Tag Archives: Jay Z

‘Jay and Bey’ Fete Barry

Originally posted at American Thinker blog

Forget the White House Honey Ale beer.  While cash-strapped Americans were attempting to squeeze two cups of tea out of one Lipton tea bag, Barack Obama was fundraising in a ritzy Manhattan nightclub that features an 18-foot tower of gold-bottled French champagne.

“It’s floor-to-ceiling gold bottles in the entire space. It’s beautiful – breathtaking,” a rep for the Flatiron District hot spot told The New York Post. “It’s the first thing you see when you walk in.”

That’s right — on behalf of your everyday middle-class American, Barack Obama was out stumping for dollars at hip-hop mogul Jay-Z and his diva wife Beyoncé’s 40/40 nightclub, which features “a custom-designed tower of $800-per-bottle champagne.”  Three hundred and fifty bottles of Armand de Brignac at $800 a bottle comes to a $280,000.  Allegedly, the “dazzling tower” was covered by a black drop cloth so the president could mock his wealthy competitor for being out of touch with Middle America without looking like a complete hypocrite.

Following a hard-hitting interview with David Letterman where Barry and Dave discussed pressing issues like the president’s weight and how good he looks and the misfortune of Obama never having seen the late-night comic in the buff, the president’s motorcade zipped over to a 200-person, $12,500-per-family Waldorf reception.  From there the entourage proceeded to the Flatiron District to raise money at a $40,000-per-person fundraising dinner with “Jay and Bey,” as Obama likes to affectionately call the power couple.

Once there, Barry thanked his former Situation Room guests for their friendship and acknowledged the similarities he shares with Jay-Z.  Taking a cue from David Letterman, Obama exercised his stand-up comedy routine, saying, “Jay-Z now knows, you know, what my life is like.  We both have daughters.  And our wives are more popular than we are.”

The president further addressed the crack dealer-turned-music magnate directly when he added, “So — you know.  So we’ve got a little bond there.  It’s hard, but it’s OK.”

In a red cocktail dress, the bodacious Beyoncé was also thanked by the president for being a role model to daughters Sasha and Malia.  Barack Obama must believe that gyrating around in your underwear, pole-dancing, and slithering along the ground in a leopard body suit are examples of “class … poise[,] and … talent,” because in the oh-so-very-talented Obama’s estimation, Beyoncé “[c]arries herself with such class and poise and has so much talent.”

Mrs. Shawn Corey Carter reciprocated with a compliment by telling the hundred or so multimillionaires that “I can’t tell you how proud we are to host tonight’s event with President Obama. … We believe in his vision.”  It would be interesting to hear Beyoncé share exactly what she understands that vision to be.

While Obama spoke, the tony crowd sat on plush couches munching on hamburger sliders and sipping champagne.  Some crowded the overhead balcony and listened as Obama talked about the “choice voters face this fall as they decide whether to give him a second term or elect Republican Mitt Romney. It is a choice, he said, that will determine the long-term direction of the country.”

The president said, “So, I don’t want people to be complacent, but I also don’t want people to be discouraged. We’re on the brink of an election, but more importantly, we’re on the brink of moving America in a direction where we’re going to be more just, more fair.”

We’re on the brink, all right.  As for the “fair” part — how fair is fair?  Are we on the verge of being so fair that all Americans will one day also be able to pay $40K for a teensy-weensy burger and some bubbly?

Either way, as unprecedented tornadic wind gusts and sideways rain beat against the side of the New York City nightclub, the Pharaoh — I mean Obama — promised the group that although the economy tanked during the last four years, he plans on doing exactly what he’s been doing, fully confident that “[t]he economy’s going to grow in a way that includes everybody.”

Wait — “the economy’s going to grow in a way that includes everybody?” If the $40,000 40/40 club group gave any thought to what including “everybody” could mean for them, after gagging on those cheeseburgers, Jay-Z, Beyoncé, and the donors would think twice before giving Barack Obama another turn at bat to level the playing field.

Nonetheless, in the shadow of the shrouded 18-foot champagne tower, the president declared that, despite his failed attempts at kowtowing to Islam, his being burned in effigy in India, and the ever-increasing anti-American sentiment in the Middle East, re-electing him guarantees an “America that’s respected around the world, because we’re putting forward our best values and our best ideals” — whatever that means.

And in the end, Barack Obama’s ninth New York campaign haul, give or take an $800 bottle of champagne or two, came to a paltry regular-Joe total of $6 million.

Michelle Obama and Beyonce Mutual Admiration Society

Originally posted at Breitbart’s BIG Holly

wood

In a scene similar to the 2012 Kid’s Choice Awards, Michelle Obama, her two daughters, and a posse of Secret Service agents took a 24-minute flight from Washington DC to Atlantic City to sit within arm’s length of the stage to see Beyoncé strut her post-baby stuff at the ritzy Revel Resorts.

From the get-go, Mr. and Mrs. Jay-Z have been big Barack Obama supporters. Beyoncé sang Etta James’ “At Last” for the couple’s first dance at the 2009 inaugural ball, and since then the President has even invited the gazillionaire rapper and his bodacious wife into the bowels of the intelligence management control center of the White House.

After making a “Let’s Move” video for Michelle and designing “Runway to Win” t-shirts for Obama’s 2012 campaign, feeling the love and on a first-name basis with “Michelle,” Beyoncé recently felt moved to write a spontaneous open letter to Mrs. Obama, who she called “the ultimate example of a strong African American woman.” Michelle responded by admitting to People magazine that, “Gosh, if I had some gift, I’d be Beyoncé. I’d be some great singer.”

Besides slighting Oprah Winfrey, the ongoing rush of reciprocal appreciation between the two couples gives new meaning to the words of Beyoncé’s hit song “Love on Top,” which says “You’re the one I can always call. When I need you make everything stop. Finally you put my love on top.”

To keep the non-stop love volley going, Michelle followed up the People interview by deciding to leave Barack home and jet off to Atlantic City to support her idol Beyoncé at the glamorous chanteuse’s first concert since giving birth to six-month-old Ivy Blue back in January. Michelle Obama, outfitted in a shiny green dress, entered Ovation Hall and “made her way to her seat,” greeted with a “roaring cheer” matched only by the crowd’s affection for the star of the show.

In response to the first lady being in the audience, someone yelled out, “This is history!”  It certainly is – Michelle Obama is the first- First Lady ever to refer to a 30-year-old pop singer with a “modern showgirl look” as someone she looks up to.

Mrs. Obama surely wasn’t disappointed, because the concert was an over-the-top Beyoncé-fest featuring large screens showing close-ups of the diva’s various body parts. In fact, Michelle probably felt right at home, because Beyoncé’s “Single Ladies” Jumbotron narcissism is rivaled only by the narcissist Michelle Obama lives with. The only difference is that Beyoncé actually has some talent.

According to reports, Michelle, Sasha and Malia appeared excited throughout the performance and even sang along with 5,500 screaming fans while the energetic Beyoncé flung her sopping wet locks all over the stage.

Mrs. Jay-Z wowed the crowd in a get-up that sported 500,000 Swarovski crystals and shoes that matched her hot pink fingernails. Those half-million crystals come to 91 for every person in attendance, with a few extra for Governor Chris Christie, who was reported to be somewhere in the crowd. In dollars and cents, just one of Beyoncé’s show costumes would probably pay the salaries of quite a few unemployed 99%-ers.

During the show, the “bootylicious” Beyoncé sang songs that seemed purposely chosen with the President and First Lady in mind. For example, she opened the night with the upbeat tune “End of Time” which, thanks to Barack Obama, many Americans are convinced they’re living through. Then she belted out a “Let’s Move”-ish tune, “Get Me Bodied,” after which she paid homage to Barack and Michelle’s first-and-hopefully-only-term accomplishment with the song “Party.”

During her 24-song performance the superstar honored the late Whitney Houston with “I Will Always Love You” and gave a “shout-out” to recently deceased/politically-incorrect conservative/Christian Donna Summer while singing a song called “Naughty Girl.” Always the creative entertainer, Beyoncé even managed to unintentionally affirm Obama’s most recent public evolution when she sang her hit song, “If I Were a Boy.”

The shapely singer/dancer admitted that she’d had 60 post-partum pounds to lose, saying, “Y’all don’t know how hard I had to work…they had me on the treadmill, eating lettuce.”  While Beyoncé didn’t choose to reveal who “they” were, her humble confession probably did America’s First Hula-Hooping/salad-eating Lady proud.

Beyoncé closed the glitzy one-woman extravaganza by wishing the audience well. In fact, in a roundabout way she even managed to slip in some support for her BFF’s husband’s “share the wealth” tax policy when she said, “I hope y’all win a lot of money tonight.” Beyoncé’s parting comment was met with yet another enthusiastic round of applause from an adoring Atlantic City crowd who apparently didn’t realize what they were clapping for – or did realize – but were more than willing to fork over half those potential winnings in taxes.

Obama Fundraiser: Fashion’s One-Percenters Sell Overpriced Garb to Fellow One-Percenters

Originally posted at BIG Hollywood

Just like four years ago, another group of legendary Obama 1 percent supporters have stepped forward to lend a creative hand to help the President raise money for his 2012 bid for reelection. Last time around it was “Runway to Change.” This time the design-for-Obama group effort has been dubbed “Runway to Win.”

Anna Wintour, the Vogue editor that hosted Obama’s supporters in her New York townhouse and who recently co-hosted a $35,000 per person fundraiser at Hollywood movie mogul Harvey Weinstein’s home, is heading up the venture. In the past, Wintour’s tony political functions were attended by the likes of Alicia Keys and $70,000 dinner power couple Coldplay singer Chris Martin and his actress wife, the “suddenly everywhere” Miramax “muse,” Gwyneth Paltrow.

So with Wintour now raising reelection funds, you can just forget the $5 raffle tickets for a hot dog dinner with Barry and Shelley. Instead, the campaign will be hawking designer duds to people who, last time around, were in such dire straits they hoped the new president would fill their gas tank and pay their mortgage.

For her latest effort, Anna Wintour has recruited Hollywood notables, designers, pop and hip-hop artists, and other all-around really rich people to raise money for Barack 2012 by designing overpriced T-shirts, tank tops, scarves, wristlets, and bags to sell at inflated prices to people who, in the midst of an Obama recession, really can’t afford them.

Thus, “Runway to Win” is yet another example that Barack Obama and his helpful circle of elite Hollywood friends and Seventh Avenue designer devotees are all pretty much insulated from reality, out of touch, and oblivious to the plight of the common man.

Recently, in order to make a point that a $40 tax cut is needed in order to feed starving American families, Obama asked the question: “What does $40 Mean to You?” Most Americans were probably thinking warehouse club paper towels and lunch for two at Taco Bell, not $45 T-shirts.

Unlike them, Obama was thinking T-shirts!  Apparently, the budget-minded President is comfortable with Mrs. Jay-Z, barely off the delivery table and out of the special maternity suite with the 10-man security team at Lenox Hill Hospital, designing cotton tee jerseys for impoverished Americans.

Beyonce’s creation stands to pull down a hefty profit for merchandise that’s actually worth no more than $5. For 45 bucks, clotheshorses all along the “Flaws and All” campaign trail, instead of buying groceries, will have a chance to wear a cheap quality “Yes we can… Greater Together” T-shirt.

New mom Beyonce is only one of many slobbering Obama supporters who will be joining forces to produce a trendsetting Barack Obama clothing line for 2012.

Thanks to all the participants, Obama for America supporters will have an opportunity to parade around with an Obama-logo tote bag while wearing clothing that shouts to the world that just because a person’s been unemployed for more than three years doesn’t mean they don’t want to contribute to four more years of watching Michelle Obama wear $2,000 sundresses.

For most Americans, splurging means shopping at Target. In the meantime, while the 99% eat Spaghetti-Os for dinner, the “Runway to Win” list of designers reads like a Who’s Who of attendees at White House Wednesday-night Kobe-beef Conga/cocktail parties.  The list is a couture catalog of who dresses Mrs. Obama in outfits whose one-year cost, when totaled, tallies to an amount that could save 1.2 million American homes from being foreclosed.

Some of the 22 designers participating in the effort are: Russell Simmons, billionaire business magnate of Def Jam fame; Sean “Diddy” Combs, another billionaire, rapper, and record producer who’s also recognizable by the names Sean John Combs, Puff Daddy, and P. Diddy; and even Tory Burch, the designer of the $500 boots Michelle wore to turn over the White House lawn when instructing Americans on the money-saving benefits of planting an at-home organic vegetable garden.

Many of Michelle Obama’s highbrow clothes designers will also be contributing to the effort: Narciso Rodriguez, Jason Wu, Alexander Wang, Joseph Altuzarra, Rag and Bone, Rachel Roy and Tracy Reese.

For those wanting a “first access pass,” on the tongue-in-cheek “Proudly made in America” campaign blog is the following announcement:

We’re launching something new, and a little different, over the next few weeks: Runway to Win, a collaboration by some of the country’s top fashion designers in support of Obama 2012. In the coming weeks, we’ll be rolling out Obama-inspired designs by everyone from Tracy Reese to Jason Wu to Tory Burch at runwaytowin.com. The details are still under wraps, but sign up for your First Access pass to get updates—and a first look at the new designs. Then invite your friends and family to do the same.

The truth is, any designer invested in Obama winning another term is probably secretly hoping their names will continue to be printed on the tags of what fills Mrs. Obama’s sartorially-stuffed clothes closet.

On the other hand, previous Obama supporters like Donna Karan, who participated in 2008, decided this year their idea of change would be to put Republican customers and capitalism first. Apparently, some decided to bow out because maintaining a customer base means more to them than being introduced by Scarlett Johansson at an Obama 2012 fashion show/fund raiser.

So, while Americans continue to suffer, big-name fashion designers and a diverse group of entrepreneurs like ‘Let’s Move’-Beyonce will be directly involved in “Runway to Win.” And yet, aside from the all the glitter and glamour, in light of 2008’s “Runway to Change,” the whole thing is really a bit scary. Why? Because if “change” is any indication of what four years of “winning” will be like, instead of walking the runway, if Mr. Fashionista manages to win a second term, America will more likely be walking the plank.

A Jackass Messes Up

boulders-beach-jackass-penguins-cape-town_0809_gettyimages_largeIn an unprecedented prime time event Kanye West, together with Barak Obama, will be appearing on Jay Leno’s new program in a segment called the Rapster and the Shyster. Kanye will provide a hip-hop backdrop while Barry raps out his non-coherent plan for health care reform.

The President and Kanye, a huge supporter of Obama, have been old friends from way before the election.  Obama met several times with the star to address the problem of bubbly, blond, White, teenage girls receiving undeserved MTV Music Awards, all of which should be going exclusively and hence forth to Jay Z’s wife Beyonce.

I’ve met with Jay-Z; I’ve met with Kanye. And I’ve talked to other artists about how potentially to bridge that gap. I think the potential for them to deliver a message of extraordinary power that gets people thinking (is massive),Obama told Jeff Johnson during BET‘s political special What’s In It For Us?

Before the prime time performance Obama will also be taking some time to explain to Jay Leno how his “jackass” comment was taken out of context and the disturbing racial undertones connected with the public’s response to how an aggressive Taylor Swift treated his misunderstood comrade, Kanye.

Prior to the taping, over a power lunch early in the day, Obama explained to personal friends and advisers Reverend Jeremiah Wright, Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson, Sheila Jackson Lee and newly ordained racial activist Jimmy Carter the true story surrounding the “jackass.” Obama felt it his duty as  racial healer to meet with a coalition of politicians and spiritual counselors who were concerned about how Kanye was treated by known racist, Taylor Swift who, by the way, wrote the racially insensitive song, White Horses.  Obama clarified to the group that his statement was cut off before he could finish speaking about the Taylor Swift-Kanye West incident.  He said, “I got as far as…he’s a jackass and the tape cut off!

Obama went on to explain that he did not call Kanye a “Jackass” and that Terry Moran implying he did was typical racist behavior on the part of a White journalist, which was met with a hearty “Amen” by all in attendance. Barack took the occasion to make clear to those attending the impromptu Sharing While Supping Racial Sensitivity Luncheon that he has spent the last two days discussing the incident with Kanye and can’t wait to make the truth “perfectly clear” to America.

Obama explained that Kanye’s behavior was clearly connected to his benevolent animal activism and in defense of Jackasses “Yes,” but Jackass….Penguins! Sheila Jackson Lee, clapping her hands together in glee and removing her tangerine Pashima from the pot bush stew said, “You mean the penguin part never made it to the tape?”  Obama, nodding back to Congresswoman Lee replied in Afrikaans, “Ja!” The President continued, “Apparently  I said, ‘He’s a Jackass’ before I got the opportunity  to  go on with with, ‘Penguin representative’  the tape cut off prematurely making my statement appear to be something that it was not.” This revelation was met with a group, “Ahhhhh.”

Obama told his rapt audience that Kanye West is a Jackass Penguin representative.  Kanye works on behalf of Jackass Penguins or African Penguins the only nesting penguins found on the African continent, a little known fact that evoked a sigh of relief to those dining with Obama.   Barack announced that they are the first to know that Kanye West will be officially appointed by Jackass International, to the position of official Sphenicus demersis spokesperson.

All of them were proud as could be to find out that Africa actually had its own penguin and discussed how all penguins probably originated in Africa and maybe Kanye, as a spokesperson, could bring that fact to light giving Jackass Penguins the credit they deserve.   The President said that the Jackass Penguin could be the vehicle to  stem the racial divide as a sensitive black and white  diverse penguin, appealing to every race as well as bi-racial individuals like himself.

The President, advocating for Kanye, told his circle of confidantes that his good friend literally spent the weeks prior to the awards ceremony in the warmer latitudes on islands offshore between Namibia and Port Elizabeth South Africa and was disoriented and was merely in need of libation to rehydrate.  They all agreed, with a chuckle, that Kanye West is the perfect person to represent the Jackass Penguin because just like Jackass Penguins he has been known to lay two or three eggs at a time too!  Something the President candidly admitted he could easily relate to.

Obama went on to enlighten his listeners that Jackass Penguins make their nests in hardened guano same as their spokesperson who has found himself in some deep doo-doo on more than one occasion, a knee-high experience Obama also shares with compadre Kanye.  In addition, the most inexperienced President in American history shared that Jackass Penguins have a low percentage of reaching maturity because only 40% of them ever do and who better than Barack Obama or Kanye West to represent immaturity?

Interrupted by a bustling, running over schedule Jay Leno camera crew, the President was being beckoned to by Valerie Jarrett waving from across the dining room.  Waving back to Valerie and wiping his mouth with BO’s In the House embroidered napkins and in an “I’m outta here” kind of way Barry slapped the table with two fingers and pushed away. Standing and hovering over them he shared with his guests’ one more interesting tid-bit about the Jackass that is also evocative of both Kanye and himself and that is that,“Jackass Penguins communicate by squawking and braying like a jackass and thus the name.

Obama then said he had to run because after taping for Leno he was heading back to the Oval Office to review the text of his next speech on the teleprompter.  The communiqué would be written by his newly appointed  personal speech writer Van Jones and in honor of all misunderstood jackasses from South African Penguins to Kanye West to the East Wing of the White House–where methods of communication, whether at the MTV Music Video Awards or to a Joint Session of Congress reveal asses wherever and whoever they may be

[This is Parody]

%d bloggers like this: