ‘deputy’ is.  Maybe Mahmoud is just a little confused and thinks Jesus, who the Shias call Isa, is Roman Catholic like Hugo.

Either way, one thing is for sure: Iran’s president believes Hugo Chávez’s stature is such that he’ll be returning on “resurrection day” with religious figures Mahmoud believes are Islam’s allies — even if they’re not.

Grief-stricken over Chávez’s death, Iran’s president wrote a letter of condolence to Venezuela’s interim president, Nicolás Maduro, in which he spoke in glowing terms about the dead dictator.

According to crazy-as-a-loon Mahmoud, although Hugo is very much dead, he believes that:

Chávez is alive, as long as justice, love and freedom are living. He is alive, as long as piety, brightness, and humanity are living. He is alive, as long as nations are alive and struggle for consolidating independence, justice and kindness.

Okeydokey.

Placing Chávez in the company of a deity, Iran’s president continued his tribute:

I have no doubt that he will come back, and along with Christ the Savior, the heir to all saintly and perfect men, and will bring peace, justice and perfection for all.

Pouring it on with more gusto than he does when talking about wiping Israel “off the map,” Mahmoud concluded:

Hugo Chávez was a name known to all nations. His name is reminiscent of pure innocence, kindness, fortitude and love for the people, to serve the people, especially the poor and the victims of colonialism and imperialism by arrogant powers. He is indeed a martyr of the road to service to Venezuelan people, and preserving human and revolutionary values.

All that love, peace, and perfection talk is unusual coming from an anti-Semite Twelver Shī’a Muslim bent on personally ushering in the return of the 12th Imam by generating a worldwide cataclysm with a nuclear bomb.

Undeterred by mutually assured destruction, Mahmoud is willing to see Iran go up in smoke as an ultimate act of martyrdom on behalf of Muhammad al-Mahdii.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad’s plan?  Destroy the Zionist nation where, whether he realizes it or not Jesus Christ is due to return east of Jerusalem on the Mount of Olives. So if Ahmadinejad nukes Israel to usher in chaos on the wrong day and Chávez is coming back with Jesus, Mahmoud will be nuking Hugo.

 

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