Barack Obama’s Productive 24 Hours

Obama’s pre-Father’s Day agenda was packed with 24 hours of money grubbing and voting-bloc pandering.  Barack and Michelle returned from the “Sex and the City” cash grab in NYC just past midnight on Friday morning.  By midday, he was having a leisurely lunch with the four winners of the campaign contest ‘Dinner with Barack IV’ at DC’s Lincoln Restaurant.  The lunch was so laid-back that the President, who was due back for a 1:15 pm statement in the Rose Garden, didn’t arrive until 1:35 pm.

Obama then delighted young illegal immigrants by letting them know that they could finally emerge from diner kitchens all over America, free from the concern of deportation. And for the rest of the day, he gave his undivided attention to the LGBT community.

At 5:10 pm the President hosted a reception in honor of LGBT Pride Month, which does leave one wondering when Heterosexual Pride Month will be put on the President’s agenda and what kind of stuff will be on the buffet table for boring people who insist on marrying the opposite sex.

Nevertheless, until that special day becomes official, a military band staffed with DADT horn players performed jazz tunes at the White House, entertaining 500 partiers including newly-outed military personnel and their partners. The remaining non-military/non-homogeneous homosexuals, none of whom were reported to be wearing “I’m Out for Obama” T-shirts, were spiffily dressed just the same.

On the Gay Pride guest list were members of Congress, activists, CEO of Gay Men’s Health Crisis Marjorie Hill, Matt Bomer, star of the TV show White Collar, and California Lieutenant Governor Gavin Newsom, to name but a few.

The reception included a buffet that had a diverse display of delicious canapés.  For example, for bi-racial and mixed-race gay couples there were chocolate and vanilla mini cupcakes, and cheese poofs…sorry, puffs, which were daintily placed on tiered silver trays.

Making the LGBT atmosphere even more festive was the continual sound of the clinking of flutes, filled to the brim with bubbly champagne and served, in lieu of fruitcake or Twinkies, with LGBT gay pride rainbow cookies.

Wait – did the White House bakers really spend the morning decorating gay pride rainbow cookies? Indeed they did, and according to Steven Thrasher of the Big Gay Food Blog the colorful treats enjoyed by all those happy people were a “light and delicious a butter cookie…buttery, neither overly moist nor too flaky — with a rich, thick, rainbow colored frosting.”

It’s hard to believe it could be possible, but the event was ratcheted up a notch with an appearance from a guy who’s proved that he’s so eclectic and efficient that in one 24-hour period he hobnobbed for dollars with gilded Hollywood types, legalized illegal immigrants, threw a gathering for gays, and publicly admonished a pushy reporter.

Entering the room to the sound of cheers and applause, America’s very “first gay president,” Barack Obama, told the crowd, “We celebrate your joy at being able to come here, with your partners and your spouses to the White House.”

To more cheers, he then said that “As long as I have the privilege of being the president, I promise you, you won’t just have a friend in the White House, you’ll have a fellow advocate.” In his speech the President even compared gay struggles to women’s rights and civil rights, which was a comparison that must have been triply inspiring to any black lesbians in the group.

At that point, the only thing missing was Anderson Cooper handing out completed absentee voter ballots compliments of Obama for America and a short clip of Barry dancing with Ellen DeGeneres.

The fully evolved Barack Obama told the high-spirited group, “Americans may be still evolving when it comes to marriage equality but as I’ve indicated, personally Michelle and I have made up our minds on this issue.”

Sounding like he was still in the Rose Garden delivering his Dream Act speech, Obama then said he is working towards an America where “no matter what you look like or where you come from or who you love, you can dream big dreams and dream as openly as you want.”

Dreaming big dreams, one romantic guest named Scout proposed to the love of his/her life, the director of the National LGBT Cancer Network, Liz Margolies. Right about now, it all gets incredibly confusing because Liz, who doesn’t believe in marriage, gay or straight, said yes. Liz, who likely started out as a lesbian, and transgender partner Scout (full name: Scout), who started out as a woman but is now legally a man, which means that a Scout-Margolies union would be a perfectly legal heterosexual marriage.

Finally, Barack Obama, with his own family in tow, scurried off to Chicago. Otherwise, maybe after dealing so superbly will the illegal immigration issue earlier in the day he could have explained why a technically heterosexual couple made history for being the first gay couple to plan a marriage ceremony at an LGBT Pride reception at the White House.

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