Tag Archives: “Forward”

In Case You Didn’t Realize It: Barack Obama, the Non-Ideological Ideologue

BarackOriginally posted at Clash Daily

Taking the weekend off from the Obamacare disaster, Barack Obama jetted westward aboard Air Force One to beg for money and push for support for immigration reform in the blue states of Washington and California. Stopping off in Seattle, attempting to portray himself as reasonable, Obama said that he is “not a particularly ideological person.”

Sorry, but Barack Obama perceiving himself as non-ideological is like Alec Baldwin believing he’s “not a particularly aggressive person” or Lady Gaga swearing that she only wears sensible shoes.

But then again, maybe the president just doesn’t see himself as being all that sociopolitical. It could be that Barack Obama considers being in favor of big government, massive spending, socialized healthcare, unrestricted abortion, illegal invasion, as well as being non-patriotic and secular all tempered points of view.

While manipulating his Seattle supporters, the president blamed national dissatisfaction, otherwise known as his 37% approval rating, on the NSA spying scandal, gun violence, and ongoing upheaval in the Middle East, none of which he assumes any liability for.

As for the myriad of mishaps that everyone knows he’s responsible for, nary a word.

For example, Obama chose not to talk about his Obamacare lies, the abysmal health insurance marketplace, the website security breaches, and certainly not the five million people, some of whom are gravely ill, who will be canceled from individual insurance plans as of the first of the year.

While on the moneymaking junket, America’s “historic” president also chose not to mention the “historic mistake” his administration just made concerning pre-nuclear Iran. Nor did he broach touchy subjects like the national debt, “Fast and Furious”, the IRS, unemployment figures, or the suspicion that the White House was in cahoots with the Census Bureau, which allegedly “fudged” the job numbers just prior to the 2012 election.

Instead, Obama kept the fundraiser upbeat by steering clear of the 30 million illegals he hopes to beckon out of the shadows, his out-of-control spending, his administration’s lack of transparency, government overreach, or how progressiveness run amok impacts ballooning entitlement programs.

According to Mr. Moderate, the only reason things are not going well right now is because that vexatious House of Representatives insists on obstructing his noble vision to “fundamentally transform” America.

Barack did let on that his dream come true would be for the ideological Republicans to be sent packing, and for the Democrats to regain control of Congress. If such a fantasy should come to pass, Obama believes his self-described pragmatic approach to politics could finally be used to move the nation FORWARD.

If the president had his way, Democrat control of all three branches of government would bring with it the much-needed unanimity he claims the American people long for.

Moreover, one-party rule could pave the way for the socialist-style, non-ideological future Barack Obama envisions. Once and for all, the bane of a contentious three-headed government would be exorcised and Obama could finally institute non-ideological dominion over 300 million people, give or take 14 or 15 million.

So it’s very likely that while Obama is out trawling for cash, on behalf of the common good, the Democrats will spend the better part of next year conjuring a way to finagle a win in the 2014 midterms. That way, their Democrat president will have stripped away all opposition, and have a broad consensus among liberals.

Finally, starting with the 22nd Amendment, the hindrances posed by the pesky U.S. Constitution could also be stripped away, clearing the path for Barack Obama, America’s non-ideological president, to single-handedly create and enforce every law and enact every decree.

Beyoncé Loses Hair Extensions in Brush with Fan

BeyonceOriginally posted at BIG Hollywood

Situation Room visitor, White House frequenter, and object of Michelle Obama idolatry Queen Bey/Beyoncé/Mrs. Carter of the Mrs. Carter Show Tour got her coif caught in a fan.  Not a fan-fan like a stage fan, but one of those used to blow around J. Lo’s or Beyoncé’s flowing locks in order to make them look like they’re able to maintain the glamour edge in the midst of a 100 mph hurricane gale.

Reminiscent of the late Michael Jackson’s hair catching fire during the taping of a Pepsi commercial, Beyoncé, Pepsi’s newest spokesperson, had her hair entangled in the fan blades mid-song while she was performing her hit Halo. Bey should be thanking God that she wasn’t wearing that anatomically correct outfit that she dons during the concert because there might have been something besides her hair that needed to be cut loose.

Fresh off joining another guy known for his famous hair, the Rev. Al Sharpton, at the ‘Justice 4 Trayvon’ rally at One Penn Plaza in New York City, Beyoncé was in Montreal when the calamitous fan attack occurred.

Ever the consummate professional, she continued to sing while her hair was stuck in the fan, proving to America that having the constrictive presence of President Barack Obama twisting us into contorted positions is not a good reason to use pain as an excuse to stop moving FORWARD.

As Beyoncé tried in vain to release her tresses from the grip of the overzealous machine, an attentive servant, er, crew member grabbed a pair of scissors and cut Beyoncé’s Virgin Remy Malaysian hair extensions from the blades. To be truthful, the fan was just minding its own business when it was accosted by Queen Bey’s lion’s mane and then falsely accused of tangling up the pop star’s blonde mop in its whirling blades.

After the show, famous letter-writer Beyoncé posted an expressive explanation in longhand for her audience to read, explaining that during the song when she sang “Halo, ooh ooh, oh,” the wince on her face had nothing to do with the “…ooh ooh, oh” part and everything to do with having her extensions nearly torn from her scalp while attempting to look ultra-cool at Montreal’s Bell Center.

Displaying a creative mix of upper and lower case lettering as well as an overabundance of the letter “i,” the paraphrase of the song Halo read:  “Gravity can’t begiiiiiiiin to pull me out of the fan again.  I felt my hair was YANKIIIIIIIIN, from the fan that’s always hatiiiiiiiin, Virgin Remy & “Malay SIIIIIIAAAAAAN, HAAAAAAAAA!!”

Beyoncé summed up the note by saying: “I got snatched…‘2 snaps’” and ended with “Goodnight All, B.”

Lesson to be gleaned from the weave assault? In the future, Beyoncé should attempt to keep all hair extension-flicking to an absolute minimum, especially when sitting in front of a fan. However, in the worst case scenario, if it’s so important to have a wind machine in close proximity for effect while singing Halo, maybe Beyoncé should consider a hairdo like the one she wore in Cuba, or perhaps a protective Halo Helmet to go with that golden-breasted spacesuit she insists on wearing.

It’s Time to Tow the SS ObamAmerica into Port

628x471-300x199Then, some 150 miles off Mexico’s Yucatan peninsula, there was a fire in the engine room and that’s when everything went south.  With no power to the engines and severely compromised water and plumbing systems, the Triumph drifted for five days as the fun-filled cruise to “Funville” turned into a sewage-filled trip to “Sewerville.”

With no running water, no toilet facilities, and a scarcity of edible provisions, the stench of human waste and rotting food sickened many of the passengers. After five days, the upper deck of the ocean liner looked more like ‘Occupy Triumph’ than a sunny Carnival cruise.  To escape the urine- and feces-soaked rooms and hallways, passengers left the ‘poop deck,’ built tents on the upper deck, and relieved themselves in red “poo-poo bags” which crew members dutifully collected.

 

Read the rest of the article at The Blacksphere.net

Bye-Bye, Fried Twinkies

Originally posted at American Thinker blog

In a “shared little-known facts about herself” interview, which revealed that besides sleeping with her dog when the President is out of town, the first lady admitted she partakes of the foods she forbids her husband to eat.  Michelle told US magazine that while out campaigning she’s tried “[e]verything from local farmers’ market produce in North Carolina to fried Twinkies in Iowa.”

Yet, prior to Barack Obama setting out on his summer Midwest bus tour, Michelle forbade him to indulge in fried Twinkies at state fairs. Now, Hostess, the makers of Ding-Dongs, politically incorrect Ho-Hos, Wonder Bread, and friable Twinkies, is officially out of business.  Therefore, thanks to Mrs. Obama’s dietary restriction, the President of the United States may never be able to enjoy a battered, deep fried specialty on a stick.

Although the iconic snack cake manufacturer had “already reached a contract agreement with its largest union, the International Brotherhood of Teamsters,” it was too late.  According to Hostess CEO Gregory F. Rayburn “thousands of members in [its] second-biggest union went on strike late last week after rejecting in September a contract offer that cut wages and benefits.”

Rayburn apologized to dedicated Sno Ball fans, saying, “We deeply regret the necessity of today’s decision, but we do not have the financial resources to weather an extended nationwide strike. Hostess Brands will move promptly to lay off most of its 18,500-member workforce and focus on selling its assets to the highest bidders.”

Hopefully the Hostess buyout doesn’t end up going to another Chinese bidder because somehow Rinkies and Fing Fongs just don’t sound as appetizing as Twinkies and Ding Dongs.

As for the 18,000+ ex-Hostess personnel, “Most employees who lose their jobs should be eligible for government-provided unemployment benefits.” Laid-off snack cake workers can now line up behind the thousands of other Americans who overwhelmingly decided to continue moving FORWARD on the unemployment line for four more years.

Hostess said its “wind down would mean the closure of 33 bakeries, 565 distribution centers, approximately 5,500 delivery routes and 570 bakery outlet stores in the United States.” Besides leaving flour, sugar and unused hairnets behind, the demise of Hostess will also mean that state fairs will no longer get mass deliveries of Twinkies to fill those deep fryers.

As luck would have it, state fair concession stand owners still have time to hoard Twinkies because distribution centers “will remain open for several days to sell already-baked products.”  Stale Twinkies are not a problem because, urban legend or not, the spongy cakes do have a reputation for extended shelf life.  Just ask Roger Bennatti, a Science Teacher at George Stevens Academy in Blue Hill, Maine. Roger “wanted to find out just how long a Twinkie could survive, so he left one sitting on his blackboard for three decades.”

Unlike this past year, when Barack’s state fair tasting tour was limited by Michelle to the “chocolate moose ‘butter cow’ statue,” if a few Twinkies are secured for posterity there’s a glimmer of hope that Obama may be allowed to indulge, just one last time, in what’s now a historic delicacy.

Either way, thankfully, “Twinkies were included in the U.S. Millennium Time Capsule representing an object of enduring American symbolism.”  Good thing, because in the words of the Gregory Rayburn, thanks to Hostess’s second-biggest union, “It’s over. This is it.”  Sadly, the same can be said of Barack Obama’s America.

So the next time a time capsule is loaded up with iconic American symbols, it might be appropriate to bury a fried Twinkie alongside the no-longer-indestructible American flag and a copy of the recently outmoded U.S. Constitution.

‘Knuckleheads’ 4 Government

Originally posted at American Thinker blog

Recently, at the University of Science in Philadelphia, the City of Brotherly Love, Michelle Obama expressed her view of the Obama voters she feels will make difference in the November election.  The first lady’s less-than-flattering opinion is that some of them are “knuckleheads,” “distracted,” and “confused.” And although those are not the nicest things to say about your friends, in this case Mrs. Obama is entirely accurate.

In an attempt to gin up Obama supporters to get out the vote, the first lady said that “All of us know that one person in our lives, right, that one knucklehead nephew that’s not registered to vote, that one neighbor that’s not really paying attention, or that one person in your office that’s confused about how Barack’s tax plan will benefit, um, that individual…”

The type of knucklehead Mrs. Obama was referring to isn’t the playful Paul Winchell puppet with the uncanny resemblance to her husband. Nor was it a reference to those famous “knuckleheads” Moe, Larry and Curly of Three Stooges fame.

In addition to nephews, neighbors, and co-workers, the knuckleheads that fit the first lady’s description include those supposedly intelligent Obama voters who clap like trained seals every time the President stokes class warfare by maligning the prosperous and denigrating corporate America.

Don’t liberals know that Barack Obama is actively in the process of expanding the biggest, most out-of-control, bloated federal government/conglomerate in the history of the planet?  The only distinction between the Washington DC régime and the private sector that the left purports to abhor is that the government Obama supervises is run by wealthy, power-hungry elected officials whose earnings growth and outlook are contingent solely on legally fleecing the American taxpayer.

As a group, knuckleheads on the left are so busy reviling personal achievement that they fail to recognize that Government Inc. prospers only because it callously liquidates less-powerful competitors and funnels profit to very few.

What the left either doesn’t understand or refuses to acknowledge is that Barack Obama sits at the helm of a federally-run corporation far richer, greedier and more dishonest than Bain Capital ever could be, and his goal in the next election is to remain seated.

On the whole, liberals refuse to admit that their ‘representatives’ in government are nothing more than elected extortionists, amassing profits and reaping a level of personal gain that rivals the most hardnosed executive wielding clout in the corporate world.

When the President insists that the “economy grows best — from the middle out, from the bottom up, not from the top down” what he’s actually doing is cleverly bolstering top-down economics by making sure its the government that stays on top.   At corporate headquarters in Washington DC, corrupt politicians rob Americans of private property and eye private business for federal takeover while disguising corporate-style ruthlessness as benevolent bureaucracy.

After all, Government Inc. is the ultimate predator — it devours the meat, sucks the marrow from the bone, and then tosses leftovers to the entitled, who grapple for it thinking they’re getting something for free.

When Mr. Obama, the federal executive who occupies his time frittering away trillions of dollars, attempts to woo the middle class with the kind of simplistic class-warfare rhetoric that suggests conservatives don’t care about creating jobs and furthering prosperity, only about granting “big tax cuts to folks who don’t need them” and letting “corporations run roughshod, even if they’re not doing the right thing,” do knuckleheads even recognize the absurdity of such nonsense?

Instead of spending time waving “Forward.” banners and applauding ineptitude, maybe before Obama voters rush to the polls on Election Day they should first ask themselves this:  Does the federal government Barack Obama hawks really deserve to be entrusted with more personal property to mismanage? And if truth be told, isn’t it really the bureaucratic establishment that’s running “roughshod” over America?

Moreover, after wasting hundreds of billions of dollars on a failed stimulus bill, growing the deficit, nurturing unemployment, and pretty much inflicting mayhem on the American economy, has the current CEO of Government Inc. earned the right to say anything about anything, let alone criticize competitors in the private sector?

It’s hard to disagree that at this crucial juncture, Barack Obama expressing his opinion on how to run the country would be sort of like listening to Jessica Simpson share deep thoughts on quantum theory.

With that in mind, liberals can start regaining some level of self-respect by recognizing and admitting that the corporate crooks and gluttonous companies Barack Obama plans to penalize pale in comparison to the mammoth Washington DC conglomerate he endorses, which at its core is more unscrupulous and unethical than failed Enron and Tyco combined.

Therefore, before agreeing with the first lady and officially assuming the title of liberal Knucklehead, Democrat voters should realize that if they vote for Barack Obama in 2012, the corrupt corporate mentality they think they’re voting against is the very thing they’ll be voting for – only worse.

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