The Gay Green Lantern and Other Comical Things

Quick! Somebody inform the Gay Lesbian and Straight Education Network, better known as GLSEN, that their “It’s Elementary – Talking About Gay Issues In School” DVD series might not be needed anymore, because DC Comic’s Green Lantern is being featured in a Gay Planet edition, aptly entitled “Earth 2.”

Although he’s not the first gay character in comics, the “Green Lantern would be the highest-profile openly gay hero.” Alan Scott, aka the original Justice Society’s Green Lantern, has been a recognizable comic book character for 72 years.  Writer James Robinson maintains that the Green Lantern is “[v]ery much the character he was. He’s still the pinnacle of bravery and idealism. He’s also gay.” Which means the new Green Lantern probably appreciates those green tights more than formerly hetero Alan Scott ever did.

British writer James Robinson, who is married and lives in San Francisco, also wrote the 1990s DC comic “Star Man,” which featured another homosexual superhero named Jack Knight. Yet Robinson maintains that the “only agenda he’s pushing is reality.”

Robinson “rejuvenated” Scott to be a homosexual superhero in DC comic’s “New 52” project. The improved gay guy is different than the “more modern” Green Lantern ladies’ man Hal Jordan, who stars in his own comic and is part of an “extraterrestrial police force called the Green Lantern Corps.”

Mr. Robinson believes that having a gay comic book superhero is a “realistic depiction” of a society where heroes include the irreverent Wanda Sykes, loveable congressman Barney Frank, and Glee’s very own girl in a red tracksuit, Jane Lynch.

In the “New 52” series, the Gay/Green Lantern and the Justice Society “operate in a different universe than the Justice League.” If by chance a “different universe” confirmation is required, attend a Gay Pride Parade sometime.  In any case, in the “Earth 2” universe Scott is the sole Green Lantern and is “the strongest, most important super-powered character” in the whole heteroflexible world.

It’s that likely Robinson decided to make Green Lantern gay because, in addition to making sense of Green Lantern’s mystical “green flame” history, the new initiative called for Alan Scott to be young again, which meant “erasing Scott’s gay superhero son Obsidian out of existence.” Why did Robinson take a pink eraser to Obsidian, when gays have a hard time reproducing as it is?

Nevertheless, although DC Comics does already have a gay Teen Titan named Bunker, the author still thinks the made-over member of the Justice Society will provide added inspiration.   Perhaps the new superhero will speak directly to sexually conflicted readers who find themselves relating to big butch fellas who sport sculpted muscles and flit around in snappy green outfits.

Robinson maintains that the new Green Lantern is a “type-A personality who doesn’t hide in the shadows,” kind of like a testosterone-loaded version of frenetic extrovert Carson Kressley.

The Gay/Green Lantern’s creator says he wants his hero to be a “positive figure.”  The hope is that “If there’s some kind of kid out there who’s reading the comic and who’s worried about the person he is, maybe it will give him a positive sense of who he is,” James said.  “Or maybe a different kid will read it and decide I don’t need to bully some kind of kid in school” — especially if that “some kind of kid” insists on coming to class masquerading as a jacked-up leprechaun in green boots and mask.

DC comics are not gay pioneers.  In a forthcoming issue, Marvel X-Men plan on officiating over same-sex nuptials, while Archie Comics were ahead of both Marvel and DC Comics — not to mention America’s “first gay President,” Barack Obama — by already hosting a gay wedding. Unfortunately, Clay Walker and U.S. military officer Kevin Keller’s wedding was met with a backlash from angry parents.

Robinson remains unconcerned about repercussions, saying, “that kind of negativity is stupid and outmoded.” Apparently, comic books, liberal presidents, leftist educators, and the anything-goes Hollywood community should set the moral tone in children’s lives, not parents. The comic book evangelist said that “We should be preaching love and tolerance,” so all you stodgy parents who disagree with the homosexual lifestyle should just butt out.

In the end, homophobic parents will probably be relieved to know that “Earth 1’s” heterosexual Hal Jordan, the greatest Green Lantern in the universe, is still part of DC’s Justice League, along with super-heroine Wonder Woman, who has not yet been made over in the image of perpetually crunking lesbian Ellen DeGeneres. Also included in that traditional group is Batman, so to be fair maybe the first transgender Batperson could be modeled after batty unemployed guy-wannabe Rosie O’Donnell.

Come to think of it, Superman’s storyline presents a perfect opportunity for Chaz Bono to emerge dancing from a phone booth; the Flash would certainly look fierce in a costume featuring assless chaps; and DC comics could keep on spreading the gay around by changing Aquaman’s name to Aqua-Feather Boa Man.

But green flames, exotic lamps, magical rings, a weakness for wood, and a sidekick named Doiby Dickles aside, no matter what James Robinson says about the modern tone of the new homosexual Green Lantern character, transforming Alan Scott into an openly gay hero is undoubtedly part of a larger gay “agenda.”

The sad truth is that America is at a juncture where comic books have joined marriage and the military in an arena where long-held traditions and established icons are being redefined to accommodate an alternate universe of alternative lifestyles. Regardless of which superhero comes out next, a beloved male cartoon character depicted in a comic-book lip lock with another man only serves to confuse children sexually and further elevate the gay lifestyle to the status of heroic.