Tag Archives: Let’s Move

MR. PRESIDENT, HOW ABOUT GIVING SOME BACK? America’s #GimmeFive Questions for Obama

Originally posted at CLASH Dailybo-2-300x180

America has endured over five years of pure mayhem that has resulted in a national health crisis that has systematically caused politically-induced high blood pressure and heart failure.

Despite suffering from a cancerous condition that is currently eating away at the very fabric of our great nation, we have a first lady who ignores the obvious illnesses her husband has both literally and figuratively inflicted on otherwise strong Americans. Instead, Michelle Obama chooses to focus on superficial hashtag campaigns that are supposed to encourage a level of health in a nation being slowly poisoned by her liberal husband’s progressive policies.

Not to be disrespectful, but Michelle’s #GimmeFive hashtag effort has about as much influence on the Obama-inflicted poor health of America as a Band-Aid would have on Dana Carvey’s SNL character Massive Head Wound Harry.

Think of it! Here you have a president standing beside his wife in a PSA where she asks tapped-out Americans to #GimmeFive. This from a man who refuses to acknowledge the religious affiliation of Islamic terrorists who remove, at a minimum, five heads a day!

If Barack Obama were looking for five of something, surely ISIS would love to participate in the first lady’s campaign. But the five contributions ISIS would ‘gimme’ to Obama would have nothing to do with planting gardens, dance class, or fruits and vegetables. Instead, on behalf of #GimmeFive, ISIS would deliver five heads an hour to an ever-growing pile of bodiless corpses.

For the rest of us poor schmucks who for the time being still have our heads, #GimmeFive has the potential to take on a whole different meaning.

In fact, if Americans were on the receiving end instead of the #GimmeFive end of the campaign, Barack Obama giving us five of something we need to benefit our health would probably do more for corporate vigor than Michelle Obama demanding that we all Drink Up! five bottled waters a day.

After all, for five-plus years, Barack Obama has been saying #gimme #gimme #gimme to us, and what he hasn’t been able to Constitutionally #gimme, he’s seized anyway.

That’s why, perhaps it’s time America demands Obama extend some of the #GimmeFive he’s selling in our direction.

For starters, how about we demand Obama #GimmeFive fewer tax dollars taken for every $50 in all of our paychecks, or maybe it’s time we ask why #GimmeFive Obama tweeted that 11.4 million people were enrolled in Obamacare when the millions, give-or-take, were more like five.

Then, after the #GimmeFive advocate gets done explaining some of that stuff to us, maybe he can help us improve our national health and mental wellbeing by giving us five good reasons why, despite negotiating with Iran, two Americans – one a pastor and the other a US Marine – whose total years incarcerated add up to more than five, are still rotting in an Iranian jail.

How about Obama explaining to America why, after five years of empty promises, our border remains open, and millions upon millions of dangerous illegals, sick unaccompanied illegal minors, and terrorist types of every stripe continue to sneak in and threaten the safety and wellbeing of our citizens?

And about the unemployment rate, why say that it’s down to 5.6% knowing full well that it’s more like double that?

Can Obama #GimmeFive valid reasons for any of that?

How about five justifications as to why, for the last five years, he’s turned his back on Israel, or here at home increased the national debt by 53%? How about answering the question as to why his #gimme wife goes on approximately five $5 million #gimme taxpayer-funded vacations a year, or why five dangerous Taliban fighters were swapped for one pusillanimous Army deserter?

What about the five specific times your #GimmeFive administration attempted and failed to circumvent the law?

As for the #GimmeFive proposal, here’s another question that needs to be answered: why do Obama and Michelle lunch at Five Guys while government-funded school lunches consist of five grapes, five pieces of dried-out melba toast and five ounces of warm skim milk?

So if Michelle Obama and her husband Barack want to focus on health, maybe they can begin the process by offering a few #GimmeFive answers to some of America’s most gut-wrenching, health-eroding questions.

 

WILL VENEZUELA INSPIRE MICHELLE? Fingerprinting Food Controls

fingerprint-search-md-300x180Originally posted at Clash Daily

Hugo Chávez has assumed room temperature but his successor, President Nicolas Maduro, is no less a socialist than the deceased dictator who preceded him.

As a result, socialism is working so well in oil-rich Venezuela that Hugo Chávez’s effort to ensure that the poor live more dignified lives has resulted in everyone in Venezuela living a more undignified life where food is scarce and poverty is widespread.

In other words, in Venezuela the playing field has been leveled, making everyone proportionately miserable.

America has different problems. Venezuela has a food shortage while we have an overabundance of junk food. Venezuela has a dictator, and America has a first lady seeking to dictate children’s portion sizes and food choices, so Michelle Obama could definitely learn a thing or two from Venezuela’s new food rationing system.

According to the central bank’s scarcity index, as of January of this year, quite unlike here in the U.S. where government is purposely emptying out school vending machines to protect children from their own lack of self-discipline, “more than a quarter of basic staples were out of stock in Venezuelan stores.”

Some astute prepper-type Venezuelans were concerned that food that is scarce may become even scarcer, so they did what anyone hoping to survive would do – they hoarded limited items like flour and sugar whenever they could get it.

Doing what all socialist dictators tend to do, rather than blame price-cutting and the overall failure of socialism, Venezuela’s president blames the entire food shortage on profit-hungry companies and black-market vendors who buy groceries at subsidized prices and then smuggle flour, sugar, and cooking oil over the border into Columbia to sell at inflated prices.

Here at home, if the growing American Lunchroom Insurrection continues to gain momentum, what goes on between Venezuela and Columbia could certainly be a foreshadowing of what lies ahead in capitalist American schoolyards if expelled junk food is smuggled onto school property and banned soda is sold at jacked-up prices.

Generally, socialists disapprove of storing or hoarding food – it’s just not fair! So, to regulate who buys food and how much and to curtail “over-buying” and food trafficking, Venezuela’s president has instituted a mandatory biometric fingerprinting system, due to be in place by the end of this year, which will be used in both government-run and privately-owned grocery stores.

Although the “secure supply” system is being called “anti-fraud,” fingerprinting food shoppers is really a government effort to ration the little bit of food that presently sits on Venezuela’s grocery shelves.

The bad news for America is that if Michelle Obama catches wind of the idea, there’s a chance in the future that junk food junkies could be stopped dead in their tracks, mid-Double Stuffs, by a grocery store fingerprinting system.

In Venezuela where there is a need for stringent control, the idea started as a voluntary ID system that tracked purchases. The goal was that after waiting for five or more hours on endless lines at government-run “share the wealth” markets, people would be assured access to the bare necessities. Lack of bare necessities is why men with rifles guard the ketchup on the otherwise empty shelves inside warehouse-sized supermarkets and why purchases are meted out by the Venezuelan government.

Hey! Rifle-toting men might be a great way to convince schoolchildren to submit to Michelle Obama’s gag-inducing lunch menu.

Meanwhile in Venezuela, in order to prevent those who didn’t initially sign up for the ID card from buying the same item twice, mandatory fingerprints will be linked to a computer system that will monitor everyone’s food purchases.

Food Minister Felix Osorio, who is sort of a Venezuelan version of Sam Kass, Senior Policy Advisor for Nutrition Policy and “Let’s Move!” Executive Director here in America, says that if a person, with or without an ID card, tries to sneak through an extra bag of flour, the purchase will not register and a suspicious-buying-pattern alarm will go off.

As backup, to ensure that shoppers only engage in what the Venezuelan government calls “nervous buying” every eight days, government checkout workers will also record cell phone numbers. To stop parents from exploiting their children, minors will be prohibited from purchasing food.

Again, it’s important to reiterate that carding those who buy foodstuffs in Venezuelan government-run supermarkets started as a voluntary program, which is how it usually starts with socialism: Government control is proposed as voluntary and then it quickly becomes mandatory.

So, if a similar method were to be instituted in America, initially well-meaning people wanting help to control junk food addictions might sign up for an “anti-fatty system” ID card, but in due time, for the sake of equality and the common good, what started as voluntary – like buying health insurance – would probably become mandatory at the checkout counter.

After all, here in America Michelle Obama has already proposed talking shopping carts to steer consumers toward better food choices. That seemingly benign nutritious “nudge” could open the door to a Venezuelan-style fingerprinting system making all our food choices for us.

Fingerprinting, ID cards, computer databases that monitor purchases, alarm systems, cell phone tracking, and age specifications, if properly tweaked, could certainly accommodate the superfluity of American junk food, children with high BMIs, and insubordinately chubby Americans, all of whom are the targets of Michelle Obama’s “Let’s Move!” healthy initiative.

For those Venezuelans applauding the new “secure supply” supermarket controls, intense gratification, above and beyond the fulfillment that comes from hoarding food, will come from knowing that, thanks to government oversight, rich people will not have more milk, flour, or toilet paper than anyone else.

And while that may be the way it’s done in Venezuela, in America, it’s a bit different – at least for now.

However, if future food-buying controls are implemented here at home, above and beyond the fulfillment that comes from pushing health food on the unwilling will be the intense pleasure Mama Obama will experience when fingerprinting guarantees that all Americans adhere to her rules.

Out of the Abundance of Michelle’s Heart

UnknownOriginally posted at American Thinker blog

On the last day of the US-Africa Leaders Summit, Michelle Obama, together with Cokie Roberts and former first lady Laura Bush, attended a White House event to promote empowering women. It was during the conversation about girls and education that the first lady switched from the seriousness of racism to the levity of sexist jokes.

Discussing with Mrs. Bush that countries that typically oppress women oftentimes struggle economically, Michelle shared that she felt that when it comes to speaking up for girls, first ladies “can’t waste [the] spotlight.”  On behalf of both herself and Laura, Michelle pointed out that being first lady “is temporary… life is short, and change is needed.”

Then, apropos of nothing, she added that “women are smarter than men.” Suddenly, it was like a NOW meeting, where women diminish men to feel empowered.

As for Michelle, somehow, after discussing the importance of the spotlight, pointing out the temporary status of a first lady, acknowledging the brevity of life, and promoting change, she segued into “women are smarter than men” which, on the linear trajectory of related topics, didn’t exactly flow.

Although likely a poor attempt at humor, Michelle’s “smarter than” comment, which, together with the concurrent eye-roll and furrowed brow, explains how she views her husband Barack who, as far as we know, is a still a man.

Evidently, Michelle feels she has the right to freely express the type of sexist opinion that a man, out of fear of harsh rebuke, wouldn’t dare say about a woman, even in jest.

Nonetheless, the audience chuckled and then, to cover her derriere with another joke, Mrs. Obama warned that “men can’t complain because you’re outnumbered today.” What was Shelley going to do, wrap the complainers in a “women are stronger than men” half-Nelson?

Confusing the matter more, at one point Michelle shared that “I tease my kids… I tell them I want them to use Instagram to take a picture of something really important rather than their food… I mean, no one really cares what you had for lunch.”

“Women are smarter than men” and “no one really cares what you had for lunch?”

This from a woman who has been so obsessed with food choices that she’s banished traditional bake sales from school premises, replaced snack foods in school vending machines with dehydrated organic kale, and continues to hunt down macaroni and cheese on school lunch menus with the dogged determination of Sherlock Holmes.

Suddenly lunch doesn’t matter?

Remember when, in response to her incessant haranguing, public schools actually gave consideration to recording defiant children tossing veggies in the trash in school cafeterias with “trash-cams?” Now Mrs. Obama empowers her daughters by nixing the pictures of food because she feels there’s more import things to photograph than what they’re eating for lunch?

Michelle Obama is saying these things because she is the embodiment of what Jesus referred to when He said in Luke 6:45 that “out of the abundance of the heart [the] mouth speaks.”

In her heart Michelle Obama probably does think she’s smarter than men and that her brilliance surpasses that of a certain man some say has a brilliant feminine side himself. Moreover, when it comes to policing millions of snapshots of kids’ school lunches, as far as Mama Obama is concerned, Sasha and Malia are the only ones excused.

Food Police Striking Back: Mrs. Obama Doubles Down on School Lunch Diktats

cafe-garbage-630x472Originally posted at The Clash Daily

After all the healthy food hoopla issuing forth from Washington, DC, some school cafeteria directors are now claiming that the phased-in standards associated with Michelle Obama’s federally-funded school lunch program are limited, pricy, and unappetizing. In response, an agriculture spending bill that was written and proposed by Congressman Robert Aderholt, (R-AL) was approved by a House subcommittee. The bill seeks to allow schools to waive the school lunch standards put in place by the first lady and the USDA if, after a six-month period, the programs result in a net loss.

The problem is that like her husband, Michelle Obama does not take kindly to noncompliance. Rebel against the FLOTUS’ control and a harder pushback is sure to follow, which is how Michelle is choosing to deal with the critics of her carrot-stick-and-cauliflower diktats.

In other words, after six years, Americans should be well aware that when it comes to Barack and Michelle Obama, “resistance is futile”.

That’s why even though Congressional efforts to provide waivers to those schools desiring to opt out are being well-received in some circles, similar to the way her husband refuses to budge on Obamacare, Michelle is vowing to fight any and all efforts to defy having the government determine what schoolchildren should eat for school-provided breakfasts and lunches.

Sam Kass, the former personal home chef to the Chicago-based Obamas who now directs Mrs. Obama’s “Let’s Move!” initiative, said Boss Lady Michelle just “wants to have a conversation about what is really happening out in the country.”

Translation: Despite the personal experience of those dealing directly with the negative responses of students rebelling against the federally-funded food edicts, Mrs. Obama is prepared to do the Chicago strong-arm treatment on the non-compliant until they yield to her will.

As usual, propaganda is the first step in the arm-twisting process, which is why the first lady began her retaliation by hosting an event at the White House to highlight the success of a program that is, in fact, largely a failure. At the roundtable, Michelle expressed the opinion that allowing schools to opt out is “unacceptable” to her… “not just as First Lady but also as a mother.”

Rest assured, if they had one, the White House Successful Healthy School Lunch PowerPoint presentation did not include images of cafeteria garbage cans full of black bean and guacamole salad, nor did it include close-ups of the grimacing faces of children attempting to wash down undercooked whole wheat pasta with room-temperature skim milk.

Nonetheless, Democrat drones…sorry, school nutrition officials were summoned to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue to assist Mrs. Obama in her attempt to salvage the restrictive, expensive, and downright dull “Let’s Move!” federally-funded school lunch program. The job of the first lady’s charges was to share how magnificently the healthy food standards are working in their individual penitentiaries schools.

At the roundtable discussion, Über political Michelle said “The last thing we can afford to do right now is play politics with our kids’ health. Now is not the time to roll back everything we have worked for.”

In addition to hype campaigns and targeting Congress, it’s likely that Michelle will also be going after schools that originally signed on to the U.S. Department of Agriculture’s new School Lunch and Breakfast Program who, after citing uneaten provisions being dumped because students turn their noses up at tasteless mandated foods with less sodium, little fat, and restrictive calorie allowances, now want to opt out.

The School Nutrition Association, which represents school nutrition directors and companies that sell food to schools, endorses the Congressional proposal because President Leah Schmidt said schools deserve more autonomy.

Autonomy is a philosophical notion that is anathema to both Mama Obama and her enforcers in the federal government.

Nonetheless, Schmidt believes that “School meal programs need more flexibility to plan menus that increase student consumption of healthy choices while limiting waste,” which is why Leah was not asked to be part of Mrs. Obama’s supposedly non-political, one-sided White House discussion.

Regrettably, representatives from the 524 schools who thus far have chosen to drop out of the school lunch program were not in attendance either. Neither was the superintendent of the Waterford, Wisconsin school district that dropped the school lunch program because “students complained about taste, portions are not big enough for athletes and dollars get wasted on fruits and vegetables that students must take but often are thrown away.”

Mrs. Obama’s advocator, Sam Kass, claims that allowing schools to opt out is a “real assault” on the first lady’s effort to assault kids by force-feeding them horrible tasting food. According to Mr. Kass, even though one million students are choosing to opt out, and the ones who haven’t opted out just yet are cranky, starving, and sneaking off campus for lunch, “These standards are working!”

No offense to Sam, who’s probably a nice enough guy, but that is just the sort of delusional optimism and contrived positivity typically projected by the president and first lady’s toadies in their attempts to convince an unwilling America to accept yet another failed Obama policy.
Read more at http://clashdaily.com/2014/05/food-police-strking-back-mrs-obama-doubles-school-lunch-diktats/#zmQUA5JahwjFvPij.99

Mrs. Obama Addresses ‘Fatty Ass-ids’ and ‘WAT-AHH’

michelle-obamaOriginally posted at American Thinker blog

Fresh off the slopes of Aspen and obviously unaware that her husband had just recently dissed students seeking a degree in art history and spoken in a drought-stricken area of the country, Michelle Obama headed east to New York City to attend an exhibition at Manhattan’s New Museum, which hosted an art show featuring street art that promotes drinking water.

The first lady spent the afternoon greeting fawning middle school kids who were there for the exhibit, which was produced by the ‘drink water’ foundation WAT-AHH titled “Taking Back the Streets.”

The foundation WAT-AHH and 14 artists collaborated in the effort. The art and murals in the show glorified what humans used to do all the time without coercion. The goal of the art show is to lessen the unhealthy messages kids are often barraged with and get them to drink water. Whether or not the H2O drinkers were instructed to check the New York City Department of Health Boil Water advisories is not known.

Nonetheless, Mrs. Obama said to the 8th graders, “This is so exciting and you are all so cool. You guys are gonna make a huge, huge impact on the health of our nation.” Not to mention contributing to the success of the Big Apple’s Posh Stow and Go “clean, safe and soundproof” bathrooms that charge $8 a pop.

After the watery museum outing and before making the trip complete by appearing on The Tonight Show with BFF Jimmy Fallon, Mrs. Obama scooted over to a DNC fundraiser at the home of Obama bundler and company reinvigorator Maneesh Goyal.

Jimmy Fallon is a huge Obama supporter, and more importantly a preferred dance partner of Mrs. Obama. Fallon took over just last week for Jay Leno, the old guy from California who often made Barack Obama the butt of jokes when no one else dared, and what do you know — Michelle shows up this week.

Oddly, it seems every time Mrs. Obama appears on a show that Jimmy Fallon hosts he feels compelled to greet her in drag. Now, either Jimmy knows Michelle Obama feels more comfortable around women, or he just prefers dressing like Priscilla, Queen of the Desert.

On Fallon’s fourth night as host, for the first lady’s appearance the show included a valley-girl-type talk show segment featuring Jimmy and Will Ferrell (aka Anchorman Ron Burgundy). Ferrell showed up in pigtails as Stacy, and Michelle Obama showed up as herself.

The talk show was entitled “ew!” with a little “e.” The first lady was the special guest of the strangely-accented Fallon and co-host Will “Stacy” Ferrell in a basement rec room. Fallon introduced “herself,” saying, “I’m Sara, and if you’re wondering, that’s S-A-R-A, with no H because Hs are ew!

In his best valley-girl accent, ‘Sara’ asked Shelley, “Have you been watching the Olympics?” “What’s your favorite event?” Ferrell/Stacy asked.

“One of my favorites is figure skating,” Michelle replied. “Me too!” Fallon squawked. Then the threesome engaged in a “triple hand hug,” with Fallon on one side, Mrs. Obama on the other, and goofy Ferrell squeezed in the middle.

Shelley also told Stacy and Sara that kale chips are high in Omega-3 fatty ass-ids… sorry, fatty acids.

Later on in the show, Mrs. Obama made a grand congratulatory entrance in an elegant black sleeveless dress. The host and the first lady then discussed the Olympics, the unaffordable Affordable Care Act, and her children, Sasha and Malia.

Americans across the nation are suffering from cancelled health insurance, joblessness, and overall discouragement and malaise. Questions concerning the IRS, Benghazi, and the NSA go unanswered while Michelle talks about pressing issues like 16-year-old Malia not understanding why the daughter of the President of the United States can’t get her driver’s license and flit around Washington DC in “The Beast.”

So there you have it — another day in the exhilarating, whirlwind life of first lady Michelle Obama. Thankfully, gone are the hum-drum days of Laura Bush who, rather than focusing on dire emergencies like increasing people’s water consumption, picked mind-numbing things to do like advocate for literacy.

In comparison to Mrs. Obama, Mrs. Bush was such a downer. That dowdy Mrs. Bush was so depressing, what with her focus on advancing opportunities for young people and promoting human rights internationally. And, talk about “ew,” why did Laura Bush insist on bringing up the “brutal oppression of women” in Afghanistan or the “cowardly and shameful act” of scarring school girls with acid?

It’s so much more fun having a cool first lady who looks great in sleeveless dresses, hangs out with movie stars and rock stars, can do the Dougie like nobody’s business, and, whenever she does a comedy skit on one show or another, reads cue cards like a pro right along with late night comics who love to do drag.

EBT Cards with No Debt Ceiling

indexOriginally posted at American Thinker blog

President Obama claims to need the debt ceiling raised in order to pay America’s bills. Meanwhile, as Democrats and Republicans quibble, during a routine backup test the EBT system for food stamps crashed,causing a “glitch” in several states where, for a window of time, EBT cards had no limits.  

So, in other words, food stamp recipients got to experience what Barack Obama repeatedly demands, which is the ability to spend money that’s not his, and do it with wild abandon and no limits.

In Louisiana, one of the states affected by the backup test power outage that crashed the EBT system, food stamp recipients in Springfield and Mansfield seized the open-ended opportunity at a local Walmart, joining Barack Obama in his quest to steal from Americans by spending above and beyond the limit.

Viewing the “glitch” as having the food stamp threshold raised, and in keeping with the spirit of ‘raise the debt ceiling’ madness, patrons with EBT cards cleared the shelves when corporate Walmart allowed the EBT cards to be used despite the problem.  

Talk about “Let’s Move!” Based on the crowds of people who showed up in possession of open-ended SNAP entitlement cards, it’s apparent many of them alerted friends and family using their Obama phones, which explains how word traveled so fast.

Once word got around that the EBT ceiling was raised, voracious fraudulence ensued. So much so that police intervention was required because EBT recipients were clearing the shelves in a “glitch-spurred shopping frenzy.”

Springhill Police Chief Will Lynd says Walmart was so packed, “It was worse than any black Friday” he’d ever seen.  For those who don’t know, Black Friday is the day after Thanksgiving when crowds of people all over America stampede each other to death in a mad rush to get a good deal on a flat screen TV.

Meanwhile, back in Louisiana, between the hours of 7:00 to 9:00 pm, shoppers already habituated to getting free stuff loaded up their shopping carts supermarket-sweep style with whatever they could grab off the shelves.  

At 9:00 pm when the EBT cards came back online, people no longer able to scam the system just abandoned overflowing carts and exited the store. Police detained one woman who rang up a $700 grocery bill when her EBT card suddenly showed a balance of 49 cents.  Oops.

In Mansfield, the shopping free-for-all was so large that police were called in for crowd control and the shelves were cleared out before 9:00. Said one customer, “Just about everything is gone, I’ve never seen it in that condition.”

Corporate spokesperson Kayla Whaling explained that Walmart was “fully engaged and monitoring the situation and transactions during the outage.”  Ms. Whaling explained, “We did make the decision to continue to accept EBT cards (and purchases on WIC and SNAP) during the outage so that they could get food for their families.”

That makes sense.  Barack Obama just wants to spend more money than the nation has so he can “level the playing field,” and welfare recipients with 49 cents on their EBT card trying to rush the checkout with $700 worth of food are not stealing, they’re just trying to “get food for their families!”

With government on the verge of exceeding the debt limit and in dire need of more funding for existing debts, the president is setting an excellent example as a leader by demanding Congress vote to take the cap off his $16.7 trillion EBT card, so to speak.

So, as ‘raise the debt ceiling’ madness persists, to drive home the point that there should be no limit on American altruism, maybe Barack Obama can convince his political opponents to remove the limit on all EBT cards indefinitely and pay the bill Walmart shoppers run up when he strong-arms Congress into raising his own credit limit.

Michelle Obama, Hyponatremia, Adult Diapers, and Other Hydration-Related Issues

Originally posted at American Thinker

For America’s aging population, even the mention of water makes a large number of Baby Boomers sprint toward the nearest restroom.  Now to compound the problem, we have first lady Michelle Obama hawking increased water consumption.

Despite the bottled water industry raking in $11.1 billion dollars in 2011 alone and the fact that Americans are already drinking roughly 30 gallons of bottled water per year, Michelle (code name H2O) is quenching her thirst while earning her keep, reminding over-hydrated Americans to hydrate.

And to add credibility to the scheme, star of stage and screen/part-time policy wonk Eva Longoria (who, in case you haven’t heard, makes a mean guacamole) is taking time off from “brainstorming” with the president on border security issues to stand shoulder-to-belly button with Mrs. Obama to promote the project.

It used to be when a person felt hungry, they ate, and when their God-given internal water gauge indicated they were running low, they drank.  That’s the old way.  Now we have Michelle Obama spending her time “nudging” us away from the soda aisle toward the water fountain.

Dr. Timothy Noakes, professor of exercise and sports science at the University of Cape Town in South Africa and author of Waterlogged, rightly pointed out:

You don’t tell your dog or your cat when to drink; they’ve got a thirst mechanism. Why should it be that humans should be the unique animal in the world who [has] to be told when to drink?

Great question, Dr. Noakes, maybe you should ask the first lady.

Regardless of her answer, it’s clear the good doctor doesn’t understand that even when it comes to fundamental things like hunger and thirst, lesser-minded Americans are no longer allowed to trust anything other than the government.

So here’s a new rule! Whether you’re tired or not, when Michelle Obama says “Let’s Move!” you better be moving, and when she says “No sweets!” it’s no sweets or else.  And now, when she says “Drink Up!” America had better be chugging chlorine-infused tap water, or there may be efforts forthcoming from the higher-ups to establish neighborhood-based waterboarding stations.

The “Drink Up” water campaign, bless its heart, is new, so while it’s off to a rousing start, there are quite a few hurdles to surmount.

For instance, “Let’s Move!” Central has not issued specific instructions to the water drinkers in St. Bernard Parish, Louisiana, where the brain-eating amoeba Naegleria fowleri was recently found in the tap water.  Although there is an experimental German drug called miltefosine to which the CDC expanded access to this summer, it’s doubtful the life-saving drug will be covered under Obamacare.

For safety sake, let’s hope the residents of St. Bernard Parish aren’t rinsing their Michelle Obama-mandated organic kale in tap water, Neti-potting their clogged sinuses, or, after sweating along to a Beyoncé “Move Your Body” video, glugging gallons of tap water to cool down.

Then there’s another problem that may arise:  drinking an overabundance of water can be deadly!

Although bastion of moderation Michelle Obama consistently makes healthy lifestyle choices for herself (ahem), low-information lemmings can become presidential people-pleasers and might overdo it.

Moreover, while the first lady still recommends less sodium in our diets, drowning ourselves on a cellular level could lead to a condition called hyponatremia. Hyponatremia is an electrolyte imbalance that causes sodium levels in the body to become dangerously diluted, resulting in symptoms like queasiness, vomiting, headache, and confusion, and can even escalate to convulsions, coma, and death.

An epidemic of sodium depletion, along with the threat of Louisiana brain-eating amoeba, could definitely place undue stress on our fledgling healthcare system. Not to mention water addiction, which manifests as a mental disorder called polydipsia, sufferers of which have been known to compete with the family dog for toilet water.

Subsequently, as part of the first lady’s Watering of America campaign, it’s clear (no pun intended) that in addition to the government monitoring our kidneys, bladders, urine color, and measuring output, squads of hydration specialists may have to be dispatched to prevent nationwide water intoxication.

And let’s not forget vigilant environmentalists who argue that “the production of plastic bottles requires millions of barrels of oil per year,” (ut oh!) as well as the “transportation of bottled water from its source to stores [which allegedly] releases thousands of tons of carbon dioxide.”

Finally, there’s pragmatic issues like inadequate bathroom facilities, the financial strain of high-priced adult diapers, overflowing public pools, and people getting mixed up about where to direct the garden hose.

So as you can see, although good intentions are the motivation behind “Drink Up,” thanks to the wide spectrum of human behavior mucking up the works, drinking more water is not without its problems.

With that in mind, adequately hydrating America is likely to become a complex endeavor and may necessitate direct intervention from yet another team of committed government officials whose task will be to monitor whether or not Americans are following government-regulated water drinking guidelines.

Either way, it’s hard to deny that the first lady’s innovative initiatives are turning out to be very exciting!  That’s why, after “Drink Up” and “Let’s Move!” maybe Sheryl Crow will volunteer to help launch a national “Always Wipe!” movement, which will be personally overseen by – who else? – Michelle Obama.

Mrs. Obama Asks the Question: ‘Is That a Sweet Potato in Your Pocket?’

WALKING SCHOOL BUSOriginally posted at The Blacksphere

Mama Obama isn’t happy just dictating what everyone eats, oh no.

Now, as her hubby is busy throwing America under the bus, the first lady is planning on throwing American children off the bus.

Already a self-appointed nutritionist, Mrs. Obama must be expanding her healthy-living tent to include exercise physiology.  Seems Michelle’s walking points come from WalkingSchoolBus.org, an organization run by the Department of Transportation, the Pedestrian and Bicycle Information Center, and the Partnership for a Walkable America.

Why the switch from the bus to the pavement?  Well, it must be that the woman who rides around in million-dollar limousines that she ships around the world on jumbo cargo planes wants to see what happens when students, thanks to her calorically pared-down school lunch program, are forced to walk home from school on an empty stomach.

Talking to mayors who recently gathered at the White House as part of her “Let’s Move!” anti-obesity campaign, Michelle cited Knox County, Tennessee’s bike-share program and something called a “walking school bus.”

No offense, but come on people, it had to be a liberal that came up with the term “walking school bus.”

A “walking school bus” is defined as a group of children walking to school accompanied by adult chaperones, who will likely be especially thrilled riding the “walking school bus” in high winds, sleet, snow and driving (oops) rain.

For those students who get to the “walking school bus”-stop late, not to worry, children can always take the “bicycle train.” The “bicycle train” pulls out of the station with children on bikes wearing dorky helmets accompanied by unemployed bus drivers also wearing dorky helmets.

Pushing the walking idea, Mrs. Obama, shared her own experience as a walk-to-school student when she said, “I’ve heard more and more of this kind of walking school bus happening all over the country — so that kids can get exercise on the way to school, kind of like we did when we were growing up.”

Are we allowed to ask?  If kids need exercise, will Sasha and Malia and their army of Secret Service agents be hitching a ride on the “walking school bus” too?

And the reason for kicking the kiddies off the school bus is supposed to be for exercise?  Is that even necessary, because based on the negative reaction to Mrs. O’s school lunch program requirements, one would think children are getting plenty of aerobic exercise running screaming from lunchrooms across America.

Although Mrs. Obama only walked 0.7 miles from her home in Chicago on South Euclid Avenue to Bryn Mawr Elementary School on South Jeffery Boulevard, that minor detail shouldn’t disqualify her from being a know-it-all when it comes to walking to school. After all, she regularly tucks into 1,700-calorie lunches, but that doesn’t stop her from sermonizing incessantly about the benefits of steamed organic kale.

Reminiscing, lover of sweet potato fries, Mrs. Obama asked the mayors, “You remember the miles of walking you did with a sweet potato in your pocket?”  Michelle shared that Grandma Robinson, who now lives on the taxpayer dole and rides in the limo with her little girl, told the sweet potato story just that morning, a tidbit the mayors were probably dying to hear.

The first lady didn’t ask for a show of hands, but it would be interesting to know how many of the mayors also walked to school with a sweet potato in their pocket.  And if we need something to look forward to, maybe if Anthony Weiner becomes the New York City mayor Michelle Obama can get him to ’fess up and tell us what he had in his pocket when he walked to school!

“And that’s what Let’s Move! is all about,” said Mrs. Obama, “that’s what we’re really trying to do here.”  Hmmm…do I have this right?  Instead of a chicken in every pot, now it’s about a sweet potato in every pocket?

So there it is! Mrs. Obama summed up her speech to the mayors by saying that Let’s Move! is about kicking kids off school buses, stuffing sweet potatoes in their pockets, and making them drag their hungry, exhausted selves back and forth to school.

Michelle Obama’s Three-Quarters of a Cup of Frustration

Obamas-eating-burgers-300x300Originally posted at The Blacksphere

School officials in Carmel Clay, Indiana are now claiming that because hungry children refused to comply with healthy lunch menu options that were foisted upon them by Mama Obama (a woman who – trust me – never goes hungry), $300,000 in school funding was lost.

Just like other things in life that aren’t worth enduring for the sake of money, neither is the National School Lunch program.

In due time, maybe this particular district will opt out like other school districts are doing.  Then, besides seeing kids eat lunch again, for the first time ever educators in Carmel Clay can be amongst those responsible for seeing formerly famished American children actually weep for joy while at school.

Amy Anderson, one of the food service directors for the school district, said the first lady’s guidelines made her feel more like a “food cop” than an educator.  So much so that Ms. Anderson considered retiring early. Now that gives new meaning to “Let’s Move!” If Anderson takes the retirement plunge, Michelle Obama can then claim credit for using Brussels sprouts as an incentive for state workers to seek early retirement.

Nonetheless, another food service director for North White School Corp., Linda Wireman, explained that while Michelle Obama is free to chow down on things like ancho chile-braised bison short ribs, hominy grits, and wild mushroom sauté whenever she wants, her severe school lunch regulations are unrealistic and the kids hate them.

Michelle Obama-inspired menu choices require hungry children be served no more than “three-quarters of a cup of vegetables” – not a half cup, not a whole cup, but three-quarters of a cup.

Then, if those three-quarters of a cup of vegetables are something the children don’t like, which is the case three-quarters of the time, complaints follow, veggies are scraped into the garbage disposal, and kids spend the rest of the day with an empty stomach trying to concentrate on schoolwork.

Tippecanoe School Corp.’s food service director Lori Shofroth shared that in addition to having to endure starving, cranky kids, wasted food negatively affects the district’s budget. Although not accusing her directly, Shofroth intimated that the first lady’s plan teaches students that it’s “OK to throw away.”

In fact, so much food was discarded that a waste study involving three different schools showed that huge amounts of food including fruit, vegetables, and milk ended up in the trash bin.

Exercising the right to choose that Mrs. Obama and her husband are always blathering about, some students chose another route.  Instead of hitching a ride to the local abortion clinic in the school athletic van, and rather than endure the pain of three-quarters of a cup of lima beans, many Carmel Clay students skipped lunch completely.

The loss of lunch customers was so great that it resulted in a $300,000 decrease in funding for the school district.

Besides, the more determined students just wait it out until they leave school, and then “hop in their BMWs and go to McDonald’s.”

Amy Anderson maintains that just like Michelle Obama has been known to bop on over to the Shake Shack for a 1,700-calorie lunch whenever the mood strikes her, children in Carmel Clay, Indiana, “can stop at Panera and pick up a sandwich that meets none of [the] criteria” imposed by the bossy woman slurping on a 710-calorie Chocolate Shake.

Greek yogurt anyone?

GetEQUAL Ellen Saves America from Michelle Obama

imagesOriginally posted at Clash Daily

Under most circumstances, Michelle Obama supports lesbians. However, America’s first lady doesn’t put up with being heckled by anyone, even if the person doing the heckling is part of a protected class. After all, didn’t Shelly non-judgmentally demonstrate her support for lesbians when she danced it up with Ellen on the Ellen DeGeneres Show? The first lady is also pro-gay marriage and in almost every public address finds a way to introduce the standard liberal pro-gay slogan: “regardless of whom you love.”

One would think the gay community would view these efforts as commendable. Apparently that’s not the case because, after all of Michelle’s efforts, an ungrateful GetEQUAL activist, later identified by Heather Cronk, co-director of the LGBT rights group GetEQUAL as Ellen Sturtz, caused Mrs. Obama to lose her cool when she heckled her at a $10K per-person fundraiser held at a wealthy lesbian couple’s home in Washington DC.

Ms. Sturtz was riled over Barack’s failure to sign a promised executive order mandating that federal contractors stop discriminating against gays and lesbians. Forgetting all about homosexual etiquette, the first lady responded by publicly scolding Ms. Sturtz and in the process informing the world that when Michelle Obama speaks, you listen – or else!

Maybe Ms. Sturtz missed it, but Michelle commands undivided attention, and after issuing her diktats she demands follow-up obedience. So when Sturtz interrupted the first lady, rather than hear the protester out, Michelle O behaved like a spoiled child and threatened to abandon the festivities.

According to Amanda Terkel of the Huffington Post, a huffy Michelle, who apparently doesn’t realize that there are many, many things she doesn’t do well, responded to the jeering by saying, “One of the things I don’t do well is this.”

Terkel reported that Michelle came out from behind the lectern, “moved over to the protester,” which means she got up in the protester’s face, Chicago-style, and said “Listen to me or you can take the mic, but I’m leaving. You all decide. You have one choice … Do you understand?”

Whoa! Although the first lady did respect the coveted liberal right to choose, gone was her usual engaging charm and the unwavering compassion for the alleged oppressive bias LGBT people endure in the workplace. Now either the first lady ate something from the White House garden that didn’t agree with her, or maybe it was the Midol time of the month, but it caused Michelle Obama to expose her normally well-hidden talons.

Sturtz, who paid $500 to attend the function, claimed she was stunned by Obama’s response.  “She came right down in my face. I was taken aback.”

After accepting the first lady’s offer to take the mic, which GetEQUAL Ellen says seemed to agitate Michelle, the crowd “started shouting that they wanted FLOTUS to stay.” According to the pool report, after the edgy interaction Sturtz was promptly ushered out of the event while shouting something like “I’m a lesbian looking for federal equality before I die.”

Based on the way Mrs. Obama reacted to being challenged, another angry outburst like that and GetEQUAL Ellen’s death will become a reality that has nothing to do with a lack of federal equality.

During the exchange, Michelle exposed her inability to quickly compose herself. Consequently, the White House attempted to maintain the first lady’s reputation by omitting the girl-on-girl verbal smack-down from the event’s transcript on the White House website. Keeping up the charade is especially important in light of the scandals that are currently revealing that, try as they might to fake it, neither of the Obamas has an affinity for the First Amendment.

The truth is that the inability to accept criticism is not exclusive to Michelle and Barry. The Obamas are quintessential liberals, and liberals have an aversion to criticism like vampires have an aversion to sunlight.

Leftists like to promote themselves as being all daisies, Patchouli, love, hugs, and compassion – until you cross them. In front of 200 generally like-minded Democratic Party stalwarts when she rudely interrupted the first lady, Ellen Sturtz found that lesbian or not, any jugular in close proximity to a vexed liberal is in extreme danger of being savagely ripped open, in public, whether the mic is on or off.

All Ms. GetEQUAL Ellen was trying to point out was that President Obama failed to stay true to his 2008 campaign promise to issue an executive order forcing (which is something liberals love to do) federal contractors to stop discriminating against gay and transgendered job applicants.

In response to Sturtz’s rancorous protest, Mrs. Obama vigorously protested right back by forcing Ms. Sturtz to either shut up or be responsible for the ramifications of the first lady leaving a gathering attended by large numbers of adoring lesbians. Let’s just say, it could have gotten very ugly.

Mr. Obama also bristles at criticism, and from the looks of things has his own ways of convincing dissenters to shut up. If Barack Obama is among friends and everyone in the bleachers has their FORWARD t-shirts facing the camera and their Big Barack Obama Balloon Hats on straight, all is well. However, for those who cause problems, the president has creative ways to ensure silence.

Even Israeli Prime Minister Bibi Netanyahu knows that if a person doesn’t agree with Barack Obama, the president will throw a hissy fit, stomp off and abandon the discussion.

With that in mind, Ellen Sturtz may be responsible for exposing something a lot more important than the plight of LGBT federal workers. After the GetEQUAL activist’s outburst, America now knows that talking over the first lady is all it takes to get Michelle “Let’s Move” Obama to leave the stage and discontinue haranguing the nation. Hurray! With that in mind, it’s time for America to join GetEQUAL Ellen, grab the mic, turn up the volume, and refuse to be silenced!

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