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QE II Conga Line

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All 40 songs loaded into the Queen’s IPod, by the esteemed First Couple, are integrated into a parody recounting their visit to Buckingham Palace.

Obama and Michelle were so excited about their visit with the Queen of England that they wanted to leave her with “Memories” she would never forget. Realizing they overlooked buying her a proper gift they were relieved when they found Sasha’s IPod, unopened, aboard Air Force One. Connected by satellite to ITunes, the first couple still had time to insure they didn’t appear to be hippies straight out of the Age of “Aquarius,” so they used the transatlantic flight time to load the pink IPod with specially selected mp4’s for the Queen.

Not wanting to make the same mistake they made with Gordon Brown-Nose they wanted to make sure their gift had a message that was more than just, “The Sound of Music.” The Narcissist-in-Chief felt that the choices should have educational value, instructing Her Royal Highness in his brilliance, rhetorical skills and abilities, justifying him in her eyes, as leader of the free world.

Downloading began with, “I Dreamed a Dream,” which he felt encapsulated the spirit of his extraordinary life. Michelle felt that the Queen’s IPod should be filled, …not as it was…but as it should be.” They were sure their inspiration would insure the Monarch, “On a Clear Day” the ability to, “See forever and ever more,” but it had to be in the way they wanted her to see!

Both Barry and Michelle made choices that spoke of “Hope and Change like “Yes We Can, ” by Will.i.am. They wanted to let Liz know that, “The Impossible Dream” had come to pass in their lives. And thanks to the “People” of America, who were “Once in Love with (Billy) (Amy) asked (Where’s Barry)(Charley ),” as a result of that question, “The Best of Times” have been instituted in the colonies, which are now affectionately referred to as the United States of “Camelot.”

Palace officials reported to the BBC that the Duke of Edinburgh expressed little or no interest in meeting with the Obama’s because he had prior plans to go carriage-driving. Buckingham Palace staff overheard yelling prior to the official visit and Philip saying, “I’m Telling You, I’m Not Going.” He followed up with “I’d rather be placed in the chokey then spend the afternoon with those two roister doisters! He was also overheard mumbling to himself, “I know, I know, “If I Loved You” I would go” and “I’ll see you, ’Tonight’. Finally, Philip relented telling his Queen, “If Ever I Would Leave You— it wouldn’t be in springtime and it certainly wouldn’t be at the mercy of those three…him, her and that thing he drags around with him anywhere he goes.”

Barry requested that, “Seventy-six Trombones in the Big Parade” be played when he and his lovely bride crossed the threshold into the Queen and Duke’s presence but had to settle on entering arm-and-arm with Michelle and one of his twelve teleprompters to the tune of, “You’ll Never Walk Alone.” Not being properly set-up, Barry stumbled and seemed to forget the Royal’s names, stuttering, “Um, um, ahhhhh, ah, ah, um.” Michelle elbowing her husband with her perfectly toned arm, covered up by a whimsically unbuttoned J. Crew sweater said, “Try to Remember,” you big goof ball!

The first song in the IPod playlist was “Getting to Know You” suggested by the ever captivating and tony Michelle Obama, who broke into “Hello Dolly” upon entering the Duke of Edinburgh and Queen Elizabeth’s private living quarters. When the Queen reacted to Michelle’s salutation with a perplexed look on her face, Michelle being sensitive and astute changed to one of the Queen’s favorites and in her best Charles Braswell voice segwayed into, “Mame,” which was met with the Queen dropping her handbag to applaud.

It was reported that the Queen, at one point, whispered to Philip who “Sent in this clown?” Later it was clarified that what she really said was, “I’m glad they’re in town!” The Duke was greeted by Barack doing his own rendition of a show tune favorite, “If I Were a Rich Man. Barry wanting to exhibit his limitless creativity to the royal couple, while remaining friends with Reverend Wright, left out the, “Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum” and inserted in its place a few carefully situated James Brown inspired “OOUHS” and integrated some fancy footwork from the late superstar, inviting them both to join in by asking, “Shall We Dance?

Barack Obama commented on the Queen’s lovely salmon-colored outfit and clutch, to which the Duke responded, “Yeah but, “I’ve Grown Accustomed to Her Face.” Leaning in to Barry’s uncomfortably over-sized ear, the elderly Philip shared that immediately following tea he’d be shuffling off to have a little rendezvous with a chambermaid named, “Maria” and planning to get, “…ripped to the tits” taking advantage of the “Seasons of Love” while he still could. Winking and asking Obama, “If you know what I mean Bloke?”

After the President shared that he had met with the Chinese, the Russians and David Cameron without nodding off…Prince Philip asked whether it was difficult for him, being a black man, to  “…tell the difference between them?”

Michelle wanted The Reflex by Duran Duran on the IPod but decided instead on “Diamonds are a Girl’s Best Friend” in honor of the Queen’s crown collection. Michelle, always thinking ahead, figured it would be a great “ice” breaker and make it easier for her to request trying on and wearing the Queen’s tiara to dinner with Gordon Brown-Nose and Jamie Oliver at Fifteen. It was reported that Michelle grabbing the Queen and pinching her face and calling her a “Cheeky monkey” didn’t help her cause.

The Queen ruffled Barack by implying that “The Party’s Over (the Bells are Ringing)” as the explanation for his plummeting poll numbers. Michelle and Barack both nervously chortled at her comment and reassured her that “Everything is Coming Up Roses” and that she shouldn’t believe, “All that Jazz.” They told her that Washington D.C. has been miraculously transformed and the people of America are truly, “One” and looking forward to a bright and glorious “Tomorrow.”

Michelle excused herself and went to the powder room to stare at her biceps. While she was gone Her Majesty sat in a yellow satin 16th century Queen Anne arm chair and perused the IPod while Barack was practicing with his teleprompter. Reading questions like, “Are there raisins in these scones?” and “I prefer drinking Obama tea , which is African Red Bush Rooibos…with herbs and the flavor of Hawaiian fruit. Would you like a sip?”

While flipping through the videos of her trip to the United States, Liz bellowed out to Barry, interrupting him mid-sentence while he was practicing saying, “This tea is a little too hot for my taste,” by asking why “Oklahoma” wasn’t included. He answered her, after first checking the teleprompter screen, “You’ve never been to Oklahoma.” He assured her that on her next visit to the states either on “A Clear Day” or maybe even, “Some Enchanted Evening” he will have Marine One fly her over Tulsa where she could get a close up look at the Golden Driller.

Michelle was somewhat put off when the Queen of England asked her why her eyebrows were so high and why they were shaped so sharply like a “V.” The Queen shared that she thought that it might be some kind of “Chicago tattoo thing!” If that weren’t enough, Liz then asked why one of Shelley’s eyes always looked smaller than the other when she smiled?

Michelle was very touchy feely with the Queen’s staff while waiting for the next cue on what to do. She noticed one of the maids crying. Michelle found out her name was Argentina. Michelle told her, “Don’t Cry for Me Argentina” I get to wear Michael Kors after lunch.

Michelle continued with the hands-on, non-royal protocol with Queenie herself. To get her back for the eyebrow comment, all six-feet of Michelle picked up the diminutive Queen swung her around once, knocking an urn filled with the late Queen Mother’s ashes off the fireplace mantle .

Grabbing the Monarch around the waist, Michelle appeared to be leading her in a specific direction in the same way Tom Cruise ushers Katie Holmes around. The British press was confused because it seemed as if the Monarch was hugging Michelle in return but it was later reported that she was trying to escape.

Much to Lizzy’s surprise, Michelle removed the Queens clip-on earrings and licking the earplugs of the IPod, placed them directly into Elizabeth’s ears. The playlist was queued up to I’m On Fire by Bruce Springsteen. Wanting to expose the Queen to Washington culture and it being Wednesday, Michelle, remaining true to White House tradition, began organizing a slow-shuffle Buckingham Palace conga line. The group did the conga all through the Royal living quarters.  Throwing her head back in wild abandon and really getting into the chugging-train beat, the Queen later breathlessly said, “With that wild girlfriend of mine…I Could Have Danced All Night.”

Leaving to return to the Ambassador’s residence in Regent’s Park after all the fun and frivolity, Michelle and Barack extended their hands for the royal couple to kiss, bidding adieu and feeling “As If We Never Said Goodbye. Noses pressed up against the dark glass of the Presidential Hummer, Shelley and Barry disappeared from the shadow of Buckingham Palace enclosed and safely sheltered in, “The Music of the Night” and having officially changed the name of the G-20 to the itz2-la84US Summit.

Copyright 2009 Jeannieology. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed

2 Comments

  1. Too Much!

    Friday, April 3, 2009 at 2:27 am | Permalink
  2. Elizabeth wrote:

    Outrageous. Inflammatory. Incendiary. Love it!

    Sunday, April 12, 2009 at 4:19 am | Permalink

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