Barack Obama has definitively stated that he is of the opinion that climate change contributes to terrorism. But thus far, what the president has failed to address is whether the cause and effect relationship between climate change and terrorism works both ways
And who better to marry the topics of terrorism and weather than the one who implied he had the Messianic ability to “slow the rising oceans” and “heal the planet?”
In the wake of the COP21 the United Nations Climate Change Conference in Paris, one can’t help but wonder why the president didn’t address the carbon footprint that results from ISIS incinerating humans beings for sport.
In fact, while the president was in France blaming terrorism on global warming, jihadists were in Syria hanging people upside down on spits and roasting them like pigs.
Here the president was center stage at an international climate change conference in a city that, after being attacked by ISIS, has barely buried their dead. That’s why; Paris was a fitting place for Obama to explore whether ISIS burning people alive in metal cages pollutes the air.
Before jumping headlong into the subject of human bonfires, the president could have begun by examining more benign topics such as exploding metal implants and hot ash, both of which are spectator safety concerns affecting curious bystanders at public executions.
Granted, when broaching the subject of environmentally friendly killings, even crucifixion and beheading can get a little tricky.
For example, who would have thought that there’s an ecological downside to beheading dozens of people on a beach? Clearly, ISIS is unaware that once the blood starts flowing, pristine oceans are polluted with human blood that contains concentrations of environmentally hazardous chemicals.
That’s why, because blood kills wildlife, and makes the ocean unhealthy for swimming in full burqua; it’s always a bad idea to spill rivers of blood on a beach.
Nonetheless, right before discussing how cremating Christians in a furnace with properly ventilated flue benefits the environment; the president could have said that, as a group, terrorists really could be ecologically savvier and a little more green-minded.
For example, because it takes a couple of hours to turn a 150-pound person, made up of 65% water, into a pile of ash, in the future, ISIS should really look for more efficient ways of disposing of Shia spies and Jordanian pilots.
Another point ISIS is probably unaware of is that when you place an adult male into a cage with the intent to burn him alive, after the flame licks its way up the gasoline trail, and after the victim is fully engulfed in flames, the compounds that are present quickly decompose and calcify.
For that reason the president had a moral obligation to explore the topic of crematory science.
If America’s green president surmises that ISIS is even remotely concerned about leaving a carbon footprint, short of granting them carbon credits, his duty was to apprise the terror group that after a person is fully ignited, and the gut wrenching screams start to wan, air quality is quickly compromised by human cremains blowing into the atmosphere.
According to a faculty research source at the University of Virginia: “Both the fumes expelled during cremation and the mineralized remains of the skeleton … are possible sources of toxic waste.” Not to mention the carbon footprint produced by the noxious ash that results when a dyed flame-resistant orange jump suit goes up in flames.
Looking back, Obama squandered an opportunity to convey in a dispassionate, non-judgmental manner, details about some of the more offensive contaminants that are spewed into the atmosphere when human flesh is exposed to extreme heat.
For instance, whenever a body is burning, things like lead, lithium, and arsenic all waft into the air. In turn, the residue from charred flesh ends up leaving a footprint larger than the late Jihadi John’s lace-up boot on the back of a person he’s about to behead.
By not broaching the subject of gaseous emissions that form during cremation, Obama missed an opening to scare ISIS green.
Unfortunately, the president is no longer in Paris. Therefore, his chance to warn the Islamic state about some of the more troublesome secretions that come from incinerated corpses, such as carbon dioxide, carbon monoxide, nitrogen oxide, sulphur dioxide, hydrogen chloride gas, hydrogen fluoride, and mercury, has vanished like dissipating vapor.
Barack also muffed the chance to fulfill his prophetic calling to “heal the planet.”
Instead of talking about how contaminants from barbequed bodies react with volatile acids to form, please God no, carcinogenic polychlorinated dibenzodioxins (PCDDs) and polychlorinated dibenzofurans (PCDFs), the president chose instead to dine on a menu “fit for a king” at L’Ambroisie’s.
By failing to give equal time to how extremist ideology impacts climate change, and by not presenting a contrasting view, the ecologically-sensitive guy whose flight to France expended enough fuel to gas up 72 cars for a year, wasted an opening to “level the eco-friendly playing field.”
In the end, when the smoke clears and the toxic dust settles, it’s likely that Barack Obama will continue to blame climate deniers for worldwide jihad, and secretly applaud anyone, including ISIS, for helping curtail air pollution by eliminating humans who exhale CO2.