Huma Abedin, aka Mrs. Anthony Weiner, has dropped off the map for a few days.
Apparently Huma, embarrassed wife of the seriously disturbed New York congressman, has been squirreled away somewhere seeking marriage counseling from mother Hillary.
Could it be that the distraught Mrs. Weiner hasn’t changed out of sweatpants and flip-flops for days, while trying to makes sense of how “Tony-the-Twitter Tiger” could humiliate her this way?
Hillary, a pro at dealing with betrayal issues, has agreed to take a few days out of her busy schedule to selflessly dedicate herself to helping her personal assistant deal with the pain of rejection, humiliation, disappointment and the shock of seeing pictures of her husband’s manhood plastered all over the Internet.
Putting it all into perspective, it’s probable Hillary counseled Huma that when weighing fidelity against political power – political power wins every time!
Chances are Madame Secretary has been coaching Weiner’s woman and explaining to her that riding through this type of trial is kind of like surfing a big wave in Hawaii weighed down by a polyester pants suit. It’s a tad shaky at first, but once you get your footing, its smooth sailing all the way through to a Haiti Relief Fund appointment for hubby and a high-level Cabinet position in a Democratic administration for wifey.
In between weepy hug sessions, to help Mrs. Weiner rebuild self-esteem, Hillary could have shared pointers such as repeating tried-and-true Stuart Smalley affirmations like: “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough and doggone it people like me.”
Minnesota Senator Al Franken aside, it’s highly probable that after emptying the wastebasket of 4 or 5 boxes of Kleenex, and liberally applying a gallon of Vaseline to Huma’s red, peeled nose, Hillary knew that if her assistant was going to be there to tell her never to put that ridiculous banana clip in her hair again, it was time to pull out the big guns.
Based on Hillary’s “Stand by Your Man” history the former first lady may have uncovered a secret weapon residing inside a wig box and on a sachet-scented hanger tucked within the dark recesses of her Chappaqua closet. A weapon so powerful it may hold the key to getting Huma out of those sweat pants and back into a power suit.
Over the years, due to compulsive Slick Willy’s unmentionable relapses Hillary has maintained her steely composure, drawing strength from an unknown source, not once, but many times over. Nobody knows for certain, but Hillary may have carefully laid her treasure on the bed and told Huma she was about to be let in on something more confidential than the nuclear codes President Clinton lost while in office.
With that in mind, it’s not hard to imagine, Hillary reverently opening a circular box, carefully taking out a blond, 1960’s ash blonde wig and, like a crown, placing it on Huma’s raven colored head. Or, picturing the former first lady unzipping a garment bag, shaking out a pinkish/orangish sequined/tight-fitting sheath, and asking Huma to scurry off and shimmy into it.
It’s also easy to see Huma emerging from the bathroom, dressed in Hillary’s outfit, looking more relaxed, and despite her Saudi American heritage, strangely similar to country singer Tammy Wynette.
At that point, it’s not impossible to believe Hillary reassured Huma that she learned the hard way that when a powerful woman is forced to endure a husband whose hobby, rather than Bocce ball, is marital infidelity peace does not come by way of prayer, divorce proceedings, or from blaming Republicans for a cigar-smoking husband’s philandering ways, but from heading downstairs to the porch and quietly singing a song that holds clear directives for the future.
A song whose words, may remind Hillary of her innate ability to overlook Bill’s raunchy antics, of how much she loves the old slime ball, and how desperately a woman can desire the title: ” Leader of the Free World” not be tainted by perceptions of a womanly lack of forgiveness.
And so, in an effort to make short work of a long week, Huma in a humongous blonde wig and a glittery sequined dress may have also headed toward Hillary’s lonely porch and competed only with evening and the crickets given Mrs. Clinton’s 30-year long spurned woman ritual a Hillary-endorsed, “Stand by Your Man”-Mrs. Weiner whirl.