Tag Archives: Jay Leno

Is John Boehner ‘A Man Taking a Walk?’

John Boehner

Originally posted at American Thinker

Newfound understanding as to why America is in the dire straits it’s in was gained when Speaker of the House John Boehner (‘Beener,’ ‘Bonner,’ ‘Boner’) Boehner (pronounced BAY-ner) finally appeared on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno.

The guy with the perpetual cottonmouth took to Jay’s couch to spout off on people like Chris Christie, Jeb Bush, and Vladimir Putin.  But the real revelations came when Boehner explained why he refuses to do anything to counterbalance Obama!

It started when Jay Leno leaned in and asked the Speaker, “Ever think of running for president?”

“No!” Boehner shot back.

Then came the big reveal, the peek into what Barack Obama has on Mr. Boehner that keeps John on the president’s good side.

Boehner said this: “Listen, I like to play golf, I like to cut my own grass, I do drink red wine, I smoke cigarettes–and I’m not giving that up to be president of the United States.”


Whoa Nellie!  You mean that’s all it takes to get 64-year-old Boehner to sell out America to tyranny – a golf cart, a riding mower, a case of Ripple, and a few cartons of Marlboros?

Boehner also explained that his “orange” tan was simply the result of spending time outdoors. Bike-riding Boehner, one of 12 children, said, “My mother’s dark-complected so I’m a little dark. No tanning beds. No spray or anything. Not ever! Not once ever!”

Sorry John, we don’t buy it.  You either eat too many carrots, overdose on beta carotene, or you’re dipping into the Coppertone, which means Obama the dealer may be funneling a membership to a tanning salon your way.

When Jay asked Boehner if he’d ever met Putin, “No!” he barked back, “And I don’t want to meet him. I think he’s a thug, and I think he’s treated his neighbors in a disrespectful way and, frankly, I think the president ought to stand up to him.”


Huh?  Putin’s a thug and the president should stand up to him?

The president is a thug too, John.  However, if the guy in the mom jeans attempted to stand up to Putin (who swims in the freezing Siberian Lake Baikal), the Russian president would say “Boo” and make him cry like a little girl.  As for Putin’s neighbors, Obama’s the one who said “Nyet” to missile defense in Poland.

Boehner called indicted whistleblower Edward Snowden “a traitor to the country,” but didn’t think to mention Benghazi, Fast & Furious, or the IRS.

On the NSA spying scandal, Boehner matter-of-factly advised, “Let’s just get over it. It’s been going on for thousands of years,” which means the last bottle of red wine Obama sent over must have been a fine vintage indeed.

As for the anti-Constitutional ACA fiasco, John Boehner reminded America, “It’s the law!”

Asked about the government shutdown over defunding Obamacare, the Speaker admitted that it was “tactically not the right way to do it.”  On the tactic-driven Tea Party members of Congress and the GOP infighting, “it’s bad,” he said.

Mr. Boehner explained that he had accepted Leno’s invitation because in two weeks Jimmy Fallon takes over, and “I thought I ought to get here before it’s too late,” to which Jay replied, “I was gonna say the same thing for you!”

Speaking of “too late,” maybe the Speaker should pay more attention to getting done what needs to be done in Washington DC “before it’s too late,” and less time golfing and scooting around the lawn on the John Deere with a cig dangling from his lips, drinking red wine out of a red plastic cup.

The Speaker revealed a lot about himself when he said, “you learn that a leader without followers is simply a man taking a walk.” Here’s a suggestion from a disappointed group of Americans who depended on you to represent our concerns: Walk on, Mr. Speaker, walk on!

Obama’s Choom Gang Tour of the Gulf Ports

enhancedbuzz10964133711-300x227Originally posted at The Black Sphere

The level of criticism being leveled against Barack Obama because of his alleged gaffe concerning his geographic ineptitude concerning the Gulf Ports is unfounded.

In one sense, it could be that our president has bigger fish to fry than mastering a geography lesson.  However, what is more likely is, that in light of Barack Obama’s level of vision and super human intelligence, it is possible that he understands and see things that mere mortals do not see nor comprehend.

The source of the most recent snickering is rooted in the president’s casual banter while on the Jay Leno late night talk show.  After discussing his stray grays, his singlehandedly crushing al Qaeda, his obedience to Michelle, as well as casting aspersions toward super spy G.W. Bush and homophobe Vladimir Putin, the conversation ambled over to the economy and infrastructure.

While there, Leno mentioned that he lives in a town where the bridge is falling apart and isn’t safe when he tools around town in his antique automobile.

In response to Leno’s complaints, the president said: “I don’t know.  As you know, for the last three years, I’ve said, let’s work together.”  Obama would fix Leno’s bridge but, unfortunately it will remain in disrepair because, although he just canceled a conciliatory one-on-one discussion with Vladimir Putin, Bipartisan Barry just can’t find anyone to cooperate with him.

Betwixt lighthearted chuckles and affectionate chitchat, Obama told Leno, “Let’s find a financing mechanism [that’s a fancy term for taxes], and let’s go ahead and fix our bridges, fix our roads, sewer systems, our ports.”

In other words, let’s stimulate more shovel ready jobs that four years after the first stimulus are still not shovel ready.

Moving right along, the President endeavored to enlarge the understanding of inexperienced Americans when he revealed that he and his Choom gang traveled in that rolling Choomwagon to places the rest of America didn’t even know existed.

The president told a spellbound Jay Leno:  “The Panama is being widened so that these big supertankers can come in.  Now, that will be finished in 2015.”  Thus far, pretty good. Then the president said:

If we don’t deepen our ports all along the Gulf — places like Charleston, South Carolina, or Savannah, Georgia, or Jacksonville, Florida — if we don’t do that, those ships are going to go someplace else.  And we’ll lose jobs.  Businesses won’t locate here.

Dear Lord, we don’t want those supertankers heading for Charleston, Savannah, and Jacksonville to go somewhere besides the Gulf of Mexico because of constricted ports.  Neither do we want businesses relocating, nor the loss of any additional jobs. Therefore, it’s best to get to work deepening those three ports.

Remember Sarah Palin’s revelation to ABC’s Charlie Gibson that Russia was Alaska’s next-door neighbor, and that from an island in Alaska you could see Russia?

Saturday Night Live comedian Tina Fey had a ball implying that, as evidenced by her geographical illiteracy, Sarah Palin was intellectually-challenged.

Yet, in retrospect, Sarah’s comment certainly gives credibility to Barack Obama hinting that while on his famous “57 states” Choomwagon tour of the United States, he actually perused the narrow gulf ports of Charleston, Savannah and Jacksonville.

A Jackass Messes Up

boulders-beach-jackass-penguins-cape-town_0809_gettyimages_largeIn an unprecedented prime time event Kanye West, together with Barak Obama, will be appearing on Jay Leno’s new program in a segment called the Rapster and the Shyster. Kanye will provide a hip-hop backdrop while Barry raps out his non-coherent plan for health care reform.

The President and Kanye, a huge supporter of Obama, have been old friends from way before the election.  Obama met several times with the star to address the problem of bubbly, blond, White, teenage girls receiving undeserved MTV Music Awards, all of which should be going exclusively and hence forth to Jay Z’s wife Beyonce.

I’ve met with Jay-Z; I’ve met with Kanye. And I’ve talked to other artists about how potentially to bridge that gap. I think the potential for them to deliver a message of extraordinary power that gets people thinking (is massive),Obama told Jeff Johnson during BET‘s political special What’s In It For Us?

Before the prime time performance Obama will also be taking some time to explain to Jay Leno how his “jackass” comment was taken out of context and the disturbing racial undertones connected with the public’s response to how an aggressive Taylor Swift treated his misunderstood comrade, Kanye.

Prior to the taping, over a power lunch early in the day, Obama explained to personal friends and advisers Reverend Jeremiah Wright, Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson, Sheila Jackson Lee and newly ordained racial activist Jimmy Carter the true story surrounding the “jackass.” Obama felt it his duty as  racial healer to meet with a coalition of politicians and spiritual counselors who were concerned about how Kanye was treated by known racist, Taylor Swift who, by the way, wrote the racially insensitive song, White Horses.  Obama clarified to the group that his statement was cut off before he could finish speaking about the Taylor Swift-Kanye West incident.  He said, “I got as far as…he’s a jackass and the tape cut off!

Obama went on to explain that he did not call Kanye a “Jackass” and that Terry Moran implying he did was typical racist behavior on the part of a White journalist, which was met with a hearty “Amen” by all in attendance. Barack took the occasion to make clear to those attending the impromptu Sharing While Supping Racial Sensitivity Luncheon that he has spent the last two days discussing the incident with Kanye and can’t wait to make the truth “perfectly clear” to America.

Obama explained that Kanye’s behavior was clearly connected to his benevolent animal activism and in defense of Jackasses “Yes,” but Jackass….Penguins! Sheila Jackson Lee, clapping her hands together in glee and removing her tangerine Pashima from the pot bush stew said, “You mean the penguin part never made it to the tape?”  Obama, nodding back to Congresswoman Lee replied in Afrikaans, “Ja!” The President continued, “Apparently  I said, ‘He’s a Jackass’ before I got the opportunity  to  go on with with, ‘Penguin representative’  the tape cut off prematurely making my statement appear to be something that it was not.” This revelation was met with a group, “Ahhhhh.”

Obama told his rapt audience that Kanye West is a Jackass Penguin representative.  Kanye works on behalf of Jackass Penguins or African Penguins the only nesting penguins found on the African continent, a little known fact that evoked a sigh of relief to those dining with Obama.   Barack announced that they are the first to know that Kanye West will be officially appointed by Jackass International, to the position of official Sphenicus demersis spokesperson.

All of them were proud as could be to find out that Africa actually had its own penguin and discussed how all penguins probably originated in Africa and maybe Kanye, as a spokesperson, could bring that fact to light giving Jackass Penguins the credit they deserve.   The President said that the Jackass Penguin could be the vehicle to  stem the racial divide as a sensitive black and white  diverse penguin, appealing to every race as well as bi-racial individuals like himself.

The President, advocating for Kanye, told his circle of confidantes that his good friend literally spent the weeks prior to the awards ceremony in the warmer latitudes on islands offshore between Namibia and Port Elizabeth South Africa and was disoriented and was merely in need of libation to rehydrate.  They all agreed, with a chuckle, that Kanye West is the perfect person to represent the Jackass Penguin because just like Jackass Penguins he has been known to lay two or three eggs at a time too!  Something the President candidly admitted he could easily relate to.

Obama went on to enlighten his listeners that Jackass Penguins make their nests in hardened guano same as their spokesperson who has found himself in some deep doo-doo on more than one occasion, a knee-high experience Obama also shares with compadre Kanye.  In addition, the most inexperienced President in American history shared that Jackass Penguins have a low percentage of reaching maturity because only 40% of them ever do and who better than Barack Obama or Kanye West to represent immaturity?

Interrupted by a bustling, running over schedule Jay Leno camera crew, the President was being beckoned to by Valerie Jarrett waving from across the dining room.  Waving back to Valerie and wiping his mouth with BO’s In the House embroidered napkins and in an “I’m outta here” kind of way Barry slapped the table with two fingers and pushed away. Standing and hovering over them he shared with his guests’ one more interesting tid-bit about the Jackass that is also evocative of both Kanye and himself and that is that,“Jackass Penguins communicate by squawking and braying like a jackass and thus the name.”

Obama then said he had to run because after taping for Leno he was heading back to the Oval Office to review the text of his next speech on the teleprompter.  The communiqué would be written by his newly appointed  personal speech writer Van Jones and in honor of all misunderstood jackasses from South African Penguins to Kanye West to the East Wing of the White House–where methods of communication, whether at the MTV Music Video Awards or to a Joint Session of Congress reveal asses wherever and whoever they may be

[This is Parody]

%d bloggers like this: