What’s It All About…Barry?


barry4Shocking! Exclusive: Baby-faced father of little Maisie Dad at 13 read the cover of The Sun of the United Kingdom. The title of the piece came with a picture of little Alfie Patten, the 12-year old father of a dependent two- day old infant in the picture dressed in red and white striped pajamas embroidered with blue lettering. Alfie protectively encircled his skinny, boyish arm around his little daughter looking straight on brazenly into the camera. Alfie’s big, brown; doe eyes just grab you and defy you to ask the question “Is this some kind of a joke? Not everybody thinks Alfie has what it takes to be a good Dad but Alfie is considered by all who know him as “…a lovely little boy”. He admits he’s young and inexperienced but his intentions are good, “I know I’m young, but I plan to be a good dad” and in the world we live in where anyone can be anything, aren’t plans all you need to get the job done?

Alfie exhibits the humility needed to be a good parent, he even admits that he does not know all the ins and outs of the job because of inexperience but he has a good idea of what it may cost and what it entails when he says, “[He] thinks it’s a lot.” There is always the chance that little Maisie may suffer some bumps and bruises from Alfie’s on the job training but he “…thought it would be good to have a baby” and with his formidable skill in the bedroom…he can probably succeed at anything he tries! He’s got style, personality, looks, he’s quick on the trigger when it comes to video games and he expresses his deepest desires with such sincerity.

Shouldn’t we just give Alfie a chance? His good intentions should be enough to quell the fears of all who are even minutely concerned about the well-being and future of this helpless infant. Seeing a newborn balanced sideways in her father’s arms, while he adeptly participates in a rousing game of Play Station with the 15-year old mother of his young daughter, should put everyone’s fears to rest and insure the belief in hope for her future. Watching our Alfie should promote a corporate sigh from the hearts and minds of all who see him and hear his touching story, agreeing together in bi-partisan unity that “Yes, he can!”

Alfie obviously does not have the same resume entries, at twelve, as the rest of the dads who’ve gone before him in his hometown of Hailsham England. However, he does have some formidable skills that should be noted. As mentioned before Alfie has tremendous ability with Play Station, which is a credit to his hand/eye coordination and quick reflexes. He plans to work extra hard at school, keeping a school uniform at his girlfriends house, so he can stay over and go straight from there. He obviously has a way with the ladies long before his time and was “thrilled when he learned he was going to be a dad”. Those qualities are unbeatable in the parenting department, regardless of either experience or preparation. Most importantly many, who know, love and support Alfie’s incursion into fatherhood say, “…he’s a natural with babies, even though he still looks like one himself.”

Alfie made the decision and went ahead with it and now even the Children’s Secretary Ed Balls says, “Our first reaction has got to be to make sure that the young lad, the teenage mum and the baby get all the support they need”,which should assuage the concerns of anyone who thinks Alfie can’t handle the job…he has the support of many, many people around him, which should buoy him toward eventually becoming father of the year. Even if he fails, those who back him will buttress and advocate for him regardless of the consequences of his juvenile impact on his tiny daughter’s life, jettisoning little Alfie straight toward the fatherhood finish line on a wave of good cheer and popularity.

At least Alfie has the humility to admit that he hasn’t much knowledge about the job of being a dad because he’s never even changed a baby, fed one a bottle, pushed one in a pram or even held one for that matter. He even admitted that “…he does not know how much nappies cost” and when you have a baby who needs a nappy change about 12 times a day its best you study up on technique and procedure when it comes to the subject of nappies!

What a wonderful object lesson little Alfie is for our own country. Alfie’s circumstances are similar to our own in that we have a new leader who very well may be the Alfie Patten of the free world. If you want to make the analogy, it’s not easy to argue with the fact that many believe our country is in a similar situation right now. The United States of America, all donned out in our red, white and blue stretchy is for all intents and purposes at the mercy of an inexperienced father who was just four short years ago probably playing Xbox games and shooting hoops with his friends and then “decided” it might be a good idea to be a President.

Our new Dad is inexperienced, ill-equipped, but much like hairless face of Alfie Patten is both cherubic and determined. Observing the demeanor of our new father figure, especially this past week, one couldn’t help but wonder if like Alfie, “…the lad is scared deep down? Just as little Alfie’s father Dennis, the “love rat” who has 10 natural children and 3 step children of his own, explained about his boy, “Everyone is telling him things and it’s going round in his head. It hasn’t really dawned on him. He hasn’t got a clue of what the baby means.” Our politically pre-pubescent President, deep down with the limited experience in policy parenting, probably didn’t have a clue of what being responsible for the biggest baby in the free world actually meant until these past few weeks with his careless Cabinet choices and staggering stimulus bill problems, he too like Maisie Roxanne’s new parents, appeared somewhat “dazed”.

Our nation is like a little Maisie festering in a messy economic nappy in need of promised Obaddy’s “Change” and like Alfie our Poppy isn’t exactly sure how much it is going to cost to clean up the chaos we’re in…It appears as if we’re all about to find out just what Alfie predicted when he said “…it costs a lot!” In our case the cost, as of Tuesday for the sack of nappies our Dad plans to diaper us in, is about a trillion dollars and rising.

Many are asking how Alfie could possibly be in this position, how could a four-foot tall boy, “…who looks no more than eight” be a father? Especially when we find out the child was conceived in a bed whose headboard sported Mickey and Minnie Mouse surrounded by love hearts. So too should we ask how a community organizer, who is a first term Senator, with minimal experience is now residing at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue and carrying around a brief case with the nuclear codes? Alfie climbed between the sheets and preformed a part that no one then or now would think he was qualified for physically or emotionally. We now too have a President who could be considered immature in the area of politics. His presence on the political scene is very limited. He is  freshman, adolescent and a political pubertal. However, he astonishingly possessed the potency to impregnate the Oval Office with his pervading presence. Surprising many that an elected official of his caliber, who much like young Alfie many thought on Election Day, “…wasn’t capable of conceiving.”

Those who support Alfie’s misplaced fatherhood do so based on his videogame skill and his lofty parental aspirations and are willing to chance Maisie’s survival based on “…interviews… [where Alfie said he] would make a good parent to Maisie.” Likewise, 52% of the voting population were convinced by celebrity, pledges and colorful rhetoric that an untested, left-wing, liberal Senator could be the leader of the free world. One thing for sure, by the end of this week both Alfie and Obama will be more alike than different in being two of the chosen few who are able to say they both appeared on and are personal friends of Oprah.

Maybe Barry like Alfie will eventually grow into his role, “I hope that somehow these children grow up into responsible parents but the truth is parenthood is just not something they should be thinking about right now.” To see Alfie and to consider that he is actually the father of this small child is “shocking to the core”. So too at such a susceptible time in our history our nation is as vulnerable as little Maisie, internationally, culturally, economically and socially. The choice of an untested leader to wean and coax us through such a high stakes gamut could be an extremely dangerous preference for our nation endangering our welfare, dampening our growth and very well injuring our potential during an extremely formative period in our nation’s history. Let’s just hope that our own personal Alfie Patten doesn’t realize in the midst of a crisis that, “…he doesn’t know what he is doing and of the complications that could come.”

Alfie is obviously “heartbreakingly naïve…unaware of the life-changing consequences of his actions.” But he still thinks he can be a good parent. Alfie lives in government subsidized council housing and Britain’s tax payers pay and will continue to pay for Alfie’s youthful mistakes, “Today Sussex Police and the local council’s children services said they have investigated the case and pledged continued support…” The shocking thing for us is that we too will pay for the ramifications of our own Alfie Patten’s run at being a premature Dad. His Presidency is positioning itself to usher in the same type of social system that presently supports Alfie Patten and many like him in the UK and who’s liberal and “hugely expensive sex education program” may well be responsible for the predicament Alfie finds himself in. Barack Obama also believes that sex education should be government sponsored and paid for. Our baby daddy disregards the counsel of people like Duncan Smith who runs Britain’s Centre for Social Justice who outwardly blames his nations sex ed program as it relates to Alfie’s story, “It’s not being accusative, it’s about pointing out the complete collapse in some parts of society of any sense of what’s right and wrong.” We need to consider if “Change we can believe in” includes an epidemic of 12-year old fathers?

Our President probably didn’t “understand the enormity of his situation – but seemed desperate to be a devoted and responsible father” to our country. He has his own specific plans, ideologies and beliefs on how and what he wants his child to grow to be. Our very own Obaddy has wasted no time in instituting his child rearing agenda on us by imposing huge social policy changes in a short period of time. We’re like a teething three- month old having his pacifier removed from his mouth and being given a side of beef to gnaw on. He is force feeding a suckling nation with a diet that for many is causing a massive case of colic. Ignoring our cries our premature parent, continues to fill the bottle with pabulum that is offensive, overwhelming and oppressive to our palate. It’s going to be quite a shock when in return for our foolish choices, we like Maisie Roxanne, will be the ones who suffer for the mistakes and false conceptions of an unproven father. So with an uneasy acceptance, we like the family, friends and community of Alfie Patten will watch, wait and see if our newly elected political pre-pubescent man child can meet the challenges of an established adult and whether or not our precious, valued nation makes it through the first six-months.

Sources: The Sun, Lucy Hagan, Feeding, nappies…and Play Station

The Sun, Lucy Hagan, Baby-faced boy Alfie Patten is father at 13, February 14, 2009

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