Tag Archives: Eva Longoria

Michelle Obama, Hyponatremia, Adult Diapers, and Other Hydration-Related Issues

Originally posted at American Thinker

For America’s aging population, even the mention of water makes a large number of Baby Boomers sprint toward the nearest restroom.  Now to compound the problem, we have first lady Michelle Obama hawking increased water consumption.

Despite the bottled water industry raking in $11.1 billion dollars in 2011 alone and the fact that Americans are already drinking roughly 30 gallons of bottled water per year, Michelle (code name H2O) is quenching her thirst while earning her keep, reminding over-hydrated Americans to hydrate.

And to add credibility to the scheme, star of stage and screen/part-time policy wonk Eva Longoria (who, in case you haven’t heard, makes a mean guacamole) is taking time off from “brainstorming” with the president on border security issues to stand shoulder-to-belly button with Mrs. Obama to promote the project.

It used to be when a person felt hungry, they ate, and when their God-given internal water gauge indicated they were running low, they drank.  That’s the old way.  Now we have Michelle Obama spending her time “nudging” us away from the soda aisle toward the water fountain.

Dr. Timothy Noakes, professor of exercise and sports science at the University of Cape Town in South Africa and author of Waterlogged, rightly pointed out:

You don’t tell your dog or your cat when to drink; they’ve got a thirst mechanism. Why should it be that humans should be the unique animal in the world who [has] to be told when to drink?

Great question, Dr. Noakes, maybe you should ask the first lady.

Regardless of her answer, it’s clear the good doctor doesn’t understand that even when it comes to fundamental things like hunger and thirst, lesser-minded Americans are no longer allowed to trust anything other than the government.

So here’s a new rule! Whether you’re tired or not, when Michelle Obama says “Let’s Move!” you better be moving, and when she says “No sweets!” it’s no sweets or else.  And now, when she says “Drink Up!” America had better be chugging chlorine-infused tap water, or there may be efforts forthcoming from the higher-ups to establish neighborhood-based waterboarding stations.

The “Drink Up” water campaign, bless its heart, is new, so while it’s off to a rousing start, there are quite a few hurdles to surmount.

For instance, “Let’s Move!” Central has not issued specific instructions to the water drinkers in St. Bernard Parish, Louisiana, where the brain-eating amoeba Naegleria fowleri was recently found in the tap water.  Although there is an experimental German drug called miltefosine to which the CDC expanded access to this summer, it’s doubtful the life-saving drug will be covered under Obamacare.

For safety sake, let’s hope the residents of St. Bernard Parish aren’t rinsing their Michelle Obama-mandated organic kale in tap water, Neti-potting their clogged sinuses, or, after sweating along to a Beyoncé “Move Your Body” video, glugging gallons of tap water to cool down.

Then there’s another problem that may arise:  drinking an overabundance of water can be deadly!

Although bastion of moderation Michelle Obama consistently makes healthy lifestyle choices for herself (ahem), low-information lemmings can become presidential people-pleasers and might overdo it.

Moreover, while the first lady still recommends less sodium in our diets, drowning ourselves on a cellular level could lead to a condition called hyponatremia. Hyponatremia is an electrolyte imbalance that causes sodium levels in the body to become dangerously diluted, resulting in symptoms like queasiness, vomiting, headache, and confusion, and can even escalate to convulsions, coma, and death.

An epidemic of sodium depletion, along with the threat of Louisiana brain-eating amoeba, could definitely place undue stress on our fledgling healthcare system. Not to mention water addiction, which manifests as a mental disorder called polydipsia, sufferers of which have been known to compete with the family dog for toilet water.

Subsequently, as part of the first lady’s Watering of America campaign, it’s clear (no pun intended) that in addition to the government monitoring our kidneys, bladders, urine color, and measuring output, squads of hydration specialists may have to be dispatched to prevent nationwide water intoxication.

And let’s not forget vigilant environmentalists who argue that “the production of plastic bottles requires millions of barrels of oil per year,” (ut oh!) as well as the “transportation of bottled water from its source to stores [which allegedly] releases thousands of tons of carbon dioxide.”

Finally, there’s pragmatic issues like inadequate bathroom facilities, the financial strain of high-priced adult diapers, overflowing public pools, and people getting mixed up about where to direct the garden hose.

So as you can see, although good intentions are the motivation behind “Drink Up,” thanks to the wide spectrum of human behavior mucking up the works, drinking more water is not without its problems.

With that in mind, adequately hydrating America is likely to become a complex endeavor and may necessitate direct intervention from yet another team of committed government officials whose task will be to monitor whether or not Americans are following government-regulated water drinking guidelines.

Either way, it’s hard to deny that the first lady’s innovative initiatives are turning out to be very exciting!  That’s why, after “Drink Up” and “Let’s Move!” maybe Sheryl Crow will volunteer to help launch a national “Always Wipe!” movement, which will be personally overseen by – who else? – Michelle Obama.

Obama’s Vanishing Lead with Women Voters

Originally posted at American Thinker blog

The Democratic party likes to portray itself as seeing women as equal to men.  Yet it’s the Democrats who think they can woo female voters by dangling free contraceptives in front of them like a carrot luring a donkey.

For months America has been hearing how it’s President Barack Obama who has the estrogen vote sewn up. Now, according to a recent USA TODAY/Gallup Poll, America comes to find out that Mitt Romney is currently leading Barry the Birth Control President in the top battleground states, and the women he thought were willing to sell the country down the river for an IUD are driving that lead.

In 2008, a large contribution to Barack Obama’s 13-point margin of victory came from women swept up in the euphoria of a wave of Oprah Winfrey flag-waving hysteria.  In 2012 it appears that Winfrey and her tear-soaked eyelashes are sitting this one out, and so are all the women who followed her lead.

According to a recent article in USA TODAY entitled Swing States poll: Women push Romney into lead, Susan Page writes

“As the presidential campaign heads into its final weeks, the survey of voters in 12 crucial swing states finds female voters much more engaged in the election and increasingly concerned about the deficit and debt issues that favor Romney.”

Much to the chagrin of the mainstream media, feminist activist Sandra Fluke, and Obama shills like ingénue Scarlett Johansson and Eva ‘Border Security Expert’ Longoria, “the Republican nominee now ties the president among women who are likely voters, 48%-48% while he leads by 12 points among men.”

According to USA TODAY/Gallup Romney now leads among likely voters in the swing states Obama thought he had in the can a few weeks ago. If this keeps up, it looks like Barack Obama is going to have to give away free weed whackers to the fellas just to stay in the running.

These more recent polls are consistent with a national Pew Poll taken after the first presidential debate that showed Barack Obama’s 18-point lead among women had dissolved; leaving him tied 47%-47% with Romney among likely female voters. In addition, married women, who tend to vote Republican, are more enthusiastic this election cycle than unmarried women, who tend to vote Democratic.

Whatever the reason, Democratic pollster Celinda Lake admitted that since his strong performance in the first debate, “In every poll, we’ve seen a major surge among women in favorability for Romney.”  According to Ms. Lake, “Women went into the debate actively disliking Romney… came out thinking he might understand their lives and might be able to get something done for them.” Presidential prospects for Mitt Romney have only continued to improve after the second and third debates.

Why? Because as a rule, the fairer sex is generally more discerning and Mitt Romney just doesn’t display the demeanor of guy who would leave a woman “dying on the floor” as Nancy Pelosi predicted he would if he’s elected – quite the contrary.  On the other hand, without those Styrofoam Greek columns, during the first debate in Denver Barack Obama looked too weak and disinterested to aid a woman even if she was “dying on the floor.”

Romney pollster Neil Newhouse also maintains that “The first debate had a significant impact on these voters as they watched it and Governor Romney appeared nothing like the candidate that was essentially a caricature in the advertising by the Obama campaign. It’s these voters who began to realize that the picture being painted of him was not reality.” In the 2012 campaign season, misconceptions about the two candidates are being revealed, especially the hyped-up impression of Barack Obama, who’s turning out to be the world’s emptiest suit.

Suffice it to also say that working women are not impressed by a man who touts signing an equal pay bill while paying his own female staff roughly 18% less than his male staff. Moreover, despite the fact that our “abortion extremist” President is convinced that the way to a girl’s heart is promising free contraceptives and abortion on demand, the truth is that what impresses most women is a confident air of leadership that displays the character traits of strength, stability and security.

Hence, when compared to President Obama’s three debate performances, Mitt Romney’s poised but assertive, polite, take-charge steadiness makes him look like a knight in shining armor to female voters who are clearly paying attention.

In the end, as shocking as it may seem to Barack Obama, it’s the competence and ability to turn the economy around, create jobs, and reestablish national security that mean much more to American women than being outfitted by the White House for a lifetime of sex without consequence.

‘Just for Men’ like Osama and Obama

Originally posted at American Thinker blog

For the first time ever in my adult life…I dyed my hair.  That’s right, I just turned two years shy of 60-years-old and I took the plunge and rid my head of stray grays.  It didn’t change my world; in fact, no one really even noticed. But one thing’s for sure – despite what the book “Manhunt: The Ten-Year Search for bin-Laden from 9/ll to Abbottobad” claims Osama bin Laden had hoped hair dye would do for him, it didn’t do for me either, which was to make me sexier.

Still, since my 58th birthday, at least on a hair-dye level I do relate to Osama bin Laden who, allegedly to improve his appearance, “midway through his fifties… regularly applied Just for Men dye to his hair and beard to try to maintain a youthful appearance.”

In his book Manhunt, Peter L. Bergen claims that Osama bin Laden, the pathetic creature we saw last year not long before his death, sitting on the floor watching news reports about himself on an old TV, had expressed the sentiment that “His family life in Abbottabad was a source of genuine solace” for him.

Therefore, the reason the upkeep on his head and beard was so important to him was because, besides jihad and annihilating thousands of innocent people, family man bin Laden “believed deeply…[that]… polygamy was a religious obligation.” According to Bergen, “To his close male friends [Osama] used to joke, ‘I don’t understand why people take only one wife. If you take four wives you live like a groom.'”

There you have it. The al-Qaeda leader’s idea of a frisky groom is someone who, during his downtime, mixes up “natural versions of Viagra,” made of Avena syrup and wild oats.

And when not sowing those wild oats, apparently sex machine Osama kept his gaggle of concubines enamored by walking around the compound with Vaseline around his ears, a plastic bag secured by a clothes pin on his head, and Just for Men combed into his scraggily beard — which I must say, for the female residents of the bin Laden zenana, certainly must have been enticing.

Who would have thought by looking at him that the reason the late polygamist faithfully used Just for Men was to maintain a husbandly stud-muffin facade?  It’s understandable though; for Allah’s sake, the man had a harem of women with whom he was committed to regularly participate in sexy time. So, in order to preserve that lady-killer persona he was so famous for, we now come to find out the man’s secret weapons were hair dye and sex tonic.

This brings the conversation around to yet another beguiling 50-ish world phenomenon (besides myself): the eternally youthful Barack Obama. Although it’s never been mentioned by him, it appears Obama has also been known to address a stray gray or two now and then.

Try as he might to hide it, the President can’t, because if you stare long enough at his closely-cropped hair, occasionally it begins to resemble a time-lapse photo series as it changes from ebony on Monday to ivory  on Saturday and back to full fledged Just for Men Jet Black by the following Monday morning.

Of course, for Barack Obama the effort to ‘youthanize’ himself with paraphenylendiamine is not about acquiring a harem, because he claims to have “improved his gene pool [when he] married up.” But then again, he also will intermittently “brain storm” with border security advisor Eva Longoria, and the “World’s Most Beautiful Woman” Beyonce has been known to drop by the Situation Room on occasion, which would inspire even the most devoted husband to try to maintain a young-looking appearance.

Nonetheless, while Barack Obama remains cloaked in a shroud of hair-dye secrecy, thanks to Peter L. Bergen the world now gets a front-row seat to the Navy SEAL assassination of Osama bin Laden. As an added bonus, we’ll also learn about what went on as history’s most notorious terrorist mastermind padded around in his pajamas for ten years in his comfortable Pakistani hideout.

Manhunt readers will gain new insight into what fueled the Saudi Arabian love machine who, when not plotting mayhem and murder, wrapped himself in a blanket and spent afternoons mixing up love potions. Know this: if he had managed to survive, the egotistical bin Laden would probably never have revealed the secret of his irresistible virility.

The same is true for Barack Obama, because when it comes to smoking, and more importantly hair dye, the first lady appears to be sworn to secrecy. On numerous occasions, Michelle Obama has obfuscated on her husband’s behalf, a practice which has enabled the President to continue to pretend nobody notices the ever-changing black and white kaleidoscope pattern on display directly above his shoulders. 

Yet, despite the ongoing mystery, Barack Obama’s weekly disappearing and reemerging salt-and-pepper head gives observant Americans like my newly-dyed self the insight that, at least as far as hair dye is concerned, what went on in Abbottobad is probably not that different from what goes on 7,053 miles away, on touch-up night in the White House family quarters.


Obama’s Bevy of Latina Lovelies

Originally posted at Taki’s Mag

Does Barack Obama have a thing for Latina chicks or what? First there was the famous salsa at Fiesta Latina at the White House with Mexican singer/actress Thalia. The usually cool Obama got so heated up you could almost see the steam rising as he danced his way back to his seat. The president cooled off instantly once he sat down, because that little spin around the room with a sexy diva didn’t exactly impress Michelle, who gave “Mr. Macho” her familiar cold, hard stare.

Nevertheless, when Barack decided it was time to put immigration reform on the table, a trio of Latina lovelies was called in to advise him. Screw Sheriff Joe Arpaio—who needs him? The list of experts included Eva Longoria, the Mexican-American actress born precariously close to the Mexican border in Corpus Christi, TX; Puerto Rican/Afro-Cuban Rosario Dawson; and Honduran America Ferrera.

Eva defined the meeting as a “brainstorming” session where “influential” persons in the media such as herself joined together with Obama to discuss the complex issues of immigration reform, the imminent need to pass the Dream Act, and making politicians who don’t support his immigration views “pay” in 2012.

Eva, who can barely keep her own avocados under control, told an intimate group of reporters that she is integral to what she calls the “conversation” and is a key advisor in helping “reframe the immigration argument” and tie up loose ends with the guacamole-loving Mr. Macho.

For President Obama it’s never all work and no play. When it’s time to throw a Super Bowl party, who better for the president to share his kielbasa with than football fan Jennifer Lopez? Thus far, the president hasn’t recruited the ex-Mrs. Marc Anthony to be part of his immigration/border security consultative board, but that’s probably because she’s too busy judging the new season of American Idol, leaving no time to advise washed-up American idols.

While J.Lo is otherwise occupied, the president has a bevy of Latina experts from whom to draw advice. For instance, Barack Obama is so invested in cultivating children as future Democrat voters that out of all the nation’s Hispanic educators, the best and most qualified representative is apparently the belly-dancing, hips-don’t-lie Shakira Isabel Mebarak Ripoll.

Along with border security expert Eva Longoria, Colombian pop sensation Shakira was one of those who “met with the president in the Oval Office.” One can be sure that Ms. Shakira shimmied her way into the president’s presence loaded with knowledgeable insights that complemented the other Latina salsa-dancing/border-security/immigration-reform experts who were also there “brainstorming” with the world’s most powerful man.

Shakira, known for educational songs such as “Underneath Your Clothes” and “She Wolf,” has been tapped to expand her humanitarian work beyond the borders of the Barefoot Foundation—an “education-focused” organization she founded in 1995—and will embrace the president’s Advisory Commission on Educational Excellence for Hispanics.

Trevor Neilson, Shakira’s “philanthropic adviser,” spoke on behalf of the woman who sings about her “Oral Fixation,” saying “Shakira considers this a profound honor and responsibility and is thrilled to be able to use her experience to help the president and commission in some small way.”

Besides teaching young barefoot girls how to writhe rhythmically in time to seductive music, Shakira has “educated more than 6,000 kids in her schools in Colombia” and believes deeply that unlike her own “assets,” which even she admits are “small and humble” and not to be confused with mountains, “Latino children are one of America’s greatest assets.”

Shakira is convinced that Latino children are capable of doing “incredible things for our country,” such as one day teaching other children to pole-dance in a bikini like she does, but only “if we ensure they have access to quality education” from wonderful Obama-appointed role models such as herself.

In the past, being the so-called Ugly Betty or the only Latina desperate housewife on television was enough to become a presidential advisor. However, add belly-dancing and running around in the shower in a wet négligée to an already ample set of credentials, and it’s easy to understand why Shakira, who performed for Obama’s inauguration, was a top contender for a position on the president’s education council.

Meanwhile, Latino celebrities such as Edward James Olmos and Marc Anthony, although potentially just as valuable to the president’s close circle of brilliant advisors, thus far have not held any press conferences or been featured as key participants in the conversation.

In the future, perhaps Barack Obama can further resolve the nation’s immigration-related problems by expanding his own borders to include additional well-qualified Hispanic political advisors such as Arizona immigration law critic Jessica Alba, former illegal immigrant Salma Hayek, and family immigration/deportation expert Sofia Vergara.

Obama and A-list Hollywood Dance as Stock Market Nosedives

Originally posted at BIG Hollywood

Barack Obama must believe the American people are a bunch of dolts. On one night, the President accepts tens of thousands of dollars from people who have listened to him demonizing them for having the kind of money one needs to earn to attend a $35,800 fundraiser in his honor.

The next night, hours after millions of American lost large portions of their investments in a volatile stock market, as guest of honor at a self-hosted birthday barbeque at the White House, Obama looked around a Rose Garden gathering of 200 well-heeled A-list friends including Hollywood actors and pop stars, and said, “I challenge you to dance.” At the President’s behest the shoes of those with secure jobs and guaranteed pensions immediately “came off, and things kicked into high gear with barefoot jammin.”

According to one guest, “the night was balmy, and when dinner was done, a DJ spun dance tunes—‘like at a Bar Mitzvah,’” an analogy even Bibi Netanyahu might agree was an odd description for Barack Hussein Obama’s birthday party. Nevertheless, “the twenty tables for ten in the Rose Garden were pushed aside so guests could dance, led by the President and Mrs. Obama.”

While most Americans, reeling from the day’s economic events, were doing anything but dancing, Barack Obama was doing the “Electric Slide” with comedian Chris Rock at what was described as a “fabulous” but “casual” five-hour barbecue honoring the President’s 50th birthday.

Chris was so impressed he enthusiastically tweeted out: “Just left the Presidents birthday party at the White House. Herbie Hancock played, Stevie Wonder sang and yes they did the electric slide. A great night.”

The guest list included Jay Z (What? No Beyonce?) and fresh off meeting the royals a few weeks prior, professional party-goers, Mr. and Mrs. Tom “Forest Gump” Hanks. Also doing the Electric Slide with the President was hoopster Charles Barkley and Whoopi Goldberg.  CSI: NY star and Obama Harvard Law School chum Hill Harper was also seen grooving to Herbie Hancock’s mobile jazz ensemble.

Poor Herbie must have been tuckered out after performing for the President’s fundraiser/birthday bash in Chicago the night before. The musician had to hit the road to the White House in time to provide music for the President and the First Lady who reportedly, in bicep-baring summer attire, wore out the grass with Dancing with the Stars alumni and Dallas Cowboys Hall-of-Famer Emmitt Smith.

The Who’s Who of Liberal Partiers included Cabinet secretaries: Clinton, Geithner, Duncan, Sebelius, as well as Tahitian Pearl wearer, House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi and husband Paul.

Taking the evening off from talking up the economy and slamming Allen West (R-FL) was Democratic National Committee chairwoman Debbie Wasserman Schultz, who was joined at the event by another person in dire need of an updated hairdo, Al Sharpton.

Chicago Mayor Rahm Emanuel and  White House Chief of Staff Bill Daley; former press secretary Robert Gibbs; and advisers Valerie Jarrett, David Plouffe, David Axelrod, and Maoist party girl Anita Dunn all had an opportunity to avail themselves to a Barack-induced butter cream high.

The only ones absent were the famous rat that often shows up when Obama speaks in the Rose Garden, border security advisor and presidential “brainstorming” partner Eva Longoria, and Republicans who, after the debt ceiling brouhaha, were nowhere to be found on the guest list.

Stevie Wonder performed a “surprise” rendition of Barack and Michelle’s wedding song, “You and I,” a sentimental addition that gave the birthday barbeque the “Ahhhh…how sweet” romance that Chicago-style hot dogs slathered in neon relish often lack.

Besides steamed frankfurters on sesame seed buns, also on the menu were grilled meats, pasta and salad made with “fresh greens plucked from Mrs. Obama’s Kitchen Garden, as well as vegetable sides, accompanied by American wines,” and of course, birthday cake and a diverse array of pies.

In honor of what Michelle claims is Barack’s well-earned hair color as well as reflections of the general mood of the country, the tables were “covered with simple gray cloths.” The tablecloths were “anchored by sprays of yellow flowers,” reflecting Obama’s gratitude toward the journalistic style of the mainstream media, with added greenery in memoriam to obsolete American currency.

It should be noted that to show solidarity with struggling Americans, the Obamas paid for the food, decorations and party favors out of the President’s very own guaranteed $400,000 a year salary.  The Obamas’ selfless action in financing his out-of-pocket birthday party proves to America that even though the Big-Five-Oh President does the Electric Slide all over the American economy he’s still willing to go the extra mile and share his wealth while grilling the Wagyu beef.

A great time was had by all, and despite the condition of a nation in decline, it’s highly likely the Democrats in attendance wished Mr. Obama, shoving off with the First Family to spend a relaxing weekend at Camp David, another four successful years of wreaking holy havoc, in one form or another, on the United States of America.

Blooming Obama Apologist: Richard Gere

Originally posted at BIG Hollywood

Actor/activist/committed Buddhist and Dalai Lama devotee Richard Gere showed up again on Capitol Hill to testify before the House Foreign Affairs Committee about “religious freedom and human rights” in Tibet, Burma and North Korea.

Why Richard Gere would be considered an authority on any subject besides the tango is a mystery to those who’ve had the opportunity to hear the man speak without a script. Then again, “Desperate Housewives” star Eva Longoria does intermittently “brainstorm” with the President on Border security issues.

Following his gripping testimony, Gere was approached by a reporter and asked: “Has President Obama, in your mind,” – which is where it gets tricky – “been tough enough on China regarding human rights?”

On occasion Richard has been known to criticize Obama for treating his holiness the Dalai Lama dismissively. Like for example the time the esteemed Tibetan monk was secretly escorted in the dead of winter out the back door of the White House and forced to maneuver in flip-flops around White House garbage bags.

This time, appearing flattered to be asked another question from someone seeking further insight from his vast pool of expertise, Gere, without mentioning China’s “Paramount Leader” Hu Jintao being feted like royalty at a state dinner, said “No, no, he [Obama] has a ways to go.  I think he’s finding his way of how forceful to be.”


Responding to reporter Nicholas Ballasy’s question about Obama’s handling of China, the self-appointed Tibetan expert expounded on Barry’s growth when dealing with the Chinese saying “I think he’s also finding out … you have to be very frontal.” With Weinergate and all, maybe ‘frontal’ was a poor choice of words.

Nevertheless, in addition to human rights and religion, Richard proceeded to deliver an impromptu didactic exposition on Chinese foreign policy telling Ballasy: “You have to be very clear. You have to be unconfused and you must be very strong. I think he’s getting there, but he could be stronger, yes.”

Zen master Gere, a 30-year insight meditation expert, then defended Barry’s private stance on China and said with full confidence, “I know what his own private feelings are – those are clear.” It’s no secret that Obama has been hard-hitting with the Chinese, like the time he asked Herbie Hancock to entertain at the state dinner instead of Beyoncé.

Either way, the reporter pressed on and asked Richard Gere if, despite criticisms, “Are you supportive of [Obama’s] job performance overall?” Without wavering Gere responded, “Yeah, overall, really I think he’s done an extraordinary job.  I think he’s going to go down probably as one of our great presidents.”

Ballasy requested the actor clarify his statement: “What specifically are you supportive of that he’s done?”

Richard, shadowed by a “Pretty Woman” in a hijab, answered Nicholas’ question while leaning over and appearing to tie his shoe. As he bent down, the actor’s snow-white head testified to the source of Richard Gere’s prajna.

Soft-spoken while haltingly thoughtful, Richard lauded Obama’s ability “to juggle.” The tranquil star said, “Let’s think of all of the problems that he’s had in his presidency. You know natural disasters, or international issues, domestic. He has found a way to change and flow to learn from every situation.”

Having had a rare opportunity to tap into a wellspring of liberal wisdom, Ballasy missed a perfect opportunity to find out when Barack learned to juggle and how exactly a person ‘changes and flows to learn.’

According to Richard Gere, Obama is a man who “puts himself out there personally constantly. He’s a good listener” and “He engages on a personal level almost every day” – a portrayal that sounds like Barack would make a perfect contestant on the “The Bachelor.”

From the sound of things, the Dalai Lama mentee must have been living the monastic life in Tibet, because the star of “Chicago” seems to believe that since Obama took office, “We’re coming out of this terrible economic crisis, [and] turning the corner on” what Gere oddly described as “terrorist situations.”

Richard Tiffany Gere’s short soliloquy on Barack’s life journey ended with a comment that even the Dalai Lama, who called for “democracy to flower” in China, would have trouble deciphering.  With the Buddhist lotus blossom inspiring another poetic analogy, in all seriousness, Gere said, “I think [Barack’s] engagement with the Chinese is starting to flower now. The strength within him is starting to emerge. I think he’s doing a terrific job.”

The actor was so caught up in showering Obama with undeserved flattery, he forgot a fundamental Buddhist principle: Don’t believe anything without thinking first. Based on the Tibetan activist’s rambling comments about the President’s blossoming job performance, the “Final Analysis” is that thinking may be the one remaining tenet of the Noble Eightfold Path that Richard Gere has yet to master.

Cause Couture

Originally posted at American Thinker blog

Despite the state of the American economy and the President telling already cash-strapped Americans they have to “get used” to paying $5 a gallon for gasoline, Michelle showed support for America’s garment industry by frolicking about in a costly The Row collection skirt.

Last week, before the air traffic control/mid-air/runway brouhaha, Michelle Obama emerged on ‘The View’ in a skirt designed by ‘Full House’ stars and twin clothing designers Ashley and Kate Olsen. “Mrs. Obama, who appeared on the show with Jill Biden, teamed the pale grey pleated Evelyn skirt, worth $1,170 with a cream V-neck and kitten-heel shoes.”

Including accessories, the cost of the breezy morning-talk show ensemble was likely a tick above the $2,000 mark.  In spite of this, economically taxed Americans should go easy on Michelle, because just like her husband, at the core of all that she does is a desire to help make the American Dream a reality for the little people – like the diminutive Ashley Olsen, who once shared that “She would love to see Michelle wear one of her designs.”

Thanks to the bounteousness of Mrs. Obama, the $100 million sitcom sister team had “a dream come true” when Michelle visited Whoopi, Barb, Joy, Liz, and Sherri bedecked in Olsen designed haute couture.

Michelle and BFF Jill Biden chatted with the ladies of ‘The View’ about “Joining Forces,” the “new initiative to help military families.”  Initially one would think that with the rate of pay that military families subsist on, Michelle flitting about in designer duds while speaking on behalf of “helping military families” was almost as insensitive as bagging groceries at a food bank shod in $540 sneakers.

But who knows, maybe MObama’s true motive for wearing Lanvin sneakers while volunteering at a food pantry was simply an attempt to relate to the homeless, hungry, secondhand-wearing soup kitchen patrons and conveying a message, by way of fashion, to the down-and-out that occasionally even a First Lady is forced to humbly wear sneakers.

With each outfit change, it’s becoming increasingly evident that concern for the public may be the driving force behind Mrs. Obama’s reputation as a style icon. More and more Michelle’s chic clothing choices can be traced directly to the theme of a high-profile cause.

Take for example the Tory Burch Connell gardening boots at $500 a pair – those are clearly about healthy eating; a $2,500 secondhand vintage Christmas dress – can anybody say “recycling?” Kitten heels – animal rights. How about the $1,170 Olsen-twin-designed ‘The Row’ skirt – those “pale grey pleats” scream support for the American military and exhibit solidarity with the U.S. garment industry.

“Though expensive, the President’s wife’s choice represents a support of American industry, as all of the Olsen twins’ designs are made in the U.S.”

Silly me – all along I misjudged Michelle.  I was under the impression that the First Lady’s high-priced fashion choices were commissioned by her current stylist – whose name and identity no one knows – and based on color, mood, or event.  Who would have guessed that Michelle’s affinity for Jason Wu was altruistic in nature?

So as President Obama concentrates on solving the border security problem with Mexican-American immigration expert/Desperate Housewife Eva Longoria, Michelle, on behalf of the American military, healthy eating, recycling and the garment industry, is busy exercising her biceps by snatching up rack-after-rack of hundreds of thousands of dollars in couture garments.

By self-sacrificially donning expensive high-end designer duds, every time she zips up Michelle wants America to rest assured she’s only doing so in support of a righteous cause.

Carla + Confidential Comments = Controversy Hell

News broke that a visibly unhappy Michelle Obama confessed to Frances’ President Sarkozy’s always-cheerful wife Carla Bruni that the “job” of being First Lady to a U.S. President and living in the White House is “hell.” During a Spring visit to the U.S. Mrs. Sarkozy supposedly asked the  First Lady the controversial question to which Michelle allegedly responded  by saying, “Don’t ask! It’s hell. I can’t stand it!”

The not so shocking revelation was made public in a book entitled: “Carla and the Ambitious Ones” written by journalists, Michael Darmon and Yves Derai supposedly in collaboration “Cheshire Cat” Carla.

The White House quickly jumped to Michelle’s defense and vigorously clarified that, “The First Lady never said that.” One would guess that if there were any spare lamps left after the Clinton’s moved out there may have been a few being hurled around the presidential living quarters.  Straightening out her disheveled self, after raising holy “Hell,” Michelle probably downshifted into damage control never thinking that the adorable Carla would betray a girlfriend’s confidence.

A spokeswoman for First Lady, Catherine McCormick-Lelyveld, who likely wasn’t privy to the confidential conversation when it took place maintains, “The First Lady never said that.”

The White House spin controllers are denying Michelle told Carla Bruni “It’s hell. I can’t stand it.” The First Lady should  clarify that what she actually said was, “It’s swell, which is how we planned it.” Maybe Sarkozy’s wife misunderstood Michelle’s comment because, when chatting with Carla, the First Lady was munching on French cherry clafoutis pastry.

Counsel came quickly from a husband who has been in tacky situations before.  The Presidential list of recommendations included: Calm down, smoke a few butts and more than anything, “Deny, deny, deny and deny some more and above all, stick to the story.”

Emmanuel Lenain, a spokesman for the French Embassy to the US, said, “Mrs. Bruni-Sarkozy distances herself completely from the content of the book ‘Carla and the Ambitious’, which was not authorized and the authors alone are responsible for its contents. The words attributed to the First Lady of the United States were never said.”

When asked whether Ms. Bruni collaborated on the book, Monsieur Lenain said, “I don’t have all the details, I’ll have to get back to you.” Wait a second.  A French Embassy spokesperson vouched for Carla Bruni by saying France’s First Lady was not responsible for the contents of a tell-all Carla-collaborated book?

The book alleges, “Rivalry between two women strained relations between the French and U.S.presidential  couples.”  Based on the the sullen facial expression Michelle does little hide when in the company of Mrs. Woody Allen-movie star Sarkozy the enmity is obvious. Which explains why Carla may have divulged to journalists what Michelle blurted out in confidence this past March.

Could Michelle have said, “Don’t ask! It’s hell. I can’t stand it!” Does the First Lady  Michelle Obama look like someone who’s happy being wedded to the leader of the free world?

Since March, when the comment was supposedly made, Michelle has been on multitudinous vacations, tasting tours, European jaunts and jam-packed,  “private mother daughter trips.”  Michelle can be found anywhere but home and oftentimes, when Mrs. Obama is in travel mode, it’s without the groom of her youth, the debonair and always attentive Barry.

When-and-if  Michelle graces the homestead with her presence it’s usually to attend a gala.  Michelle comforts herself with haute couture, thousand-dollar strappy shoes and star-studded guests.  The disgruntled Mrs. Obama spends so much time with Eva Longoria-Parker she’s officially considered an honorary “Desperate Housewife.”

Although Mrs. Obama and the White House remain in denial mode, if you put it all together the juicy tidbits add up to TRUTH.  Carla, a cat fight, an off-the-cuff comment, collaboration, couple conflict – I say its confirmed. Michelle said, “Don’t ask” and thought Carla Bruni-Sarkozy would behave like Oprah and never tell.  The First Lady was wrong  and now Michelle finds herself embroiled in controversial-comment hell.

Obamas take a break from vacationing to attend two major galas and big reception this week

Originally posted at American Thinker Blog

Nothing refreshes a hard working couple coming off an exhausting month of vacationing like changing into eveningwear and moving right into a “packed social schedule…with two major galas and a reception for college athletes.”

So it is for perpetual vacationers Barack and Michelle Obama, who hold firmly to the tenet “All work and no play make Barack and Michelle a dull couple.” Thus, the twosome alternate between vacations and play as often as humanly possible.

The duo’s upcoming packed social schedule starts with the President welcoming “collegiate star athletes to a White House reception.”  Obama and Michelle will honor exceptional student athletes “in more than a dozen sports.” With any luck, before the evening party, work-a-bee Obama will have an opportunity to work over the hardwood with a busload of dribblers.

After resting up the next day, the First Lady will throw on her haute couture and Mr. Obama will “don black tie” for the annual Congressional Hispanic Caucus Institute gala.  Two former White House guests, percussionist Shelia E and Mexican-American/ “Desperate Housewife” Eva Longoria Parker, will both be honored with awards for being… well, for being Hispanic.  Also receiving kudos is five-time Grammy award-winning trumpeter Arturo Sandoval who may be called upon to royally toot during the President and First Lady’s entrance into the event.

The Congressional Hispanics will also be graced with the presence of non-Hispanic icons like Harry Reid (D-Nev), House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-Ca) and Ground Zero mosque supporter, New York’s very own tolerant Mayor Michael Bloomberg, all of whom pride themselves on being Hispanic in spirit.

The next day, after sleeping in, Barry and Michelle will select outfits for the next big function, “the Congressional Black Caucus Foundation’s (CBCF) annual Phoenix Awards dinner.  The dinner will mark the culmination of the foundation’s 40th Annual Legislative Conference.”

Honorees will include: New Jersey State Assembly Speaker and Democrat Sheila Y. Oliver, as well as actor and humanitarian Harry Belafonte. Everyone knows Harry Belafonte of “Day-O” fame – he’s the Democrat and liberal activist who called President Bush “the greatest terrorist in the world.” The Banana Boat honoree believes Black Republicans are “tyrants,” and whenever overcome with affection for Hugo Chavez, breaks out in an over-enthusiastic “Viva la Revolucion.”

The CBCF function would almost be worth attending just to see if Barack and Michelle Obama jump to their feet and give a standing ovation to a passionate supporter of the “socialist revolution of Venezuelan leader Hugo Chavez.”

Also being honored is 88 year-old retired Washington Bureau Chief for JET Magazine, (new home to Desiree Rogers, former White House social secretary), Simeon Booker. Choreographer and former artistic director of the Alvin Ailey American Dance Theatre Judith Jamison, fresh off a gig at the White House dance party, is also an honoree. Mrs. Obama praised Jamison for being an “amazing, phenomenal, fly” woman and did so while saying “It’s a good thing” over and over and over again.

After enduring one star-studded affair after another, two very tired wild-and-crazy party animals will climb into a gas-guzzling Cadillac Stagecoach and slowly make their way up the gravel driveway outside 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.  Once inside, the First Couple will take a short reprieve from unending merriment in order to regroup and gain the strength needed to continue to inflict mayhem on the rest of the country.

Señora “Starlite” Stays Home

Michelle Obama travels all the way to Marbella Spain for reconnection time with her daughter and who shows up in the lobby? Antonio Banderas and Eva Longoria.

What a twist of fate that two Hollywood luminaries just happen to be hosting a star-studded event in the Villa Padierna in the same hotel on the same weekend Michelle Obama is holidaying on the Costa del Sol.

One would think a 5-star hotel would plan more efficiently and at the very least inform the First Lady that August 7th might not be the best time to seek toned down, “private” time with Sasha.

Regardless, Michelle and Sasha spent two days following in the “the footsteps of Ernest Hemingway and Orson Welles.” Accompanied by a motorcade of 13 cars and three dozen tag-alongs, mother and daughter visited “Spain’s oldest bullring, the Plaza de Toros in Ronda, a picturesque town in the hills above the Costa del Sol.”

“The group…visited some of the town’s historic houses and later stopped for lunch at Del Escudero restaurant, set in a 19th century villa with whitewashed walls and red roof tiles located next to the bullring.”

Now it appears, as chance would have it, the stars aligned in such a way that the Villa Padierna is also preparing for “Marbella’s event of the year – a star-studded charity gala hosted by Hollywood A-listers Antonio Banderas and Eva Longoria.”

No one knows for sure if she’ll attend but apparently, the First Lady was invited by desperate housewife Eva Longoria-Parker to be a “special guest at the event.” Mrs. Obama, even if hesitant to leave Sasha with a sitter, is somewhat obligated to make an appearance because Eva “lent her support to Barack Obama during his presidential campaign,” and has never once declined an invitation to the White House.

So far, more than 400 “Starlite Gala” tickets have been sold, costing 1000 Euros each, which calculates to $1,317.59 apiece in American currency.  In fact, an additional 200 fawners’ names were added to the “waiting list after learning that Mrs. Obama might be present.”

Among those clamoring to dine in the same room as the wife of the US President are a host of European celebrities and aristocrats, including Gunilla Gräfin von Bismarck, great-granddaughter of Otto, who has a home in Marbella.

Also in attendance will be tennis player Boris Becker with his wife Lilly Kerssenberg, and bestselling spiritual guru Deepak Chopra.

First-and-foremost the draw is always children’s charities.  But then again, one never knows if a single night hob-knobbing with the First Lady could end in a “close friend” travel invitation to the exotic island of Tahiti.

The press predicts that if “Mrs. Obama does choose to attend the [Starlite Gala] it is unlikely that she will join guests to dance the night away at the after-party organized in Marbella’s premier nightclub, the Disco Olivia Valere.” After all, the rhythmic First Lady is probably tuckered out from flamenco dancing in Granada.

Anyway, Sunday is a big day and nobody knows how to set priorities like Shelley. First, Mrs. Obama plans to attend an “official” luncheon with Spain’s King Juan Carlos and Queen Sofia at their summer palace in Majorca.  Then, Michelle flies home to Barry’s loving arms just in time to pack for next weekend’s trip to the Gulf Coast of Florida, which is a hop, skip and a jump from Miami, where the First Lady might just “coincidentally” bump into Gloria Estefan or reconnect with Boris Becker.

Update: It appears Barry may have told Miss Shelley “Starlite” to cool it. Michelle’s elite Spanish frolic was making the President who preaches sacrifice look a tad hypocritical.  So enough was enough on the Spanish excursion – instead  Shelley chose to have a quiet dinner in La Meridiana restaurant ten miles away agreeing to forgo the limelight for a couple of minutes.

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