Smashing Success

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The Obama vacation was a smashing success. Rested and ready Obama made an impromptu appearance in the Rose Garden sans the now famous bicycle helmet. America’s back pedaling president looked so refreshed it appeared as if New England lobster managed to erase even the telltale grays from the President’s closely cropped hair.

The reason for the press briefing was Barack’s desire to extend presidential comfort by reassuring the nation, via the press, that the team that ushered in a code blue economy remains “on top of the economic crisis.”

While vacationing, Obama proved to America that riding a miniature two-wheeler is not a life skill a 6’2″ man ever forgets.  The President also proved a 10-day break in Martha’s Vineyard does not affect an ingrained propensity to blame George W. Bush.

Stepping toward the podium, Obama dove right in.  However, due to technical difficulty, it took Obama three tries to blame Bush for the appalling economy.  Stumbling over well-planned condemning comments, even the microphone refused to broadcast Barack’s never-ending drivel.

The solemn, accusatory president began by saying that when elected he was completely unaware of the depth of America’s “economic hole,” let alone how long it would take to “climb out.” However, when in a fix, Obama appears extremely knowledgeable as to how effectively project perpetual culpability onto everyone other than himself.

Obama expressed the following opinion about the flagging economy:  “What we did know was that it took nearly a decade – to dig the hole we are in.” Then the President gave himself eight years of economic leeway following the “dig the hole” comment with an “even longer to dig our way out.”

After the sound system issues, garbled statements and flyover airplane interference ceased, the President continued blaming G.W. and then segued directly into pointing the finger at Senate Republicans.  Never once did Obama acknowledge any personal culpability for being completely and hopelessly clueless.

Maybe someone should have raised their hand and reminded Obama that during the first six years of Bush’s tenure the economy was booming.  It was the last two years, after a national referendum on Iraq, that Democrats took over both houses and the economy began to falter. Adding Obama’s liberal-socialistic policies to the already ailing economy turned a benign common cold into a case of full-blown pneumonia.

Obama claimed Republicans are now in the process of obstructing an “initiative [he] proposed to cut taxes that will encourage small businesses to hire and expand, as well as a $30 billion small business lending initiative.”

Partisan President Obama actually had the temerity to accuse Senate Republicans of damaging economic growth by “holding this bill hostage.” The man who impedes everything from individual freedom to economic recovery dramatically uttered the scripted slogan: “Drop the blockade.”

Soberly droning on, uttering meaningless poppycock, Obama continued reading off the teleprompter.  The president’s rhetoric included references to small businesses, middle class tax cuts, job creation and economic growth. As usual, in a five-minute statement Obama managed to fit in incendiary lingo like “partisan minorities” and “political games.”

Towards the end, the sun must have been in Obama’s eyes because the President stumbled over words like “effort,” correcting it to “attack.” Before turning and walking away, the smooth talker slipped up and blurted out the very apropos “silver spoon” instead of “silver bullet.”

A few hours after the technically-challenged economic encouragement/blame-Bush undertaking, the Dow plummeted 140 points, proving the point that, like everything Barack does, the ready-to-wreak-havoc Rose Garden declaration was just another in a long list of “smashing” Obama successes.

Polite comments encouraged.