Thanks in great part to randy American women clamoring for free birth control, at least for now, Barack Obama’s slippers can remain parked beside the bed in the living quarters of the White House. So, after the election, as company after company began firing workers, I got to thinking: “Do unemployed people even feel like having sex?” I sure do hope so, because it would be a huge waste of the taxpayers’ money if all those free contraceptives Barack Obama promised to dole out sat idle.
Notwithstanding one of the President’s more ardent same-sex constituencies, women usually prefer men as sex partners and vice versa. With that in mind, after being laid off following Barack’s inspirational post-election victory speech, one can’t help but wonder if men forgot the dread of joblessness, cast aside those pink slips, and got down to business with those ladies still orgasmic over Obama’s reelection.
Let’s face it – with Barack Obama in charge, in the casual sex department, men have it pretty good here in America. Think about it – what greater aphrodisiac is there for a woman than knowing the man in the poster hanging on the ceiling over her bed cares so deeply about her reproductive rights?
Unfortunately, Obama’s free birth control also comes with unemployment checks, food stamps, and foreclosure notices, which has made me curious about the state of America’s libido. After all, if the promise of consequence-free sex is what kept the President in the White House for another term, it would be a tragedy if interest in copulating waned because standing on an unemployment line put a damper on ardor.
So, with that in mind, I decided to do a little research of my own on the subject.
Because sex sells, I figured that just about any semi-trashy women’s magazine would hold the answer to my query. I was also of the belief that the Cosmo set would certainly support a job killer like Barack Obama if he promised them free accoutrements to facilitate the killer sex these publications are always talking about.
I chose Glamour magazine because for one of his many hard-hitting pre-election interviews, Glamour editor-in-chief Cindi Leive secured a face-to-face with Mr. Obama. On behalf of Glamour’s large female audience, in an article that appeared in the magazine’s November issue, Leive broached the subject that unemployment is higher for women since the President took office in 2009, but then predictably segued from joblessness into abortion and contraception.
Regrettably, Ms. Leive never thought to bring up the possible effect being unable to put food on the table or gas up the car might have on libidos of the female recipients of the free birth control Obama is always peddling, or their sex partners.
Instead, the general gist of Leive’s article suggested that even though 12.5 million people are currently unemployed – many of whom are women – depression and dumpster-diving do nothing to diminish the need for readily available government-funded contraceptive devices.
Quite frankly, if I were doing the interview I would have asked the President how women standing on unemployment lines find the time to fit fornication into their busy schedules. Understandably, I was not the one posing that question to Mr. Obama.
However, before Ms. Leive interviewed the provider of female prophylactics, maybe she should have checked some of the blog entries of her own sex-crazed magazine, and more specifically the contributions of “Sex, Love & Life” blogger Gena Kaufmann.
In the February 2012 issue of Glamour, Kaufmann posted an article entitled “Ugh, The Stupid Economy Is Still Ruining Everything, Including Your Sex Life.” In it, Gena makes the following observation:
With the upcoming presidential election, I’m hearing a lot of conflicting statements about the state of the economy in various political ads and debates. I don’t know if it’s really any better or not, but it appears one thing is still down in the dumps and unfortunately, it’s libidos.
Ya think? Just ask the Greeks. Anyway, Ms. Kaufman even cited her own “Economic Sex Woes.” According to Gena, her libido went south after a sluggish economy forced her to move back home with Mom and Dad.
Offering solutions on how to rev up an economically-suppressed sex drive, the author suggested that her temporarily celibate readers “[r]emember to spend time together and make each other feel good, even if you’re both feeling pretty crappy over unemployment or money problems.”
I can’t say for sure what happened on November 6th at the Ohio polling place where Gena cast her vote. However, based on her admiration for the first couple, I would venture a guess that Kaufmann, who gushed, “Gah, I’m just crazy about these two,” likely cast a vote for the same guy whose sex life-demolishing policies forced her back onto her parents’ couch.
Nonetheless, as a result of my research project, I’ve come to the conclusion that Obama’s female supporters have yet to fully grasp the fact that birth control is probably the last thing they’ll be needing in the days ahead. Like it or not, Barack Obama’s ongoing fiscal nightmare will continue to negatively impact America’s libido to such an extent that even Sandra Fluke’s need for contraceptives is about to take a nosedive.
So if Americans are wondering why, less than a week after the reelection of Barack Obama, so many people are being laid off, it’s because an impressive number of the women who voted were more concerned with free contraceptives then they were jobs. What those women fail to recognize is that the man promising to facilitate hours of baby-proof sex is also the overseer of an economy that even Obama-loving women’s magazines admit is ruining their chances for realizing the sex life they seek with anyone other than chronically unemployed men.