Long Island’s Living Dead

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Carol is the “official historian for the village of East Quogue, Long Island. She cares for headstones and writes local obituaries.”  Little did the village historian know that Social Security data indicated an obituary for the recently deceased Carol Colmes may as well have been in the registry and a newly engraved headstone positioned over a freshly dug grave.

Small detail: Colmes, although declared dead, was very much alive.

In June, while at work busily scanning the Social Security Death Index, a stunned Carol found out that she’d been deceased since May. In all probability, Carol’s initial reaction began with touching her face to check whether she was actually alive, after which she uttered, “Whoa…there’s my name, Carol Colmes, where I was born, when I died.”

Carol’s case is not a surprise. The soon-to-be-administrating-health-care federal government pays hundreds of millions of dollars in funds to dead people.  In the government’s “competent” economy, dead people are assumed living and living people presumed dead. According to Social Security representatives, out of 52 million stimulus checks sent out, 10,000 have been sent to dead people.

Take for instance federal farm aid recipients. When crosschecked with the same Social Security Administration Death Index file Colmes was checking when she found out she had passed on, it was revealed that “checks [were] being cut to farmers after they died.”

Question: Are the same government workers that can’t differentiate between living and dead going to be administering defibrillator paddles on the chests of heart attack victims?

Recently it was also revealed that the federally financed, $5 billion a year Low Income Home Energy Assistance Program (LIHEAP) granted 11,000 deceased individuals $3.9 million dollars in taxpayer funds from the Department of Health and Human Services (HHS), as well as prisoners and postal workers.

If only Carol Colmes could have been patient, the Long Island woman might have also received a post mortem subsidy check in the mail—and after this incident the Colmes’ need it.  Thanks to Social Security, “room temperature” Carol “was quickly cut off from bank accounts, Medicare and more.”

Carol claims, “Every account I had was frozen …I was left with just pocket change.”

For the last two months, Carol and husband Rich have attempted to resurrect the lifeless Mrs. Colmes.  The couple has “collected hundreds of documents, made endless trips to social security offices, and spent hours on the phone with government workers who finally solved the riddle. They traced the error to a clerk in Alabama typing in the wrong nine-digit number.”

With health care on the horizon and data being entered by government workers, an expressive face maker could end up sporting an unneeded pacemaker, not to mention the possibilities for those in need of any emergency “…ectomy.”

A remorseful Social Security Administration vowed to continue to, Lord help us, “monitor” Carol’s situation because the government-controlled “IRS, VA Hospital and banks may be slow in getting the correction,” which is expected.

To date, “Some of Carol’s assets remain frozen.” However, contrary to the federal government’s assumptions, up to this point Carol Colmes’ body is 98.6 °F.

Polite comments encouraged.